Re: Deleterious effects of arranged marriage
^
good old days???
It still happens! Alhamdulillah for that. I've yet to see any 'love marriages' in my family n relatives etc. (not that i condemn these) And Alhamdulillah 99.9% are very happy. As I always say....Not only our girls got the best hubbies and MILs etc...but our boys and their mothers got the best girls too! Alhamdulillah.
Re: Deleterious effects of arranged marriage
Correction in previous post:
My father says that one of his uncles his on his wedding night, seeing his wife, came out and started cursing his mother- "what have u brought me".
Re: Deleterious effects of arranged marriage
The problem with arranged marriage is that with the guarantee of a mate there's no need for a flabby couch-potato to get up and make himself attractive (and vice versa, although it usually benefits men).
It's also very unflattering to women. Men should have to SEEK women by courting them. That's what romance is all about! Women want to be chased by a number of men, and no pleasure is more sublime for a woman that to have a number of men fight with each other for her hand. With arranged marriage, the spontaneity and gracefulness of seduction and romance disappears; it becomes a contrived affair managed by parents and other older people.
Seduction is all about suggestion and indirection, i.e. never revealing your plans and intentions. That is why it's exciting for the woman who is being seduced. In arranged marriage on the other hand, the woman knows that the man is there for marriage: this knowledge on her part drains the exercise of all pleasure. Woe unto those who give up the excitement and challenge of romance for the banal comforts of parent-arranged nuptials!
Speak for yourself! I had an arranged marriage and trust me, there was a lot of love and romance and courtship between us. Just because our initial meeting was arranged doesn't mean that the dynamic of the marriage is any different than a love marriage would be. I think that in an arranged marriage, you have to impress everyone in the family (your partner especially) in order to get the rishta to begin with. An arranged marriage does not guarantee you anything. You have to just as much effort into receiving love as you would with a love marriage, whether that's through graceful behavior or nice appearance. The rishta or the introduction may be "managed" through the elders, but the relationship and marriage never are--they are the sole responsibility of the two partners only.
Some of your phrases reek of immaturity. "No pleasure is more sublime than having a man fight for you?" How about "no pleasure is more sublime than knowing that one man will love you forever and be your companion for life?" Give that to me any day of the week.
Also, don't you think the "courtship" you speak of is pretty much a facade, an act? Why is it that amongst love marriages, we see higher rates of divorce? Why is it that American men joke that once the wedding rings are exchanged, you can kiss the sex goodbye? Where's the seduction then? Where's the passion when a woman waits YEARS for a marriage proposal from a guy that's basically using her for his jollies without any real committment? The person you go out on a date with is presenting him/herself in a very calculating manner. It's not the real them--it's their public face, the one they use to try to impress someone else.
Seduction occurs in every marriage, just because an arranged couple doesn't do it in public or over a period of years (years filled with uncertainty due to lack of a real committment), doesn't mean that they don't have a fiery relationship behind closed doors. Shows how little you know.
Re: Deleterious effects of arranged marriage
Some of your phrases reek of immaturity. "No pleasure is more sublime than having a man fight for you?" How about "no pleasure is more sublime than knowing that one man will love you forever and be your companion for life?" Give that to me any day of the week.
Also, don't you think the "courtship" you speak of is pretty much a facade, an act? Why is it that amongst love marriages, we see higher rates of divorce? Why is it that American men joke that once the wedding rings are exchanged, you can kiss the sex goodbye? Where's the seduction then? Where's the passion when a woman waits YEARS for a marriage proposal from a guy that's basically using her for his jollies without any real committment? The person you go out on a date with is presenting him/herself in a very calculating manner. It's not the real them--it's their public face, the one they use to try to impress someone else.
Seduction occurs in every marriage, just because an arranged couple doesn't do it in public or over a period of years (years filled with uncertainty due to lack of a real committment), doesn't mean that they don't have a fiery relationship behind closed doors. Shows how little you know.
Looks like I've hit a raw nerve. Don't take it personally. I wasn't criticising those of you who take the arranged route. Good for you if you do!
I don't know how your arranged marriage was 'arranged'. Certainly, the time frame by your own admission was much shorter than it would be with dating. So there's not really been any seduction, since as I said seduction requires indirection and suggestion (i.e. never state your true intentions). When you get an arranged marriage proposal, you know that the proposer is there for marriage. There is no room for speculation and the resultant emotional confusion which is a prerequisite for seduction.
I'm not denying that there is no wooing in arranged marriage, but it's different. It's mostly done after-the-fact, and hence not very exciting. With proper romance on the other hand, everything is unpredictable and instead of honesty and frankness there is indirection and baiting. This makes it quite fun for those who don't take it too seriously!
You've accused me of immaturity. The pleasures one seeks will vary depending upon what stage of life one is at. Before marriage, a woman wishes to be sought by lots of men. Obviously, once married she will wish her man (whom she has snatched from the claws of other women) to remain loyal to her. Both pleasures are sublime.
I think you're mistaken the meaning of "seduction". It doesn't mean passion / being horny etc. Seduction means to induce someone to fall in love with you without ever saying to them that you like them.
Re: Deleterious effects of arranged marriage
The problem with arranged marriage is that with the guarantee of a mate there's no need for a flabby couch-potato to get up and make himself attractive (and vice versa, although it usually benefits men).
It's also very unflattering to women. Men should have to SEEK women by courting them. That's what romance is all about! Women want to be chased by a number of men, and no pleasure is more sublime for a woman that to have a number of men fight with each other for her hand. With arranged marriage, the spontaneity and gracefulness of seduction and romance disappears; it becomes a contrived affair managed by parents and other older people.
Seduction is all about suggestion and indirection, i.e. never revealing your plans and intentions. That is why it's exciting for the woman who is being seduced. In arranged marriage on the other hand, the woman knows that the man is there for marriage: this knowledge on her part drains the exercise of all pleasure. Woe unto those who give up the excitement and challenge of romance for the banal comforts of parent-arranged nuptials!
was it inspired by some novel :D
Re: Deleterious effects of arranged marriage
:love: interesting
add more 
Re: Deleterious effects of arranged marriage
rubbish 
Re: Deleterious effects of arranged marriage
:p
Re: Deleterious effects of arranged marriage
Just analyze your own writing here: Every sentence is a contradiction.