Desi Muslim Dating in the West

Re: Desi Muslim Dating in the West

I've only been here an year. I don't think Pakistan has changed that much.

Some still do marry blindly, without meeting or talking prior to marriage.

Back in back Pakistan people don't cohabit together until they're married, unlike they do over here. Not everybody at your school is paired up with somebody. It's possible that the Pakistani diaspora here is all paak and saaf, probably more than people back home. But they don't represent the whole of Western society (if you can group them all together).

It's possible that some people in Pakistan date, might even sleep together before getting married. But what percentage of Pakistanis do that? 10%? 20%? What percentage of Americans do that?

Re: Desi Muslim Dating in the West

but you gauge a society by its norms not yours, because when yours gets assessed by the other places norms then you may cry foul..right?
we can slam US for teen pregnancies, pre marital and extra marital sex, rapes, and all
pakistan has its own demons...forced marriages, acid attacks, watta satta, massive abuse, etc...
I still maintain that if std are avoided premarital sex harms no one other than the individuals involved..

Re: Desi Muslim Dating in the West

i agree that almost on one in pakistan starts living together before marriage, but that does not mean they are not having sex before marriage. how can onyone come up with a % of pakistanis having sex when their own family has no idea about it? people are very secretive about their personal lives over there, unlike here in us where everything is out in the open. my mom used to be an ob/gyn in pakistan, she has seen hundreds of young unmarried women trying to get on birthcontrol so they wont get pregnant, some would even try to see her for an abortion. and these are not even from upper class mainly, alot of lower middle class girls wearing a dupatta on their head would ask for abortion from her! i was just shocked when she told me this because if you look at those girls, you would never think they would even talk to a guy. again, im not saying thats how all pakistani girls are, all i am saying is that it's IMPOSSIBLE to know how prevalent premarital sex is when its the most taboo subject, something that can ruin their lives if people find out, therefore no one will admit that they have done it or doing it. I also have plenty of female friends and cousins in pakistan(they range from middleclass or upper class) who would confide in me about their sex lives because they knew they could trust me and i wouldn't judge them, and mainly so i could find out information about birth control from my mom for them so they don't get knocked up. even a hijabi friend of mine, who wouldn't even let anyone post a picture of her without a hijab on facebook, has had sex many times with her boyfriend before she had her nikah with him. you would truly be surprised at how common this is amongst pakistani people, and quite frankly, it's just natural and everyone is responsible for their own actions, who are we to judge really?

Plus we don't have no premarital sex, Mutah is totally kosher errr I mean halal baby, if you know what I mean mate :-)

Just read the last few replies...and i have to agree with the view dating bf/gf scene in Pakistan is very common now...obvs in rural areas not so much. But big cities...what with the cell phones being so common and cheap. My visits are 3 months out of a year...and in those 3 months prank callers (men and women) would mssg trying to establish some sort of "frandship".

Dating doesn't strictly mean only the physical/sexual aspect. Girls in Pakistsn go on secret dates to random places like McD's....maybe once a year. But they call/text their bf's 24/7. And refer to these guys as their boyfriends as well. Pakistan has changed a lot...and i think older people (28+ yrs old) don't see it...but i'm 22 now and have visited regularly since i was 8...in different circles of girls...madrassa, tuition centers, schools, universities, my own cousins...and i've noticed the same steady change and that is the cell phone/bf culture. It is very common...and ppl that deny it i think are simply in denial themselves. If there is a difference it's that dating in the West is done openly...in Pak it's hush-hush. Otherwise...prevalence is the same.

Personally...i don't think there's anything wrong with finding a spouse on your own...thru metting someone/talking to them etc. However, probably bcos of my Islamic upbringing, i don't think it's right to go on regular 'dates' and be all romantic...and then break up and do it with someone else. It really should be done with dignity and respect...and if u feel there is no connection then move on. I don't believe in the Western view of dating, basically.

Oh and also...pre-marital sex is not common in Pak. Come on sheesh. That is too big of a taboo to even consider.

But dry humping is okay.

Re: Desi Muslim Dating in the West

I'm not against datingbut I find it odd that people who have very limited exposure to the Pakistani community seem to pass comments with certainty regarding how common it is for people in Pakistan to 'date'. Here is the thing, why is it that the people who are based abroad can be the only judge on what's happening in Pakistan. Be it someone born and raised in the west who travels to Pakistan frequently and has very good interaction with people from all sorts of backgrounds. Or some one who was born and raised in Pakistan but shifted to the west. What about the opinion of people *currently *living in Pakistan right now? All of that can be disregarded just because this is an ignorant nation with all sorts of problems and don't know what they are talking about, right? If someone had an premarital affair in the neighborhood or family or school or office, they'll go all James Bond and no one around them would know? So if I understood is all correct whatever statistics Pakistan based individuals came up with in terms of people they know from school, college, university and then office is still significantly low compared your visit to a dating spot like F 9 Park in Islamabad?

