So desi friends, how important is it to have a thriving desi social circle? I mean, kids having desi friends with same religious backgorunds, once in a while get togethers, etc.? Especially here in the US, Canada, outside of our desh?
Re: Desi social circle
I don't think its a good Idea. I don't like to go in desi circle. They do same desi style. like.
Idhar ki udhar. Iski shikayat us say, uski shikayat kisi aur say. keep eye on everything,. try in interfere, if know anything about you aur your family tell everything to other....sometimes they make things up if they are jealous of you.
I don't like at all. I don't go to desi circle to stay away all the fuss.
I don't even live where desi circle is.
USA, Canada main bhi apni harkatain desi naheen chortay as I saw on GS.
Better stay way from them. Zindagi pursukoon guzarnay ka mauqa milta hai yahan aa kar. So why not prevail that opportunity.
Re: Desi social circle
Hmm, lekin don't you think that our kids need to learn desi values, our religious ways, culture etc.?
Hmm, lekin don't you think that our kids need to learn desi values, our religious ways, culture etc.?
Believe me they won't learn anything good other than all the fuss from ourt community.
I never made desi friend and I nor want to live desi area.
Yes they have to learn how those desies behave if they are going to marry in desi then to deal with them they sure have to meet and learn.
They will learn more bad things rather than good things.
Re: Desi social circle
For learning things yes we need for our kids. Its better but why not teach religion from home.
If they are religious and good enough then its very good.
But what I saw religious ppl do same stupid things like lying, makkaring and all.
Re: Desi social circle
There are many good families ShiningStar. I don't think we desis are all bed, eh? I think we need some degree of invlovement otherwise we may lose all our values, nahi?
Re: Desi social circle
i think it's important. there should be a connection to the culture, no matter what. but we have to look at who is in our desi circles. if there are people that are basically backwards in their mentality, no matter what, then they certainly will not be good influence on anyone. same goes for those whose households are run through illegal or immoral methods. but at the same time, you can't blacklist everyone, since there are equally great families out there. also, you don't have to be involved in any kind of gossip if you don't wish to be. you can always back out and not participate. in many cases, IMO the gossip and talking behind back and taank jhaank is voluntary. it's not just about making friends, it's about making good friends.
Re: Desi social circle
I agree. I guess it's up to us to take and give what we want.
Re: Desi social circle
I guess it all depends, we do socialize with the desis. But in my opinion it should stay with just salam du'a in some cases. And i agree with ShiningStar, religion should be the number one priority. By teaching kids religion they are far more able to see the difference between good and bad.
As we can see in our culture, most of the traditions don't match with religion. Which is a sad thing. It makes us confused as to what we should hold on to. Because if we dont hold on to the culture, what will people say? The one line i hate the most that seems to be very common amongst us desis. Always thinking about what other people may think and what they will talk about behind our back.
But on the other hand, we shouldn't totally cut off from our culture.. because at the end of the day, we are still Pakistanis. Knowledge about our country and customs should be taught too, and pride of the good things we have.
Where it comes to morals and values, islamic morals and values are more than enough. You got them.. then everything will go smoothly in life. Insh'Allah.
Re: Desi social circle
I think its best to have a wide range of friends regardless of race, religion or creed.
You can learn so much from each other as well as keeping your own values strong.
There are many good families ShiningStar. I don't think we desis are all bed, eh? I think we need some degree of invlovement otherwise we may lose all our values, nahi?
If there are good families then you are lucky go ahead yes sure it is important to let kids know our culture.
You are right without involvement we will loose our culture for sure.
Sigh.....I didn't find any good family as I never tried. This is my first time on GS I'm trying to make friends. I also do not know how to keep friends and how to talk and how to understand who is good or bad.
I neverever mixed mith ppl by being shy and un social.
Now I'm very much interested in find those good ppl to have friendship with and have fun and learn.
I guess it all depends, we do socialize with the desis. But in my opinion it should stay with just salam du'a in some cases. And i agree with ShiningStar, religion should be the number one priority. By teaching kids religion they are far more able to see the difference between good and bad.
As we can see in our culture, most of the traditions don't match with religion. Which is a sad thing. It makes us confused as to what we should hold on to. Because if we dont hold on to the culture, what will people say? The one line i hate the most that seems to be very common amongst us desis. Always thinking about what other people may think and what they will talk about behind our back. But on the other hand, we shouldn't totally cut off from our culture.. because at the end of the day, we are still Pakistanis. Knowledge about our country and customs should be taught too, and pride of the good things we have.
Where it comes to morals and values, islamic morals and values are more than enough. You got them.. then everything will go smoothly in life. Insh'Allah.
i agree. some families it should be strictly salam dua :p
but you can't just get rid of the culture. it produces very confused children. religion is one thing. culture is another. we are lucky that our religion does not have any roots in culture. it's independant of that, so that people of all cultures can accept it, mesh themselves into it, without feeling that there is something just odd about it. but Allah has given us this freedom so we don't lose our cultures either. we are all tribes, and that is how we are supposed to be. tribes, who are unified by one religion. children definitely need to know about their backgrounds, their history, their cultures. they need to know their languages, from where their families come from. that gives them a stronger identity than just knowing that they are Muslims.
i agree. some families it should be strictly salam dua :p
but you can't just get rid of the culture. it produces very confused children. religion is one thing. culture is another. we are lucky that our religion does not have any roots in culture. it's independant of that, so that people of all cultures can accept it, mesh themselves into it, without feeling that there is something just odd about it. but Allah has given us this freedom so we don't lose our cultures either. we are all tribes, and that is how we are supposed to be. tribes, who are unified by one religion. children definitely need to know about their backgrounds, their history, their cultures. they need to know their languages, from where their families come from. that gives them a stronger identity than just knowing that they are Muslims.
True, but you can also produce very very very confused children from bringing them up with certain things that are said to be 'religious' where as they have nothing to do with religion. The importance of both exists, but we have to make up our own mind first. What is religion and what is culture? And personally whatever I am brought up with i have absorbed it, but Alhamdulillah i know what religion says about certain things, so i know what things from my culture to hold on to and what things i don't have to hold on to. And in my opinion that's what will make me a stronger person. To know what things are important and beneficial in my life. :)
I think its best to have a wide range of friends regardless of race, religion or creed.
You can learn so much from each other as well as keeping your own values strong.
I agree with you NaziJoon. They will learn from others to and how to behave with them and how they behave. With good ppls and limitations.
I guess it all depends, we do socialize with the desis. But in my opinion it should stay with just salam du'a in some cases. And i agree with ShiningStar, religion should be the number one priority. By teaching kids religion they are far more able to see the difference between good and bad.
As we can see in our culture, most of the traditions don't match with religion. Which is a sad thing. It makes us confused as to what we should hold on to. Because if we dont hold on to the culture, what will people say? The one line i hate the most that seems to be very common amongst us desis. Always thinking about what other people may think and what they will talk about behind our back. But on the other hand, we shouldn't totally cut off from our culture.. because at the end of the day, we are still Pakistanis. Knowledge about our country and customs should be taught too, and pride of the good things we have.
Where it comes to morals and values, islamic morals and values are more than enough. You got them.. then everything will go smoothly in life. Insh'Allah.
Exactly sis. that way they learn more bad things from culture rather than true Islam.
If kids are under 10 or something that it doesn't effect much. But its better teach your kids Islam at home frist What is wrong and what is good and bad and don't forget to tell them what desis do to be safe and unknown and deal in situations which are not good.
Also teach them never leake anyting from home. Our ppl ask averything from kids and kids don't understand tell everything to those cunning ppl. Walllah they go do rest then.
Be Extra careful.
i think it's important. there should be a connection to the culture, no matter what. but we have to look at who is in our desi circles. if there are people that are basically backwards in their mentality, no matter what, then they certainly will not be good influence on anyone. same goes for those whose households are run through illegal or immoral methods. but at the same time, you can't blacklist everyone, since there are equally great families out there. also, you don't have to be involved in any kind of gossip if you don't wish to be. you can always back out and not participate. in many cases, IMO the gossip and talking behind back and taank jhaank is voluntary. it's not just about making friends, it's about making good friends.
Exactly is we have to find good ppl. But what I saw in my experince. PPL Were too religous and doing all the same bad things behind back. I was so amazed how come they are doing just 2 opposite thing at the same time.
