but if ppl are not good enough kids will learn more bad things rather than good things.
We have to keep an eye on our kids what they are leaning. No matter what you taught them if they see something wrong other kids are doing they will learn quickly.
Language......bhi different style aur different ho jati hai.........they will learn gundi language as galies and othe things too.
Its very hard to find extra ordinary good family to let you kids to learn everthing same as you want.
actually it's not hard to find good families. alhamdulilah, the few families we know are good families. their children are well behaved, and those of the children that are married and have their own kids are also very respectful and good, because they have been taught well. yes there are really weird families, and we know them, but since i do not agree with their point of views (the children because that's who i was supposed to hang out with) i refused outright to meet them. all because my parents have definitely taught me well.
that's why if you behave well, you meet people who behave well, and your children will also learn to behave well. ofcourse there isn't a single family out there that is perfect, but if the issues are absolutely minor, then why not ignore, move on and build a good relationship?
Definitely, it shouldn't be just religion. They do have to know how to speak their own language. It's something i noticed about myself, when my parents used to speak in urdu or punjabi with me, i wouldnt answer them back in urdu/punjabi always. But now that i have become aware of it and grew up, that importance has also grown for me. It would only make my life difficult not knowing my own language. As i can see with my brother for example, he is always struggling to communicate with desi people in urdu/punjabi. Where as my parents always urged us to not forget it. But Alhamdulillah, ettiquettes are also taught in Islam. We gotta take both of them in each hand, but Islam just a bit higher :)
Well said.
Its very good to learn our language to communicate agar shadi apni qom main hi karni hai deal to unsay hi karna hoga so sub kuch ana chahyay.
actually it's not hard to find good families. alhamdulilah, the few families we know are good families. their children are well behaved, and those of the children that are married and have their own kids are also very respectful and good, because they have been taught well. yes there are really weird families, and we know them, but since i do not agree with their point of views (the children because that's who i was supposed to hang out with) i refused outright to meet them. all because my parents have definitely taught me well.
that's why if you behave well, you meet people who behave well, and your children will also learn to behave well. ofcourse there isn't a single family out there that is perfect, but if the issues are absolutely minor, then why not ignore, move on and build a good relationship?
Thanks sis for answering.
Problem with me is I neverever made friends in my life. I always remain bookworm. I don't even no how to deal with ppl and even how to answer them.
Here I post long but in real life I don't now how to answer ppl at all. Even when I know what to say.....awaz meray halaq say naheen nikalti. That is not good for me cause ppl who are not good with me keep doing same thing cause they know I'm not gonna answer them back just keep listening.
Thats why I joined GS to learn how to make friends and good friends. How to keep friendship with them and I also want to find good ppl to have friendship.
First time in my life im interested in making friends. I never ever made friends.
I don't know when ppl do little things against Islam then I don't like to have them as a friend. And you know we are himself not perfect in our religion too.
I try to avoid those ppl who choti choti aur fazool baton main jhoot boltay hain aur bayimani wali baat kartay hain.
I don't know how to overcome those things.
I aslo want to learn how to talk or communicate with ppl. How to ignore. and lots of things.
yeah..it is true thats its not easy to find good paksitani families ..
another thing is..paksitani children who grow up abroad should definitely have exposure to all types of paksitanis so that they will know how they are to deal in big fmaily situations and with cunning people..becasue we cant have them live in a shell otherwise when they encoutner such people later on they will have difficulties and will not know how to handle situations which might cause them mental distress..
I cannot even really fathom how much of a difference it has made for me that my parents raised us in a desi community, with a circle of very close friends who have children around the same age as mine and my brothers'. These people were family for my parents when they first came to the US and other family members were not present. These people are like family for me, and I've never felt like I was missing out on certain things that my non-desi friends did, because I had other ways of socializing.
I would never limit my social circle to desis, but I think it's important to have a community of people whom you trust who can share your cultural and religious heritage.
yeah..it is true thats its not easy to find good paksitani families ..
another thing is..paksitani children who grow up abroad should definitely have exposure to all types of paksitanis so that they will know how they are to deal in big fmaily situations and with cunning people..becasue we cant have them live in a shell otherwise when they encoutner such people later on they will have difficulties and will not know how to handle situations which might cause them mental distress..
Exactly sis.
As I'm dealing with. I don't know how to deal with those kind of ppl like our desis when they are your relative.
Relatives ko chor bhi naheen saktay aur deal kerna naheen ata ho to life become stressful.
There is nothing bad in it, as it would help them remain familiar to their own language an culture, but certain checks are required.There should not be any compromise on character and manners. Keeping good company with the pious results in attainment of beneficial knowledge, noble manners and righteous actions, whereas keeping company with the wicked prevents all of that
the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) said: "A person is likely to follow the faith of his friend, so look whom you befriend."
Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) said: "The example of a good companion and a bad companion is like that of the seller of musk, and the one who blows the blacksmith's bellows. So as for the seller of musk then either he will grant you some, or you buy some from him, or at least you enjoy a pleasant smell from him. As for the one who blows the blacksmith's bellows then either he will burn your clothes or you will get an offensive smell from him."
Allah the Exalted says in the Qur'an: "And (remember) the Day when the wrong-doer will bite his hands and say: Woe to me! Would that I had taken a path with the Messenger. Woe to me!** If only I had not taken so- and-so as a friend**! He has led me astray from this Reminder (the Qur'an) after it had come to me. And Satan is ever a deserter to man in the hour of need." [25:27-29]
Allah, the All-Wise also says: *"Friends on that Day will be enemies one to another, except al-Muttaqoon (i.e. those who have Taqwah)." *[43:67]
^JazakAllah khair for the kind words of encouragement. Indeed Allah knows BEST.
Ali (r.a.a.) said: **"Mix with the noble people, you become one of them; and keep away from evil people to protect yourself from their evils."
If among the options available to us, there are not many pious people, then it is better to select the best out of them and consistently practice the rule of **"Encouraging good and discouraging bad" in order to protect ourselves from being influenced by their bad deeds, as being a quiet observer is at times dangerous for our Imaan. There would always be preaching taking place in a gathering of either good or bad, directly or indirectly. The best form of defense of ones Imaan is to attack the ignorance with wisdom so that people whom we try to correct are not offended by our words but at the same time influenced by the sunnah of the Prophet (saw) by the grace and blessings of Allah (s.w.t)
A believer is the mirror of his brother, and if he sees any faults in the other believer, he draws his attention to it, helps him to give it up and helps him wipe away any evil that he may have. Ibn Hazm said: Anyone who criticises you cares about your friendship. Anyone who makes light of your faults cares nothing about you."
How can we expect sincere advice and exhortation in regard to our religion from those who are displeased with our Deen or are simply indifferent? Are they going to help us achieve the purpose of our life, or will they take us away from it? Will they desire for us Allah's pleasure or is that Completely irrelevant to them and not their concern at all? Are they leading us to al-Jannah or to the Hellfire? These are the questions we have to ask ourselves, lest we wake up after we die.
"O you who believe! Take care of your own selves. If you follow the right guidance and enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong no hurt can come to you from those who are in error. The return of you all is to Allah, then He will inform you about (all) that which you used to do." [5:105]
We ask Allah to make us of the righteous ones and give us companions that will take us away from His Wrath and lead us to His Pleasure and Paradise.
I think its a good idea if only the kids parents have some decent values and a good head on their shoulders... its not worth it otherwise. I have noticed growing up that the parents of the children make a vital difference to the kids friendship...
My daughter doesnt have any desi friends (or any other friends) at the moment besides her cousins.. But I'd like her to have a mixutue of friends... like at childcare and stuff.. on the other hand id like her to be good mates with her cousins too, to learn about Islam and have it rub off on her... thats very very important to me..
Based on my personal experience, I have a very big desi social circle, but I mingle with only selected few , in fact I live in a neighborhood where we are four desi Muslim families living very close to each other. We have kids of same age. Our kids play with each other , the wives get together , husbands get together . I never noticed any of the social evils you are talking about.
This is what we have done to achieve this co cohesiveness . Every Tuesday all the families and kids get together at one of our homes for Magrib prayer , we pray Mugrib then one of the kids will talk on a pre assigned Islamic topic. Some times we challenge the kids to memorize one surah ,or dua a qanoot, dua a safar, or any other duaa and there is a reward for the kids who accomplish it, everybody is given the reward , so the kids compete just to see who memorizes it first. We have a family pot luck every month . When the school is in session some of the kids cannot go for Jumma prayer so the kids get together at one of the homes and pray namaz a Jumma , one of the adult will deliver the Khutba.
Now remember these kids play outdoor every evening and never for last two years there has been a fight or even back biting. There are people of other ethnicities living here too and all the kids play various outdoor games and never ever a fight broke.
We collectively have 14 Muslim kids starting from age 4 to 15.
So here you go , this is the right way to socialize with desies. Occasionally we will get together and play table tennis , pool , carrom board etc.
I am telling all this for the benefit of others if they want to follow or improve upon what we are doing.
a desi circle can be both good and bad, it depends on the type of people you end up with. ive lived here in the UK all my life, and my parents are part of a very big desi circle, in turn all of the kids are friends with each other. but i can honestly say i prefer spending time with my white friends more (majority of my friends are white due to the schools i went to, there was a lack of asian people there). there's this constant need for asians to be better than everyone else, theres so much drama, and *****yness, and back biting, i really hate it all. and everything that happens some how gets back to your parents cause people cant keep their mouths shut. white people are straight forward and honest, well the people ive come across definetly are.
I agree with Mirch bhai......, you are likely to treat someone on the type of mindset you have made up about them before meeting them and hence get a response accordingly. I worry about providing the appropriate desi culture for my kids in terms of language/social skills etc. My four year old speaks only in English we are now speaking in Urdu and encouraging my two kids to reply in Urdu.......its a long road.My siblings are the same mum speaks in punjabi and they reply in English!
I don't think I'm in a position to judge desi people about how they live their life etc.......Its important to see the good in people and disregard the bad as we don't have access to all the facts behind their behavior. I don't have the time or patience for extended social life but I do try to provide some sort of desi atmosphere for my children to explore.
Believe me they won't learn anything good other than all the fuss from ourt community.
I never made desi friend and I nor want to live desi area.
Yes they have to learn how those desies behave if they are going to marry in desi then to deal with them they sure have to meet and learn.
They will learn more bad things rather than good things.
We lived in a non-desi area for a few years and believe me its not all that.......yeah it was quiet and beautiful but we felt as if something was missing. As for not wanting to make desi friends I think you need to give others a chance.
There is good and bad in every society......