I have some experience of these things in my own family. Some thoughts:
a) Masoom: Do not assume that a gora/gori therapist will not be able to help you because they do not understand your culture. At least give it a try! Culture is not the absolute barrier to understanding that some people assume it is. Also, we goras are smarter than you give us credit for---if you explain your situation and we are good listeners, most of the time we'll come to some understanding! :) And finally, almost all professional training curricula in psychology/psychiatry today include at least basic training in cultural sensitivity, etc.
b) Depression is not a matter of someone not praying, not believing in God, just feeling 'down', etc. It is a very real disorder and manifests itself in very extreme and deeply affecting ways. It's offensive and ignorant to suggest otherwise.
c) My mom has had lifelong severe mental issues----primarily depression, but also obsessive-compulsive disorder and bipolarism. For most of her life she would not get help. The last 15 years she has started taking meds, but her drug combos stop working after awhile and they have to tinker with the therapy, and any medical professional knows that with psychiatric meds its extremely difficult to find the exact 'sweet spot' where the meds work perfectly for any individual's condition. It's not like blood pressure medication, etc., where the effect is much more uniform and predictable across patients. The first time my mom tried to commit suicide I was three years old. Her most recent attempt was two months ago. She spends a lot of time in and out of the psych ward and has psychotic breaks at least once a year. She is currently on electroshock treatments and a cocktail of meds---electroshock is pretty drastic therapy and a last resort.
d) Now that I've told you the above, let me tell you what this has done to our family:
---my mom got married when she was 16 and was miserable from day one. She immediately set about trying to have babies to fill the emotional void. I was the first one that lived (I was born when she was 20---she had a miscarriage and two stillbirths before me.) My earliest memories are of visiting her in bed because she would spend all day in bed, and she would tell me that she didn't really love my father and that she pictured herself sitting on a fence holding a gun in her hand wondering if she should kill herself---great material to share with your three-year-old kid, huh?
---Two more kids later my mom decided she needed to collect more children, so she convinced my dad to adopt. My youngest sister came from an extremely abusive situation and was adopted through the foster system. My mom thought having another kid around would make her feel like her life had purpose but obviously didn't have the emotional capacity to provide for another child, especially one with such a bad past. My mother was very emotionally and verbally abusive to all of us, but especially to me and to my youngest sister.
---My dad worked his a** off his whole life to support us. He was naive enough to believe that if he gave my mom whatever she wanted she would be happy. Since I was little, she was a compulsive shopper who would spend a lot of money on the stupidest things and our house has always been crammed full of her 'collectibles.' In the meantime, my mom would rarely cook or clean the house; me and my siblings learned how to make our own meals, etc., at a young age, and from a young age would find our own odd jobs from neighbors, relatives, etc., to provide things for ourselves because money was constantly tight due to my mom's habits. Since the age of 13, my parents have rarely provided me any support for buying school clothes, school supplies, etc.---they gave me a roof over my head from 13-18, but half the time I would even buy my own food. Needless to say she rarely did anything for my dad---he rarely came home to a meal on the table that was made by her, and every morning he made his own breakfast and packed his own lunch. He worked most weekends and holidays to make overtime so he could keep up with the bills. Anyhow, after 25 years of living like this my dad developed heart disease and had to have a triple bypass five years ago. Since then he has had several more heart procedures, is being treated for sarcoma in his lungs, and is on meds for high cholesterol and blood pressure. He still has to work because my mother won't/can't and there is no other means of support. They are deeply in debt, with nearly $400K in debt on their home alone because of constantly taking out home equity, etc., (and their home is only actually worth about $250K.) This does not include other loan debt, including debt on credit cards that my mother keeps secretly opening behind my dad's back. They have no retirement savings and my dad is so tired. One of my sisters cooks for him because my mom won't even drag herself to the kitchen to make a heart healthy meal for him. We have tried to talk to my dad about his enabling---that he continues to let my mom spend away their lives, has sacrificed all his health for nothing---but all he will say is that if there's a chance it will make her happy he's willing to sacrifice.
So the situation today is this: I will never reject my family, but I keep my distance from my mother. I have accepted we will never be a 'normal' family. I have accepted that my dad will probably drop dead on the job in a few years trying to provide for my mother, and that until that day he will refuse all help from us because of his pride. I have accepted that when this happens my mother will be left completely destitute and will lose house, etc., and whether she likes it or not will have to move in with one of us, and we will have to cope with how to protect our own children from her, her moods, her cruelty, her manipulative behavior, her inappropriateness in what she will say or do around young kids, etc. I think my experience actually made me stronger---I'm extremely independent, learned from a young age how to make wise decisions for myself, etc. out of necessity, and became a high achiever because I was so desperate to work myself out of this situation. But naturally I struggle with the fact that my kids will never know my mother as a loving, healthy grandmother, and my independence is so extreme that it has been hard for me to let other people into my emotional world to rely on, to provide for me in any way, etc., and this can be lonely. In my youngest sister's case, she was never able to deal with the disadvantages of our upbringing. She left home, moved in with an unemployed, abusive boyfriend and his parents, smokes, drinks, barely holds down a minimum wage job, has no plan in life, and is now pregnant. Her life has become like a Jerry Springer episode. We ended up at two ends of the spectrum in how we dealt with our childhood.
I've never had any issues with depression and am happy every day to be alive. I wouldn't change any of my past because it made me who I am. I also acknowledge that my mother's situation is extreme and that many people with depression will function on a much higher and wiser level than her, and I'm not suggesting that any guppans/guppis who are dealing with depression risk the same situation as mine since everyone is different. But this is the most important thing this has taught me: if you are depressed or have other mental issues, you cannot EVER expect the solution to come from outside yourself. Getting married, having kids, having your own house, buying pretty things, etc., is not going to make you better. So rather than risking messing up a whole bunch of other lives, and creating a situation that in 30 years will lead to a broken family and broken hearts, do whatever you have to do to get better before you get married. Go to therapy, see if meds can help, try to find your purpose in life in a constructive way by volunteering, getting involved in the community, seeking a rewarding education and career, etc. Don't go nailing down some guy and then start producing children because you expect them to be responsible for your happiness---you risk destroying them all along with yourself.
Sorry this is so long! And I'm **NOT **looking for any sympathy, etc.!!! This is just my story, and I can't change it, but I thought this might be a good thread to give my advice on how to deal or not deal with a very tough situation.