Hmmm... from my experience of marriage (well just over 6 months of it lol) nothing ever really goes to plan- you might think your life is going to take one direction but in fact it goes another...that doesn't make it a waste of time. I would never advise any of my friends not to get married because at the end of the day it's an individual decision whether someone wants to commit or stay single...things do change after marriage...but then again all my single friends are desperate to get married! Personally I think I was naive in thinking life would be one big happily ever after- there are challenges and you do have to compromise and communicate, but like psyah said there is a beautiful sweetness and companionship that grows in marriage and makes all the hard work worth it...
^Oh yeah, the above is coming from a person who's married for 9 years and been through a lot of issues, including inlaws issues, financial issues, time management issues, miscarriages etc.
Lol I love how girls who’ve never even been close to married let alone lived with in laws/had children etc are talking about how easy it was to raise 10 kids.
and that’s pretty sad buncha group. If someone asks me how’s married life, depending on how serious the conversation is, I give them a straight up answer, instead of telling them “it’s awful” or “its wonderful.” Because that’s LIFE. It’s never perfect…just gotta make the best of it.
you talk about plan - and then if marriage is not part of the grand scheme of things, from a training and upbringing perspective you have missed something really important
Hmmm... from my experience of marriage (well just over 6 months of it lol) nothing ever really goes to plan- you might think your life is going to take one direction but in fact it goes another...that doesn't make it a waste of time. I would never advise any of my friends not to get married because at the end of the day it's an individual decision whether someone wants to commit or stay single...things do change after marriage...but then again all my single friends are desperate to get married! Personally I think I was naive in thinking life would be one big happily ever after- there are challenges and you do have to compromise and communicate, but like psyah said there is a beautiful sweetness and companionship that grows in marriage and makes all the hard work worth it...
see this is what i meant - if you had written a bit differently 516 couldn’t say anything
as for you 516, you comment is completely irrelevant. one does not have to be married, live with inlaws, raise 10 kids to make such a comment. majority of the thoughts and the language we speak are from observation rather than experience. so imho your formula and criticism has no weight - its just a comment for the sake of participation or something else
see this is what i meant - if you had written a bit differently 516 couldn't say anything
as for you 516, you comment is completely irrelevant. one does not have to be married, live with inlaws, raise 10 kids to make such a comment. majority of the thoughts and the language we speak are from observation rather than experience. so imho your formula and criticism has no weight - its just a comment for the sake of participation or something else
Believe me i dont care what people like her have to say. If someone reasons with me like an adult, i wl be more than happy to correct my opinion if i am at wrong but i can't let ignorant fools affect with my mind.
History repeats itself in certain areas yet new things come and go ... things are not so clear cut and there are many factors that contribute to the outwardness of human behaviour and attitudes.
For example the culture of having "servants" many will argue in the West is a mark of middle to upper class people, however in the subcontinent the same thing is viewed as normal for even upper working class people. On the other hand in the West it is considered normal to have a nanny for kids if they are in the middle class and otherwise upper working class tend to send their children to day care nurseries, because both parents must work to sustain the home. If the man earns enough a class of people between middle and upper working class have mother's usually home bound taking care of the kids.
There is a certain thing that is affecting modern people that perhaps was not there in the past and that is "perceived quality of life" ... despite us knowing that "rizq" is catered for by Allah (SWT) people today use logic far too much to conclude that fewer chidlren means a better quality of life of each child and hence today have fewer children. This idea due to modern technology is being spread the world around.
Another thing that seems to be happening is that women typically in the West are being given many means to undertake social time with one another that was otherwise not the case at least in the two generations that went before us ... mostly because of the war (WWII) and the global need to live in a manner that was termed "austerity" people tended to stick to the family unit.
With higher financial burdens today and a race for wealth people have found the need to exploit the "individual" regardless of gender to fuel the corporate machines. This had been observed and documented by people like Aldous Huxley (Brave New World) and others. The family unit is not good for the banks, taking out loans is good for them. However the economy does suffer in the long run but today's system is based on immediate gain and hence immediate gratification.
As a result of these things the need of the "self" is made to overpower the need of the "collective" ... and that results in people saying things like "stay single" ... however there is no wisdom in those words ... the best most sustainable way to exist is to be family centric nor self-centric.
I would say things have changed but it is not to do with women becoming worse people, but because women in the past had certain constraints that do not exist today. And women are at a disadvantage today because modern life demands them to earn for a living.
People whether single or not are entitled to their opinion about marriage based on their research books and studies and experiences with other people. It is a false argument to say that only those who are married with children are qualified to comment. If that were true then indeed no man should be commenting here either because he is not a married woman, in which case everything I have said that it is better for a woman to be married early is an empty opinion ... I may be right however!
People whether single or not are entitled to their opinion about marriage based on their research books and studies and experiences with other people. It is a false argument to say that only those who are married with children are qualified to comment. If that were true then indeed no man should be commenting here either because he is not a married woman, in which case everything I have said that it is better for a woman to be married early is an empty opinion ... I may be right however!
Ask them if they are so miserable why not get a divorce and enjoy the life you have? Here is the simple truth. Married people love to complain how bad their life is. But ask them to live a single life for a month and within 3 days they would be pining after their husband or wife and missing their company.
Yes, no man should be commenting because you have no idea how women feel and this is what the thread is about.
I could say a lot more but it would get too personal.
Peace stoppit
I'm not afraid of personal ... I'm surprised that when it comes to talking about women "no man is qualified" yet "husbands are expected to be mind readers of their wives" ... For those of us who believe they have acquired the art of "mind reading their wives" - or should I really say "are sensitive to the body language" of their wives know with some confidence what they say regarding their wives is accurate and of course vice-versa.
I'm not afraid to admit that some things I do are not liked by my wife, but I'm also betting many wives here would not give up their marriage to be single - for those who did give up marriage it was not to be single, but it was to avoid harshness and liability of a bad husband.
