and no it is not about Eva Langoria, so you can get out of this thread now
For the rest of you, I recently had a chance to spend time with some girl friends of mine who have been married for past 6-10 years. One of them has left her career to raise a family, the second one does consulting projects(which involves a lot of traveling) along with raising a family, the third one does a full time job with one kid who is around 4 years old and the last one has not started a family yet.
So they all ganged up on me giving me advise on why I am doing the biggest mistake of my life by even thinking about getting married.
Their opinion was that I have everything in my life right now and marriage is a very high price to pay just for getting laid. Their lives didn’t turned out to be the way they had imagined and it’s just too much work. The ones with the kids were all stressed out and complained that they hardly get time to think about them selves. One of them said that if her younger son who has ADHD would have born first she would not even had thought about having another child. The one who doesn’t have a kid was complaining that most of her efforts go in figuring out what her in laws are up to and planning counteractive strategies, despite the fact that her in laws are back in her home country.
One of them is a gori so I can’t generalize that it’s a desi thing. I am still determined to get married but was just wondering that is married life really so challenging? Does it brings so many changes in your life that you cease to exist? I understand having a different role to play of a wife and mother but it seems like that one has to sacrifice one’s self to play these roles.
Sorry but u seem 2 be hanging around with a bunch of twisted women! And if you are wanting to settle down, i hope you are mature enough to pick the kind of advice you need to settle for and the kind you need to ignore.
^Us singletons could say that there are pros and cons to each situation...but unless we've experienced it...it's hard to say. There are times that i feel I would love to have a kid of my own....but there are also many times where by the end of the school day and having taught several grades....I'm glad I don't have a kid waiting for me at home...that I don't have to worry about repeating my whole school day at home. And if I do have kids...especially when they're younger...I don't plan to work. I guess we could advise her that each person's situation is unique and just because a couple friends are having a miserable marriage...doesn't mean hers would turn out the same way...that she may not make the same decisions that her married friends made when she gets hitched. All balanced advice and sensible words....without the experience. I'm more interested in hearing from the married guppies and guppans on here.
Everything comes with a price and marriage is no exception! You can't have your cake and eat it too. If you want kids, they wl need your time and attention. You can't have kids and put them up for adoption or hand them to nannies. Its unfortunate that your friend's kid is ADHD and i am sure it must be really hard on her but this is life some people have it harder but thats what the test is about. You can cry and mourn about it or you can actually try and make it work! The choice is ours and so are the consequences.
Yes, every women whether a mother or not, should be able to take time out for herself and if she is unable to do it then she needs to work on her time management skills or get help if she can afford it!
I know what you are saying but i think women nowadays just like to whine about almost everything. Women in old times use to take care of 10 kids as well as their extended family. How the hell did they do it? I am sure they were not churails or had some super powers!
The thing is i hate seeing women nowadays not being able to even take care of a single kid on their own. Even for that they need a nanny if not more! And don’t even get me started on them having no family help cuz well they asked for it with their burning desire for a seperate home from the inlaws.
Their opinion was that I have everything in my life right now and marriage is a very high price to pay just for getting laid. Their lives didn't turned out to be the way they had imagined and it's just too much work.
Your're right in saying that in their OPINION....you have "everything" in your life. You can't base your life on other people's "opinions".
These 4 women need to realize that just b/c their lives didn't turn out the way they thought it would....that doesn't guarantee that YOUR marriage won't be how you want it to be. Besides, if their life is so miserable, why are they CHOOSING to remain married? Especially the one who doesn't have any children...if she's really so miserable with her husband, why doesn't she get a divorce.
With marriage.....you need to be realistic about what your expectations are about marriage. And choose a partner based on your expectations. You wrote that you're "determined" to get married. But you haven't written anything about WHY you want to get married?
As for sacrifices....I don't know any relationship (even friendships) that doesn't require some sort of sacrifice. This is why you need to be honest with yourself about what sacrifices you're willing to (and NOT willing to) make as a wife/mother and choose a partner based on that.
Zareen, your argument is correct but your example not the best. How did women in the past manage 10 kids? Various reasons, and not the one you are trying to point out.
You missed the point, Zareen. I’m not comparing married women of today and those from the days of yore. I’m sure the latter also complained about things (in-laws, husbands, etc) as well…but perhaps they stayed because the alternative (being single, divorce, etc) was for more difficult. The OP might choose to not work after having kids of her own and thus not have the same stress level as her married friends…maybe her husband might be more supportive. It takes two people to make a marriage work and she doesn’t live with her married friends 24/7 to know exactly how they run their lives. If she did live with them…she might observe that her friends’ complaining is partly their own fault…and due to ineffective parenting strategies or time managment or spousal communication. Again, I’m not comparing two groups of women. Alls I’m saying is that I’m more interested in hearing what the married Guppans on here and the more mature married Guppies on here have to say. Those of us who are single can do nothing more than give “sensible” sounding/neutral advice without having gone through it ourselves. For the former…it would be interesting to hear what the positives in marriage are…and how to deal with challenges.
Zareen, your argument is correct but your example not the best. How did women in the past manage 10 kids? Various reasons, and not the one you are trying to point out.
dang, I forgot what i was going to say next
help me with a better example and maybe these ladies wl understand :)
thanks!
btw, i think the women were able to manage cuz they had family support and they were just much more stronger and healthier before. we r the weak, dependent lot, unfortunately!
I would take no advice from those women who prefer the life of a single over the life of a married person. Married life is a hidden treasure and they are not being sincere with you ... that is my feeling ... if they are being sincere then I do not believe they are the right standards to go by for advice ... not me either ... look to our pious predecessors and how in our religion being married is like completion of "half your Deen" ...
There is a sweetness in marriage that grows ... with time. Being single has some short term perks, but the later you leave it the harder it is to get married ... ask those single women in their late 30s how they feel ...
When I go home all tired from work and my wife gives me that smile and has the khana and chai already on the dining table , my sons and daughter say salam and we have dinner and chit chat over dinner as a family all my tiredness goes away and all my day's labor gets paid off . I get charged for an eventful evening.
It is from a men's perspective , I too will be interested to hear from some matured women.
