Re: desperatly confused newly wed
x2's post seems rational.
if i was any more logical, i would either be spock (the character not the gs member) or a robot :D
lets see if you find my rather extreme advise in the thread along similar lines as rational :)
Re: desperatly confused newly wed
In addition, keep in mind that many women do not feel attracted to someone until they know him. Of course you can think guys are cute, hot, sexy without having met them, but the desire to actually have a sexual relationship comes after a more personal, emotional connection built upon fun and important memories. And as sky said, are there certain things he can do to be more physically appealing?
Re: desperatly confused newly wed
true, physical attraction is pretty important.
Re: desperatly confused newly wed
some responses are 
and some :nono: but well girl all i will say is that being a girl i know it is kinda tough at times to standup in front of ur parents but thinking of goin to the embassy now is a bad idea as u could have done this b4 the marriage aswell and it was a simple case of forced marriage where the embassy would have easily gotten u out of and sent u back to britain, it wouldnt have effected the guys family but if u do it now it is 2 families getting ruined so u gotta think bout this, as far as not being attracted to the husband goes as long as he does not have deformalities on his body or he is exceptionally hideous things can be worked out, c`mon all u got to do is talk to him just like in any relationship, if u ever had a boyfriend u just dint jump into a relationship wid him i am sure u guys must have had enuf talks and then over the course of time things change and sit into place.
Thats ma 2 cents but other than that i really wish u a happy life.
Re: desperatly confused newly wed
you know the whole thing about oh it effects 2 families stuff is way blown out of proportion, I have cousins who have had divorces, and friends who have had divorces, in the long run, it does not effect anyone.
lets just say if someone is in a bad marriage ..or miserable in a marriage, and ends it and due to that every single person has some amount of distress. it in no way shape or form can ever come close to the distress that the person in the marriage will feel having to stick it out and be miserable for the rest of their lives.
At the end of the day, anyone has a right to end their marriage, and if people are going to force one to be in a situation where one is miserable, then one has a complete right to do whatever it takes to get out.
Lets be realistic here, in the end, its your life. Not your parents, siblings, spouse, inlaws or anyone else.
would anyone stay in a job where they are unhappy but will not resign and go find a new job because they feel that their boss and colleagues would be hurt. sounds pretty illogical doesn’t it? well so it staying in a marriage for the sake of others..only exception potentially is kids, but even in that case I think many ppl who are together just for teh kids are probably better off splittign because why put kids thru a bad domestic atmosphere..
Re: desperatly confused newly wed
x2 i agree wid wat u r saying but wat i am saying that she would have made this move b4, u know how ppl are in pakistan they blow everything outta proportion so that is wat i was saying, now if she does n e thing the ppl mite have questions about the guy aswell and his family, y put them thru that if they r nice to u. Thats ma point tho.
Re: desperatly confused newly wed
x2 i agree wid wat u r saying but wat i am saying that she would have made this move b4,
agreed 100%, the sooner u kow its not going to work and end it the better off you are, teh stakes keep getting higher at each level, from just rishta to engagement to wedding to kids etc. but just because she did not make this move before does not mean she should not make it now.
u know how ppl are in pakistan they blow everything outta proportion so that is wat i was saying,
do we live our life for ourselves or for 'people' > i mean to some extent balancing the two out makes sense, but you cant be miserable to keep others content.
now if she does n e thing the ppl mite have questions about the guy aswell and his family, y put them thru that if they r nice to u. Thats ma point tho.
still not enough of a justification to not end it. if someone is in their 20's they need to realize that they were kids until a few years ao and have a long life ahead of them based on avg age spans, do they want to live this life being unhappy?
oh and queenbee, for your own sake I am hoping that you are using protection of some sort because if you get pregnant than that creates additional complexities.
Re: desperatly confused newly wed
As cold as this may sound, the bitter truth is.
I have no sympathy for such people like yourself, the first line in your posts says it all, you married a guy you never met. You should have been assertive and said no to your parents no matter what they were saying and if you did you didn't try hard enough. As for your parents and many others like you who have been put in this position by their mothers and fathers, they make me think that for them having a daughter is a burden, the quicker we marry em off the better for us, not stopping to think who's lives they destroy, be it their own flesh and blood.
