I am in severe depression. I think negative each time when I talk to hubby. Hubby says tum ko jalnay qurnay ki adaat ho Gaye hai. He is happy only if is meet him on bed means sex. If it’s best we do daily.
Leftover any talk v have become a discussion or a big NO.
Wt do I do ?? Any suggestions
Am I wrong ??
Re: Depression after marriage
Go for outings and date night?
Re: Depression after marriage
Plz do not mind but you sound a bit immature… I guess you need to work on this and this will lead you to some logical solutions regarding your marriage problems.
Re: Depression after marriage
Before going into the detail or rootcause, this is what depression does to you.
Dont let it kill you.
Restored attachments:
2 Likes
Re: Depression after marriage
What do you think is the cause of your depression? There must be something bothering you.
Re: Depression after marriage
If we go by the way you express yourself here, it will be hard for anyone to have a conversation with you. You need to get better at communication, coz I hardly understood what sort of problems do u have.
Re: Depression after marriage
I don’t know if OP has edited her post and if so, then I missed some info. However, if that is not the case then I don’t think there’s enough information in her post to form a judgment yet. We need more info. Also, it’s disturbing for any woman to feel that there isn’t a deeper connection with her spouse; that it’s mainly sexual. It reduces a person to an object.
2 Likes
Re: Depression after marriage
What an impactful picture!!
Re: Depression after marriage
Zaiena, you have given us very little information about your marriage and that makes it harder for us to give you advice. Suggestions will be based on guesswork at best. Aap ne khud hi apni problems identify kar li hain: depression and a negative soch.
If there are certain baatain/conversations that irritate your husband, then maybe it’s better to avoid them. Timing is important, too. For example, when your husband returns home after a tiring day of work…that’s not the best time to bombard him with complaints. I don’t know if you live with your in-laws or not…but if you have issues with them…then you’ll have to pick and choose your battles. People tend to be defensive about their family members and you can’t change them. You have to push yourself to let some things go. I don’t know what kinds of “discussions” you’re having with him that result in a big “NO”…because you haven’t told us anything. We can’t read your mind. So, how can we tell you whether you’re right or wrong? Keep yourself busy in various activities so that you’re not constantly dwelling on your husband. It’s important to be able to vent your feelings to your husband, but listening to negativity all the time is exhausting; thak jata hai banda. People are more drawn/attracted toward a positive attitude and energy and language, but depression hinders that ability. Seek treatment for the depression if you believe that you legit have it.
Re: Depression after marriage
Agreed with Red. I don’t think OP is immature, from the little information she gave, it seems emotional intimacy is missing and that is a pretty significant part of a healthy relationship.
Re: Depression after marriage
Did you have an arranged marriage? how long did you know your husband and how much did you know about him before getting married? are you two on same wavelength? can you maintain (even in the beginning of relationship) a healthy, interesting and free-flowing conversation? do you feel you and your husband may be two very different people in terms of interests, outlook on life, aims, aspirations and other things?
Not every couple who get tied to each other with the bond of marriage can live, or even co-exist together. You need to be suitable, compatible, harmonious towards each other, compliment each other and make life for one another more joyful, interesting and something to look forward to.
Mere sacrifices, compromises, adjustments, putting up etc can only go so long, and you could end up being depressed and miserable all your life.
Re: Depression after marriage
Thanx for ur suggestions
First of all I will say don’t check my English or make a fun of me . I badly need serious suggestion as I have no friend or cousin or sister to whom I can share my problem.
Here I can’t explain each point publicly.
But try to clear some point.
Before marriage, I like roaming, want to do job to do something for mum. My father never gave respect to mum and me. He scolded any time any where to us on mini things. Still he is the same. Never serious about our problems. Just like v do all house chores and obey his mum order and their relatives. That’s all. Ver hardly once in two months he takes u out and do some shopping. I was depressed from such environment. I was 19 when I felt all serious. Then marriage prob of me lots of batien and scolds and fanancial problems.
At age of 27 , I got marriage .
Re: Depression after marriage
Looks like there are some financial problems after marriage as well. Talk to your husband and get a job. Keep yourself occupied.
Secondly, I suggest the two of you need to spend some quality time. Its almost summer time in Pakistan, go on a mini-vacation, go to Murree if nothing else. Staying in the same environment, at home all day, and doing to same routine especially if you have no one to talk to and husband is not responsive either, can lead to depression.
Thirdly, have you heard this, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Cook delicious food for him.
Lastly, pray your namaz. Seeking Allah’s help is solution to all your worldly problems.
Re: Depression after marriage
It sounds like you’ve had some issues with your marriage that you’re still holding on to. You haven’t forgiven your husband and you can’t seem to get over the past.
Only time and building a relationship with your husband will help.
Re: Depression after marriage
you need to give some more information to allow people to give suggestions…
Re: Depression after marriage
You just remember one thing not every man is like your father, it’s just because you ve experienced your father hard and tough, so you are now pessimistic, don’t think like this, just think positive about your husband and at least once or twice taking you out or shopping, many even don’t care of it, just start seeing what he is doing for you rather what he is not doing. Marriage is not only for shopping and roaming, its beyond these materialistic thing and temporary things, just enjoy every moment with your husband, many just because few things our husband are not doing, stop enjoying rest of the things he is doing! In šāʾ Allāh (إن شاء الله,) you would be happy if you start enjoying with him what he is doing!
2 Likes
Re: Depression after marriage
No wonder if you text speak.
Can you form whole sentences?
Maybe you married social media and facebook.
With one hand clutching the phone.
If you don’t like sex stop having it.
Just say NO.
Re: Depression after marriage
I wanna tell u some information related to marriage life. But network prob. I hv written thrice time but all erased
Re: Depression after marriage
I want to add abut after marriage. But network slows down or ur browser. I hv written thrice but all erased
Re: Depression after marriage
I want to think positive but it’s like past repeating itself.
I hv tried to talk with him but he isn’t willing to agree as he states
Main koi baigarat nahi jo apni ko ready krwa kay bahir lay kr jao. Aur shopping kay name pr shop to shop lay kr piro.
I don’t trust from start of marriages. Even no boy cousin or any college boy called me or meet me. Even my cousin girl never call me without any emergency. Just my mum calls me. And he knows very well as he hv checked my mobile many times. Fb check. Phlay phalay kahta tha u del all calls that u do.
He Blamed me tum bahir jah kr larko ko dekhti hn. Un kay liye ready hoti ho. Wt do I do. My mum says all time be ready makeup kro hair op n kiya kro. Jewellery pahni but wt do I do he always thought about me wrong.
I hv two kids now but still sometimes he checked mobile. Kya kro . I talked to Mama she said husband kay bro ka rista mray relatives main hua hai 4 saal engagement kay bad no last year shadi hui hai who thumaray saas ko galat kahti hogi jis ki wajha say husband ka mind aisa hai. Husband 24-7 Ghr hota hai as he is doing online Uk based business hai. Phr bhi trust nahi hai