Yes Its about making good friends. Its hard to find good friend.
Re: Desi social circle
I*Gemini i agree. there should be definitely be a balance between the right and wrong. there are some great aspects of desi culture, for example family values, and the sense of dependence (vs independence on which western culture is based upon). then ofcourse there are some really bad things too, but most of them are against what our religion teaches us, and that should be taught to the children too. but it shouldn't be JUST religion. they need to know how to talk in urdu for example. they need to know silly phrases in punjabi or pashto or sindhi or whatever is the indigenous language. they need to know how to behave when guests are around, or how different events such as weddings or eids are celebrated.
Exactly sis. that way they learn more bad things from culture rather than true Islam.
If kids are under 10 or something that it doesn't effect much. But its better teach your kids Islam at home frist What is wrong and what is good and bad and don't forget to tell them what desis do to be safe and unknown and deal in situations which are not good.
Also teach them never leake anyting from home. Our ppl ask averything from kids and kids don't understand tell everything to those cunning ppl. Walllah they go do rest then.
Be Extra careful.
Yes, some people can be very chalaak. Culture doesn't tell us not to backbite, religion does. Culture doesn't tell us that we have to respect everyone around us, religion does. I mean, if my kids would have to learn our culture from the social circle, i'll pass. Rather tell them myself what it is about.
I*Gemini i agree. there should be definitely be a balance between the right and wrong. there are some great aspects of desi culture, for example family values, and the sense of dependence (vs independence on which western culture is based upon). then ofcourse there are some really bad things too, but most of them are against what our religion teaches us, and that should be taught to the children too. but it shouldn't be JUST religion. they need to know how to talk in urdu for example. they need to know silly phrases in punjabi or pashto or sindhi or whatever is the indigenous language. they need to know how to behave when guests are around, or how different events such as weddings or eids are celebrated.
I agree sis.
but if ppl are not good enough kids will learn more bad things rather than good things.
We have to keep an eye on our kids what they are leaning. No matter what you taught them if they see something wrong other kids are doing they will learn quickly.
Language......bhi different style aur different ho jati hai.........they will learn gundi language as galies and othe things too.
Its very hard to find extra ordinary good family to let you kids to learn everthing same as you want.
I*Gemini i agree. there should be definitely be a balance between the right and wrong. there are some great aspects of desi culture, for example family values, and the sense of dependence (vs independence on which western culture is based upon). then ofcourse there are some really bad things too, but most of them are against what our religion teaches us, and that should be taught to the children too. but it shouldn't be JUST religion. they need to know how to talk in urdu for example. they need to know silly phrases in punjabi or pashto or sindhi or whatever is the indigenous language. they need to know how to behave when guests are around, or how different events such as weddings or eids are celebrated.
Definitely, it shouldn't be just religion. They do have to know how to speak their own language. It's something i noticed about myself, when my parents used to speak in urdu or punjabi with me, i wouldnt answer them back in urdu/punjabi always. But now that i have become aware of it and grew up, that importance has also grown for me. It would only make my life difficult not knowing my own language. As i can see with my brother for example, he is always struggling to communicate with desi people in urdu/punjabi. Where as my parents always urged us to not forget it. But Alhamdulillah, ettiquettes are also taught in Islam. We gotta take both of them in each hand, but Islam just a bit higher :)
Yes, some people can be very chalaak. Culture doesn't tell us not to backbite, religion does. Culture doesn't tell us that we have to respect everyone around us, religion does. I mean, if my kids would have to learn our culture from the social circle, i'll pass. Rather tell them myself what it is about.
Exactly!!!
I would do the same thing. I will teach Islam to my kids first by myself rather than others.
Rest of the things would be good to learn others.
The best is teach religion to you kids first yourself then let them have friends in our culture. Don't forget to tell you kids what desis way and how to deal with.
Language......bhi different style aur different ho jati hai.........they will learn gundi language as galies and othe things too.
Gandi language aur galiyan to har zubaan mein bachay seekh letay hain. It's nothing to do with culture, it's about what bachay they hang around with. It's on the parents to explain ke yeh achi baat nahin hai.