We’ve known this family for years. We class them as close family friends. The mother and father have been on Hajj and the son seems like a good man.
It has recently come to light that the in-laws (MIL, FIL & SIL) were treating the DIL very badly and both mentally and physically abusing her. She has kept quiet and withstood the torment that has spanned over half a decade but her silence was broken after she was hospitalised whilst pregnant with her baby and after said baby was accidentally caught in the middle of a physical fight and was also injured. She has now taken the kids and left the house of the inlaws.
Now the MIL is harrassing any known friends of the DIL and accusing them of putting ideas in her head and saying it’s their fault she has left the house with her grandkids…!! DENIAL OR WOT…?
The MIL (and the other inlaws) cannot see that it was her direct actions that led to this and instead of seeing the erorr of their ways and trying to make things right, she is instead accusing others and passing on the blame.
Will she forever remain in denial or do you think one day this MIL (and all in-laws like her) will ever accept that they were responsible for their sons marriage break-up and had they not beaten, abused and treated her so badly, she would not have left…?
Did somebody confront this MIL and the family ? If nobody confronted and told this family off by using lot of profanity and abusive language she and the family will not get the message.
do you know both sides of the story personally or its "uss nai batya hai k falaan nai bataya tha k uss k saas ki nund ki dost nahi bataya hai..."
I have seen that wife and her MIL (or guy's mom) describes same event by totally different spin and truth normally is somewhere in the middle. (most of the time)
Seeing as we tend to come off worse after divorce I'd be very surprised if the average desi wife walked out unless she was really being mistreated.. (Of course they are exceptions but most would hardly risk the stigma, the poss difficulty in supporting themselves, making their families unhappy etc)..
That's denial, all right! I hope to Allah that she learns the error of her ways!
I knew of a family in a similar situations, where 10 years of mental/physical abuse and 3 kids later, the woman had had enough and walked out. There too blame was put on the friends, etc. of the DIL for putting ideas in her head and rumours were spread about the friends by the family!
Slightly off the topic, but I know of various desi elders/adults who, because of their status of gaining respect in society, seem to gain a very self-righteous mindset... maybe that could also lead to such denial?
I know a family like that, the guy wanted to marry some girl and forced his mum to let him get married, and then changed his mind after he got married and treated his wife like crap. She didnt get any sympathy from MIL cos she never had her support anywyas, and finally the hubby had enough and kicked her out and divorced her. Sadly, the guy got married again and his new wife is a cow to the MIL and the MIL can't do anything about it. Sad to say but these kind of families simply do no take responsibility for their actions until they are put in that position themselves.
Mir ,that someone then might have been quite a good person because i have seen a few people being confronted and they would cut themselves off from the whole community but won't mend their ways.
usually its not the girls…its their mothers/sisters/bhabees who tell the girl how to act and respond…since the girl has only those people to turn to to seek advice on how to handle situations…
obviously you will disagree but i am just saying it DOES happen.
Mir ,that someone then might have been quite a good person because i have seen a few people being confronted and they would cut themselves off from the whole community but won't mend their ways.
It happens rarely in US or England , they all need community support at one point or the other.
Yes but it can happen though.
How are we to know if she'll ever wake up? She may not fully wake up until Judgment Day. BUT if she's been accusing family friends of putting ideas in the DIL's head.....then she's mostly likely turning these people against her. Sadly....it may even be the social rejection ....that might wake her up faster than her own DIL/grandkids' suffering. Just the thought that the opinions of people outside the family might carry more weight than the grief of family members..........isn't that just really depressing/pathetic? But that just might happen.....and if it does...it may mean that guilt is not there for the right reasons.
OP, it's easier to find a scapegoat...than to reflect over your own actions. That requires more courage. It's not the first time that I've heard a case of a seemingly saintly family turning out to be monsters. Sure, two sides to a story and all. Just recently dealt with a nightmarish case with one of my extended relos. It's scary....how you don't really know a person until you live with them.
Did the woman see ANY warning signs before marrying this guy? Any suspicious...over-the-top...behavior? It can be hard for people to completely supress their ugliness. For example, I know some people at work...who like to project this image of being very paak/moral/religous....but so many of their actions reflect otherwise.
***Maybe a thread should be made about warning signs to look out for during the rishta process. I think that would be interesting.
(I don’t dare..)