Why is there such a negative attitude towards daycare/childcare or toddler/pre-school programs? Regardless of if you work or don’t, the general attitude is that if you put your child in any of the above-noted programs, you simply aren’t a good parent. One of my friends who had her daughter in daycare from an early age, the girl’s phuppi decided to brainwash the daughter when her mother wasn’t around and told her that her mother hates her and doesn’t want her around and that’s why she ‘dumped’ her into daycare. The psychological affects of this kind of talk is so damaging, it’s simply disturbing.
Why so much hate? More importantly, why do people who don’t even have any kids feel the need to dictate what ‘good parenting’ is?
I have observed this so much and I don’t understand how people handle hearing all sorts of putdowns.
Re: Desi Attitudes towards Daycare/Pre-School Programs
Its the holier than thou attitude these people have.
We will be having our baby Inshallah after years of trying and what not.
The other day I was having a conversation with a friend and some how it just came up that I will be going back to school most likely next semester.
The response I got was least expected.
Her question was who is going to 'raise' the child...I said I will,I am not leaving her or something.
She asks where will the child stay when you have to go,I said maybe a daycare or with a sitter.
I was told that I am doing 'nashukree' of Allah by 'dumping' the baby,especially when I am having it after so long, and doing something which can easily be left unfinished.
People just have to be judgmental and think that they are right and all others are not!!
Re: Desi Attitudes towards Daycare/Pre-School Programs
The common justification behind this attitude is
-You're letting strangers raise your kid
-You're not spending time with your kid and hence you're 'shrugging' off responsibility
Right or wrong, people should mind their own business. People in Pakistan too go out to work while their naukar chaakar raise their kids. You don't hear these aunti's badmouthing those parents.
My personal opinion: don't have one since i dont have kids. Though i'm going to try my best to keep daycare as a last last last resort.
Re: Desi Attitudes towards Daycare/Pre-School Programs
What is the difference between kids staying at home with their moms who may plop them in front of the t.v. all day?
There is no right or wrong answer. A lot of times, people do things cause they don't have a choice. If you don't agree with it, fine, but take your negativity elsewhere.
Re: Desi Attitudes towards Daycare/Pre-School Programs
The other thing is, society has changed. We do not live in the 'golden era' of our parents generation. Things are not the same as they were back then.
What do you do if you are married to a deadbeat who doesn't provide for you or your kid? What do you do if you become a widow and have to go out and work? What do you do if for some reason, you are heavily in debt and need funds to pay it off? What if you want to go back to school and have no one else to look after the child? There are so many 'what if' scenarios ... not everything is so black and white and 'easy peasy' as outsiders make it seem.
Re: Desi Attitudes towards Daycare/Pre-School Programs
There is another glaring issue here. When I was a kid, as young as 4 years old,I was safely able to go outide and around my block meeting and playing with friends. The moms would all keep an eye and at mealtimes, just stand on the front porch and call us. We had so much fun, frog-hunting, building forts from scrap wood, riding bikes etc etc.
These days, it just isnt safe to let little kids roam even in their own vicinity. Arranged playdates are the order of the day and social skills develop in preschool settings. The aunties and elders just dont get it, that things are so very different these days. Working parents or not, little kids need to socialize and daycares and preschools are where theycan safely learn and grow.
The aunties and elders just dont get it, that things are so very different these days. Working parents or not, little kids need to socialize and daycares and preschools are where theycan safely learn and grow.
Re: Desi Attitudes towards Daycare/Pre-School Programs
:hinna: I’ve faced that issue, however, my MIL is so sweet… she keeps complimenting me on how I’m raising my daughter despite working full-time and has never ever said that I dumped my daughter, blah blah even though my daughter started going to daycare at a very early age.
Her support is what has helped me with the guilt (that I felt inside at first) and gave me enough confidence to just ignore people who make negative comments about working moms. They will continue doing it and I don’t care anymore, my child is mashaAllah very well-behaved, confident and well loved by her parents/grand-parents and thats what matters. These people will never understand and keep passing judgment, try to enlighten them and if it doesn’t work… just ignore them.
Re: Desi Attitudes towards Daycare/Pre-School Programs
I think the older generation loves to rehash daycare HORROR stories. I don't see Desi parents dumping their children off at ANY daycare. They put a lot of thought and effort into it to where, the class environment.
Most of my desi friends opted for the daycare they can see thier baby 24x7 in the nursery via cams. Some of them visit them during the day or have lunch with them.
My mom was a naysayer intially but when she saw some of the daycare facilities and staff - she was pleasently surprised.
