My first time on here and my first time on a forum at all - but my predicament is such that i had to join!
I’m getting married in Dubai. My fiance is German and so I want to do something that combines both our cultures. Him and his mom have even agreed to wear pakistani clothes for the Mehndi and he’s very keen on seeing me in a white dress.
But my mom wants me to wear desi clothes for the wedding. So I came to a compromise desi for Mehndi and Baraat, and white dress for walima (which doesn’t make TOO much sense as the white dress represents the purity of an unmarried girl). I wanted to make the first 2 days very desi and the third day more western. I only have 2 Pakistani friends that are coming - most of my friends are Arab or European and I wanted everyone to enjoy and for the wedding to be not too in your face desi.
Until…parents of both sides came with the idea to only do Mehndi and Wedding reception - no walima. The cost of everyone flying in and three separate events was too much. So they decided instead of having 3 average events - why not 1 average Mehndi and 1 very nice reception (thinking Ritz-Carlton) …so that means no white dress?
Could I change during the reception? But what about my makeup, hair, and jewellery?
Where can I have the mehndi in Dubai? It will be in June so must be indoors.
Any other ideas of how to combine a gora-desi wedding?
The nikaah will be at Dubai court on the morning of the reception. So nothing fancy in that. I'll go rest, then go to salon for hair and make up to get ready for the reception that evening. The night before is Mehndi inw hich I'll be wearing a desi yellow outfit. Because we have loads of people coming in from abrad - we can't have too many events or days between events.
White desi outfit is not an option. Because as I said, it seems our wedding is more desi than anything else. I'm planning to wear a gold desi outfit.
I wore red/gold during the ceremony, and then wore silver/orange during reception.
Your options are the following:
1) Wear white during the nikah and gold (or whatever color you want ) during reception.
2) Wear a total white desi bridal during the reception.
3) I've seen bridal where the kameez is white but the dupatta/lehenga is red (or another color). OR plenty of white desi bridals with other colors used as accents. This is another option.
Most desi weddings I attend, the bride does not wear red/gold during the reception (I've seen purple A LOT lately!). Is your mom insisting on the reception outfit being gold? How come a white desi outfit is not an option (especially if its accented by gold or red)?
I thin kyou should talk to your family. It is very important for your fiance and his family to feel accepted and respected. Its your life and you have to live it with him. You need to give it a good start and not to get into some cultural fight.
White is anyways Prophet fav color and western white bridal dress is far more covering and less figure hugging than many of our bridal dresses. In nutshell, that is more modest than some of our dresses.
There was a Pakistani guppan who had a white wedding dress custom made for her walima (she married a european). It was stunning and she looked better than a lot of brides I have seen in traditional wear.
ms1623: hubby and I are both desi but literally half of our guests were goras. We also didn't want a typical desi event. In order to keep things "mixed", here are some things I did:
1) Food: Appetizers for cocktail hour and all desserts were western (got from the hotel). The dinner was desi.
2) Music: During the ceremony, I walked in with desi instrumental music. During reception, parents walking in, and our 1st dance was Western music. We had dancing after dinner and the DJ played a mixture of desi/western music.
3) Even though all my outfits were traditional desi, I did not wear the dupatta on my head at all (only wore it on my head during religious ceremony which was only close family). I made sure the outfit allowed me to walk around comfortably.
4) We didn't have a "stage" at the reception. We had a small sweetheart table where we sat during the speeches/performances. Afterwards, we got up, walked around the mingled with the guests all night long.
5) Our wedding was at a small boutique hotel. We stayed away from the traditional red/gold colors. My decor colors were green/brown/orange with ivory flowers. I didn't want a explosion of traditional desi decor in the ballroom. I wanted to keep it colorful but modern/classy (keeping with with the idea that half our guests are gora). If you're doing yours at somewhere like the Ritz....take into account the "feeling" and decor of the hotel when choosing your decorations.
For me personally, it was important to incorporate western food and music into our events b/c that way, if there were people in the crowd who didn't like desi food or the music, they had other options when it came time to eat and dance.
THANK YOU Afshi, Sahar, TLK, Mehnaz, and Paheli for your responses.
Paheli, I very much like the way you had your wedding. I’m of two minds - I never lived in Pakistan so don’t want to over do the desi but at the same time - there will be 30 Germans present and would like to show off our culture as well.