Suck it up and deal with it now, you married him.
Re: desperatly confused newly wed
X2 u got a point (infact a few points) i guess u r rite.
ORPHEUS dude thats a lotta anger
Re: desperatly confused newly wed
but orpheus is right 10000%..the truth hurts if you didn't have the guts to stand up to them in the first place why would you have the guts to stand up to a both families now
Re: desperatly confused newly wed
dg chanda now that i think of it we are all passing our judgements and all but none of us asked her under wat conditions did she say yes. Cuz for all we know she said yes and now she is married, but god forbid as X2 says it doesn workout even after her trying and as X2 said it gets tougher at every stage the sooner it is done the better.
Re: desperatly confused newly wed
his love will grow on you ... sachii :)
Re: desperatly confused newly wed
...grow on whatever is left of you, or on whatever you end up becoming.
Re: desperatly confused newly wed
yehi zindagi hai// ifnot the physical attraction than there is something else..
it aint a walk in the park..
we all know that
Re: desperatly confused newly wed
we do, but at the same time why be in a situation you are not happy in. this way you are nto being true to yourself or the other person, and everyone on the periphery.
it aint a walk in the park, but if you are walking in an emotional minefield and have the ability to airlift out, why not.
Re: desperatly confused newly wed
I think that I agree with hin33 on that.
But for that, you have to bring willingness. Dont put him in the situation to prove himself that he is worthy of your love or such.
Re: desperatly confused newly wed
we do, but at the same time why be in a situation you are not happy in. this way you are nto being true to yourself or the other person, and everyone on the periphery.
it aint a walk in the park, but if you are walking in an emotional minefield and have the ability to airlift out, why not.
she's already in that situation..
Re: desperatly confused newly wed
I think that I agree with hin33 on that.
But for that, you have to bring willingness. Dont put him in the situation to prove himself that he is worthy of your love or such.
but willingness hi toh naheen hai. that is the crux of the issue, she does not like the guy. so she made a mistake in saying yes and bigger mistake in not kicking up a storm before the 'i do' err 'qaboll hai' but its not always a situation that if life gives u lemons u make lemonades.
sorry, the lemons could be rotten, and you may nto liek leomnade to begin with. toss the lemons and demand something better for yourself from life.
Re: desperatly confused newly wed
but willingness hi toh naheen hai. that is the crux of the issue, she does not like the guy. so she made a mistake in saying yes and bigger mistake in not kicking up a storm before the 'i do' err 'qaboll hai' but its not always a situation that if life gives u lemons u make lemonades. sorry, the lemons could be rotten, and you may nto liek leomnade to begin with. toss the lemons and demand something better for yourself from life.
Did not she say its been 7 days only. I think that one needs to give it honest try. That is what I meant by willingness.
We all get into situations which is not of our choice. So what is the solution, just run away. This is not a fabric shop she entered by accident so she can just turn around and go to the one next door. This is life, and life gives you very little choices and very rarely reapeats that for you.
One needs to learn how to make a best out of what one has. You cant always start all over again
Re: desperatly confused newly wed
Did not she say its been 7 days only. I think that one needs to give it honest try. That is what I meant by willingness.
sure, but she does not like the guy, did not like teh guy, was not really interested etc etc. so the will was not there to begin with.
We all get into situations which is not of our choice. So what is the solution, just run away.
sure, if you can, why not?
This is not a fabric shop she entered by accident so she can just turn around and go to the one next door. This is life, and life gives you very little choices and very rarely reapeats that for you.
exactly, this is life, nothing trivial to muck about and then get into the coulda woulda shoulda later.
every single person I know who went through a divorce is happier now because they cut their losses and walked because they realized that some things are simply not worth putting effort into or salvaging.
One needs to learn how to make a best out of what one has. You cant always start all over again
sometimes making the best of what you have is to stop wasting your time on it, discard and start fresh.
you cant always start all over again, but if you can, shouldn't you?