Re: Desi Muslim Dating in the West

Internet Cafe Scandal
this news was all over geo few years back. this is when net cafes were very popular among young people. many young people were recorded without their knowledge this happened in all major cities in pakistan. so many girls committed suicide because they couldnt deal with the shame of being exposed. and these are just the ones that were caught. premarital sex with boyfriend, or paid sex via prostitute, is not uncommon. why are we in such denial? no one can come up with a % of its prevalence when it’s a taboo subject.

Re: Desi Muslim Dating in the West

Woaah didn't think it was that prevalent.

I think someone living in Pakistan won't be as objective as someone not living there. My cousins have boyfriends...i've seen them text and meet these people...yet when mentioned, i almost always get a reply along the lines of "oh but u dont get it...its not serious...we dont kiss/hug/go on dates/etc etc" or "u live in the US...ppl have sex on the benches there" =/

Any debate/discussion will always be tainted by bias. Just discuss America/any Western country vs. Pakistan with ANY pakistani...i gaurantee you...despite whatever hardship or problems either side is facing in their country...they will always side with their home.

In this case...Pakistanis abroad KNOW what the dating situation is in the West...no one has argued that dating in the West is awesome. The point most have made (excluding bella88 cos i think she's a troll) is that Pakistan has changed DRASTICALLY from say the 90s period, in regards to bf/gf etc. This is partly political (General Zia generation people were a lot more conservative...it lasted until Musharaff came into office, then there was a lot more liberalism) and partly just a change that has occured over time...the world is a much smaller place now. My grandfathers village didn't have cable until 5-6 years ago...now everyone there watches Star Plus and there has been a higher rate of girls wanting to avoid the arranged marriage route and marry guys they like.

I don't think it's a bad thing wanting to know or talk to someone to see a potential for marriage...i just hope it doesn't escalate to rampant pre-marital sex and behayai. India is a prime example of this...cohabitation before marriage was unheard of in India up until 8-10 yrs ago...now? Common. Bollywood even...kissing scenes were like haaww haayyeee...pan out and switch to dancing. Now i srsly can't think of one Bollywood movie that doesm't include some sort of sex scene.

Anyway...that was long...i hope it made sense. =/ And i love Pakistan before anyone says i'm a troll or a hater...lovelovelove it.

I will just point put that first, the article says it happend in one city. Which is true. Secondly…the spelling/grammar is atrocious. Extremely unreliable.

Re: Desi Muslim Dating in the West

so if you don't agree with me, i am a troll?

[quote]
I don't think it's a bad thing wanting to know or talk to someone to see a potential for marriage...i just hope it doesn't escalate to rampant pre-marital sex and behayai. India is a prime example of this...cohabitation before marriage was unheard of in India up until 8-10 yrs ago...now? Common. Bollywood even...kissing scenes were like haaww haayyeee...pan out and switch to dancing. Now i srsly can't think of one Bollywood movie that doesm't include some sort of sex scene.
[/quote]

just like you think premarital sex is behayai, someone whos more religious than you might think talking/meeting a nonmehram is also behayai, no matter what. there are far more other horrible things happening in pakistan, which are way worse than sex. everyday people live in fear of their lives when they step outside in karachi, people snatching cellphones, jewelry right in the middle of the day! if people are capable of commiting such crimes, like killing a human being for merely a few thousand rupees, do you honestly think that they would consider premarital sex as such a terrible thing? and there is no reason to bring india in this, why does it even matter when they are not even muslims?

Re: Desi Muslim Dating in the West

this was all over geo tv when i was living in pakistan. it happend in karachi, lahore and rawalpindi. and these are just the cases that actually got caught and reported, how many go unreported?

Re: Desi Muslim Dating in the West

Obviously from where else could come such lowgrade comparisons. Tell shaanay, next time don't come around growling like a chained she-demon agar kisi nay kuch bura keh diya to. Okay

Re: Desi Muslim Dating in the West

and then girls complain why guys go back to Pakistan to find his spouse. Answer is there above.

Re: Desi Muslim Dating in the West

you clearly didn't read the whole post. i mentioned people IN PAKISTAN are also doing it. and since when are the guys all 'pure' themselves?

Shawns/eliminator/bella88…why do u bother? Stahp.

I think PCG posted on the first couple of pages…meeting someone thru the proper channels (have a supervised date, wear hijab etc basically) is actually a decent way to find a husband. Maybe culturally people follow some twisted theories like omg-i need-to-stay-in-my-home-24/7-otherwise-il-go-to-hell…but Islamically, no…there’s no such restriction. The Prophets first marriage wasn’t an “arranged marriage” by Pakistan standards…he knew Khadija (ra) and she knew him.

Also…what the heck is the correlation between cell phones being stolen and premarital sex?! I’m confused.

Re: Desi Muslim Dating in the West

I read your whole post and my comment was bit off topic about one thread where one poster complained that guys running back to Pakistan for marriage then who's going to marry sitting here in Canada and U.S? I know even the guys who're going back are not pure themselves but what about virgin girls and guys? What options are left for them when majority of desis have extramarital affairs?
I know it's happening in Pakistan but still you can't compare it with western countries and I spend better part of my life there so I know better.