I’m going to consider convincing them to do a three day event. I would like to wear something like this:
Otherwise - what do you think of wearing a desi type headress on top of such a dress while walking in and taking it off right after exchanging rings etc?
that's gorgeous. if you do want some colour, you could always make the sash a red or whatever with a matching dupatta that you coudl wear as a veil and remove later on.
Otherwise - what do you think of wearing a desi type headress on top of such a dress while walking in and taking it off right after exchanging rings etc?
Ok I'm a little confused. That's a beautiful dress but what event are you talking about? Exchanging the ring at the court house?
Honestly, if the cost of a 3rd event for your family (and all the guests flying in) is going to be an issue....that I'm not sure if its a good idea to push for it. You want both families and all the guests to look forward to ALL the events.....not spend time worrying about the cost.
Nikaah will take about 10 −15 minutes in a VERY busy court. I want to dress casual - might even go in jeans.
I just don't want my fiance and his family to think that they are being excluded from the wedding and it's all a pakistani wedding.
1) Even at the court house....even if its only for 10-15 minutes....PLEASE do not wear jeans or anything too casual! At the end of the day.....that nikaah really is the "actual" wedding. That's the moment you two become husband and wife!
2) I'm very happy to see that you want to make sure that his family feels included in all this. When deciding your "look", of course everyone knows that you yourself have a vision as to what you will look like as a bride. But you must also remember that as goras, your fiance and his parents (especially his mother) have also always had a vision of what they wanted their bride to look like. Now is the time to find a balance between both visions. :)
Regarding the dress…so you want make sure you look like a “desi” bride right? I think that’s MORE than possible while incorporation white or other “gora” wedding outfit colors! I think for some reason, you might be thinking that a non-red or non-gold bridal jora won’t give you a “bridal” look. And that’s not true. The entire outfit doesn’t have to be totally white or totally gold (or red etc).
You can do a white or beige desi jora…and have it with gold kaam or other colors as accents. Or here’s another option…having the jora be pale pink. I think with goras, they don’t see brides in bright “in-your-face” colors the way we desis do. They prefer more subtle colors. Because of that, I think even a beige or pale pink will work in your case.
On you have the desi jora on (even if its all white), when you consider the mehendi, traditional desi jewelry, traditional desi bridal MU etc…believe me…you will look like a desi bride…lol.
Below I’m attaching some pics just to give you ideas. Don’t worry about the specific styles on these…look at the color combos and the “desiness” of them despite them being mostly white or beige.
^ exactly. in her case, she wore an oscar de la renta dress but she paired it with her mom’s jarao laccha and earrings which is typical hyderabadi jewellery. i don’t see why you can’t wear something similar to the reception and have a bit of a desi feel and a bit of a gora feel.
desi bridals these days are maxi’s, anyway, which is very similar to a traditional gora gown. the one you posted is gorgeous but paheli has also posted tons of options that you can choose from. if you keep the dress white and then top it off with a little bit of gold kaam, you an absolutely be a blend of both cultures and honour both equally. or you can opt to wear a very traditional mehendi outfit to show off desi culture to the german guests, and then wear the white gown of your choice with heirloom/traditional pakistan jewellery. you can also opt to wear a dressier veil if you want the desi look on a gora gown- opt for a spanish mantilla or a lace veil, or something heavily beaded. since you’ll be in dubai- not sure if you’re staying there- but pay a visit to the bridal stores there. you’ll see lots of options because traditionally, arab brides do wear heavily embellished white gowns for their weddings.
i married a gora and how we blended both cultures was have the nikkah the day before, and then on the day of, we had a traditional gora style of ceremony, with flower girls, ring bearer, bridesmaids and groomsmen preceding first my husband, accompanied by his parents, and then i joined him at the altar with mine. we were married again by a justice of the peace. we also chose to have a blended menu for our reception- we had chefs bbq’ing steak with traditional accompaniments like yorkshire pudding, and then we had a couple of desi choices with naan for those who wanted to sample pakistani cuisine. it worked out very well.
dress is just one way to honour both cultures; there’s lots of other things you can do too. how about incorporating some german traditions into your reception?
fav color and western white bridal dress is far more covering and less figure hugging than many of our bridal dresses. In nutshell, that is more modest than some of our dresses.