Re: Desi Attitudes towards Daycare/Pre-School Programs
I'm at stay at home wife soon to be a mother and I think daycares are great for children. Children learn to interact a lot better and learn many skills. If we can afford it we'll definitely put our child in daycare!
My sister is a SAHM and she put her 3 year old in a montessori program - and its the best decision she ever made!
He loves playing with the other kids and learning new ideas. His personal growth has been amazing because he needed structured learning. His teacher said that he is a "keen advocate of social justice" - he hates when kids are treated inquitably.
The thing is being with and among other children and away from home has allowed him thrive. It has nothing to do with my sister's parenting, rather children need more than to be attached to mommy's apron strings - they need to learn to be with others and unless you have other kids at home who challenge you outside of your comfort zone or a mum that is trained or capable of teaching you (which most aren't) - disciplined learning is a great option.
Re: Desi Attitudes towards Daycare/Pre-School Programs
The idea of a 'day care' is as old as humanity. Back in the days when we still had to hunt or gather food, the old 'aunties' and grand mothers used to take care of the kids while the parents go out to bring food home. I guess some aunties from that era are still alive. :D
My daughter has gone to day care since she was 7~8 months old. When I see her playing with her cousins who have stayed home until they were ready for KG, you can't tell the difference in behavior, manners, habits etc. Her Urdu is not as fluent as some of her cousins but I think we (the parents) are to blame for that, not the day care.
There are so many advantages to having children at daycare. They not only get a chance to interact with other kids and learn social skills but many projects are a good mix of left and right brain activities. By simple games they are taught to be creative. Alongside they still learn organization and structure as each game or activity is done in methodical ways. The learn appropriate behaviors such as waiting their turns, sharing toys and table etiquette.
It is so much better than putting a kid in front of TV and a mother talking on the phone or cleaning the house.
Why is there such a negative attitude towards daycare/childcare or toddler/pre-school programs? Regardless of if you work or don't, the general attitude is that if you put your child in any of the above-noted programs, you simply aren't a good parent. One of my friends who had her daughter in daycare from an early age, the girl's phuppi decided to brainwash the daughter when her mother wasn't around and told her that her mother hates her and doesn't want her around and that's why she 'dumped' her into daycare. The psychological affects of this kind of talk is so damaging, it's simply disturbing.
Why so much hate? More importantly, why do people who don't even have any kids feel the need to dictate what 'good parenting' is?
I have observed this so much and I don't understand how people handle hearing all sorts of putdowns.
because these people are A grade ullu kay pathay.
no other reason.
I have not run into such situations
anyway here is one that takes the cake..
a dude and his wife were working hard, raising kids, had daughters in preschool...not even daycare or with baby sitter ..they were supporting his family back home and sending money to his parents..dude's freeloader older brother who lived with the mother puts them down and their kids down saying these people would have kids with bad moral characters because the kids are in preschool rather than being at home with mother and what type of mother leaves her daughters with blah blah blah..
Re: Desi Attitudes towards Daycare/Pre-School Programs
^^:k:
I know someone who has 4 kids and they do not go to school…we are talking about regular school,not god forbid a daycare or anything of the sorts.Their reasoning is that ‘mahoul’ is kharab in foreign countries and bla bla…That person has had the nerves to tell his brother whose kids happen to go to a school in Lahore where there are boys and girls together in a classroom till grade 5,that he is ‘gunna kama-ing’ by sending his kids to such a place where girls and boys are together and that such an education is not worth anything etc etc…
I think this one takes the cake too…
People will come up with anything to justify what ever they think is right…
Re: Desi Attitudes towards Daycare/Pre-School Programs
I had a nanny for my kids when I was working. She took my little one to and from pre-school for the 2 and ahalf hours 3 times a week that she went and took care of my son when he was home from school some days. Even though thedaycare would have been a chepaer option, I still liked the nanny better. That said its no one's business to point fingers daycare or no daycare.
Re: Desi Attitudes towards Daycare/Pre-School Programs
Its a silly attitude.. and in it is the assumption that ALL mothers who stay at home with their children actually take care of them, spend time with them and do whats best for them... I think these people just like judging others because it makes them feel a whole lot better about themselves.. sad really.
Re: Desi Attitudes towards Daycare/Pre-School Programs
i dont really care what others say. I 'm full time stay at home mom and will send my son to preschool. Not full time but part time. 8 am-12 noon. He need some friends and not glue to mommy 24/7.
From what I am reading and from talking to different people who enrolled their kids into the pre-school Montessori program, they are so happy with the results. :k:
