So, being a desi but living in the US, having tons of desi friends and non desi friends, I have been able to identify a few differences between our parenting styles. Of course, these may not be true for everyone [these are generalizations mostly], but here goes anyway
Desi moms don’t encourage sleepovers until the kids are 23 and even then, call them after every 2 hours so see if they are sleeping. Non desi moms usually don’t have problems with it.
Desi moms stand over their kids’ heads until the entire meal is eaten and the plate has been licked clean regardless of how many times the kid vomits in the process and complains of mirchain. Non desi moms are more disciplined and allow their kids to eat independently from an early age, and eat as much as they can.
Desi dads of daughters think all boys are villains. Non desi dads are a little less obsessive.
Desi moms and dads sacrifice their own health and even if they are dying, they must take their kids to the mohalley ka park to go down the same slide they have been going down for the past 12 years because that’s the highlight of their fun.
[This does not hold true for me, or any parent on GS…]
Re: Desi parenting styles vs non-desi parenting styles
disagree with point 1 and 2.
point 1- its not 23, it 33.
and point 2 alot of non-desi mothers dont usually freshly cook their kids meals, ive seen alot of ready made crap in their trolleys, stuff like deep fried chicken trash not the organic kind either.
plus from what i used to get when i was younger nahin khana to pir dafa ho jao, aur kuch nahi miliga hence i would eat everything in fear.
Re: Desi parenting styles vs non-desi parenting styles
my has a habit of calling me ONCE and if i pick up he will say itneyyyy derrrrrrrrrrrr baaaddd kyun uthayay...and proceed to lecture.
god forbid if i dont pick up, il get a hell of a voicemail......scare the living daylights out of me, il go home thinkn theyl be a cricket bat waiting for me....and find both parents calmly watching tv and smiling at me and saying aggi tum,....and thats it.
i mean, they scare the bjeesssssessssszzzz outta u, and then once ur home its another story.
Re: Desi parenting styles vs non-desi parenting styles
point 2 alot of non-desi mothers dont usually freshly cook their kids meals, ive seen alot of ready made crap in their trolleys, stuff like deep fried chicken trash not the organic kind either.
sorry, but that's a huge generalization of non-desi moms- i'm close friends with many and your comment is pretty offensive. maybe you should make friends with some non-desi mom's to get to know them a bit better and realize they love their children too and have no wish to feed them crap, instead of just making ridiculous judgments based off their shopping trolley contents.
Re: Desi parenting styles vs non-desi parenting styles
ahahahahahha i remember getting those calls/voicemails in college if I was a little bit late (past 6-7 PM) I would rush out of whatever I was doing (usually hanging with friends) go home all stressed and worried and brace myself for the (verbal) cricket bat waiting for me…only to realize that my mother took all her anger out on the phoen and was normal by the time I got home
Not to argue with your point but I believe that a big reason desi parents of our generation didn’t buy those ready-made/processed foods was cz of hte halal factor.
Re: Desi parenting styles vs non-desi parenting styles
disagree with point 1 and 2.
point 1- its not 23, it 33.
and point 2 alot of non-desi mothers dont usually freshly cook their kids meals, ive seen alot of ready made crap in their trolleys, stuff like deep fried chicken trash not the organic kind either.
plus from what i used to get when i was younger nahin khana to pir dafa ho jao, aur kuch nahi miliga hence i would eat everything in fear.
Nahi nadz, lots of non desi moms I know cook the freshest healthiest meals for their little ones including baby food from pureed organic steamed vegetables and make us salan-y moms looks bad :(!
Re: Desi parenting styles vs non-desi parenting styles
god forbid if i dont pick up, il get a hell of a voicemail......scare the living daylights out of me, il go home thinkn theyl be a cricket bat waiting for me....and find both parents calmly watching tv and smiling at me and saying aggi tum,....and thats it.
i mean, they scare the bjeesssssessssszzzz outta u, and then once ur home its another story.
I absolutely hate worrying the whole ride home and then coming home to 'happy' parents
Re: Desi parenting styles vs non-desi parenting styles
Hahahah! I guess every kid goes through that. I once went out with 2 of my female friends, just to eat out and got a lot of vocabulary on the phone for still not being back. I wanted to run away, hide some place so i dont get a wrath from them. I literally could not eat a thing, my mind was blocked with terror and when i got back my mum was on the phone with my khala and happy laughing and my father reading newspaper. Huh!
Re: Desi parenting styles vs non-desi parenting styles
As much as it annoyed me when I was younger, I am totally in support of the limited sleepover policy that my parents had. I WAS allowed to sleep over with close cousins or desi family friends, but even that was limited to some degree. But I was never allowed to go to sleepovers with my school friends. After seeing what my younger cousins and such have gotten up to, I really think it was smart to forbid those. I mean, I did not have any bad intentions, and my friends were nice girls, BUT there is always someone who is a bit of a trouble-maker.
In some ways, it's like these 24-hour news channels that just put on crap to keep their programming going. Girls hanging out together for so long often bring out the most superficial and sometimes mean-spirited qualities in each other.
My parents would pick me up quite later (like between 10pm and midnight), so I wasn't completely left out.
Re: Desi parenting styles vs non-desi parenting styles
My cousin said to me once: Non desi parents want their children to be happy and Desi parents also want their children to be happy but just their version of happy.
Re: Desi parenting styles vs non-desi parenting styles
About the sleepover thing were u allowed sleepovers with girls who were desis or did that not make a difference?
I was allowed sometimes (desi and non-desi) but only after I started kicking up a fuss at 13-ish (was the same for overnight school trips till that age, I remember at age 8/9 how unhappy I was at not being allowed to go to stay on a farm for the weekend lol), strange thing was I ended up boarding at school so it went from that extreme to the other..
Some Pakistani and Bengali girls I knew weren't even allowed out shopping with their friends in the daytime, very ott :(
About the cooking thing wouldn't most desi mums have more time to spend cooking and not have to use so many ready meals etc. cos they're less likely to go out to work..
Re: Desi parenting styles vs non-desi parenting styles
Neither did we - my mum always said: aankh ujhal, pahaar ujhal - so it was forbidden. For my nieces, the only place they can sleep over is at their khaalas and nani’s home.
My sister was telling me about her girls who were invited over for an after playdate to the across-the-street neighbour’s home. They’ve known the family for 12 years. My sister reluctantly agreed than after sending them over changed her mind and made an excuse to pick them up. The girls came home and told their mom that the 7 year old brother son kept hanging around and offering to show them pics of naked girls
My sister said NEVER again will she send them on a playdate where she’s not around.
Re: Desi parenting styles vs non-desi parenting styles
No, I don't think I'd want my child sleeping over at someone else's place no matter how nice those folks are [unless they are family] just because I don't know the dynamics at their home.
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