Deleterious effects of arranged marriage

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: Deleterious effects of arranged marriage

@danial shah

but you know who they are and what will it be like, in arrange marriage you dont know what you gonna get. what if you hate the other persons personality etc. what you gonna do get a divorce. you should always have some say in your future, i'm not a believer in divorce etc. i rather have an open relationship. where both parties can do what they want and be happy.

but once again that can go both ways.....which is exactly why im open to having either a love marriage or an arranged marriage (in our family we at least get to talk and meet) cuz u have nothing to lose......for me its....whatever comes first.

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: Deleterious effects of arranged marriage

@musicmaniac

That actually makes the whole marriage thing more exciting. It would be extremely boring if u already knew every single thing about that person. Its not like ur parent are gonna make u get married to the guy forcefully. They are offcourse gonna ask for ur opinion too. So before marriage, in arrange marriages u have plenty of time to check out his/her personality.

exactly.....

but some parents til this day......force kids to marry someone of their choice....not everyone is as lucky as we are.

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: Deleterious effects of arranged marriage

@mAd_ScIeNtIsT

It depend on the attitude you take into the marriage. If you go in thinking that since the other person's already signed the nikkahnama then you don't need to put any effort into the relationship, then you're setting up for a disaster.

If on the other hand, you go in committed to putting in a lot of effort and wooing and impressing your spouse and winning them over and getting them to love you after they've signed the nikkahnana, then you're setting up for a much more happy situation.

sometimes.....whether love or arranged...once they win u over (signing of nikkanaama) they can and some do.....stop putting in effort...its not just limited to arranged marriages.

[mAd_ScIeNtIsT]

Re: Deleterious effects of arranged marriage

@AnGeL EyEs

sometimes…whether love or arranged…once they win u over (signing of nikkanaama) they can and some do…stop putting in effort…its not just limited to arranged marriages.

True. but wunderkind’s initial post implied that he/she expects that since little effort was needed to get as far as thr nikkahnama then that by default meant that no further effort would ever be put in. Whereas in reality it depends on what kind of person you marry.

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: Deleterious effects of arranged marriage

@mAd_ScIeNtIsT

True. but wunderkind's initial post implied that he/she expects that since little effort was needed to get as far as thr nikkahnama then that by default meant that no further effort would ever be put in. Whereas in reality it depends on what kind of person you marry.

ah...ic

in my opinion......whether love or arranged....the end result depends on the couple and how much effort they put into the relationship (and both have to put in effort not just one-sided).

[Cheegum]

Re: Deleterious effects of arranged marriage

So what are you saying fat and ugly people dont have love marriages???

[AQ]

Re: Deleterious effects of arranged marriage

I see the problem with all the ‘intellectual talks’ around here:)

Presumption being the absence of ‘LOVE’ in Arrange Marriages…

yada yada… love is already overrated .. blah blah blah… everyone has different meaning of this word ‘love’… first come and join the common grounds, then talk about all this stuff…

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: Deleterious effects of arranged marriage

@Cheegum

So what are you saying fat and ugly people dont have love marriages???

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: Deleterious effects of arranged marriage

@Anwaar Qureshi

I see the problem with all the ‘intellectual talks’ around here:)

**Presumption being the absence of ‘LOVE’ in Arrange Marriages… **

yada yada… love is already overrated .. blah blah blah… everyone has different meaning of this word ‘love’… first come and join the common grounds, then talk about all this stuff…

thats what it looks like…

u know…i’ve seen couples who have had a love marriage and some end up with a loveless marriage…circumstances change…people change.

ive also seen arranged marriages where the couple is quite happy and content.

[AQ]

Re: Deleterious effects of arranged marriage

yep, people change!!!!

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: Deleterious effects of arranged marriage

@Anwaar Qureshi

yep, people change!!!

ahuh…or maybe just that…curcumstances change?

[AQ]

Re: Deleterious effects of arranged marriage

nope, time never changes… it’s people who change :topic:

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: Deleterious effects of arranged marriage

@Anwaar Qureshi

nope, time never changes… it’s people who change :topic:

who said anything about time?

:topic:

[AQ]

Re: Deleterious effects of arranged marriage

circumstances are time dependent:naraz:

[Enya]

Re: Deleterious effects of arranged marriage

Qureshi bro doesn't the changing circumstances also changes people perhaps to cope with situations so in otherwords nothing remains the same. btw, what do we actually mean by time

[fghd]

Re: Deleterious effects of arranged marriage

@AnGeL EyEs

u can lose all of that(ie love, romance, physical attraction) with time.....doesnt matter if its a love marriage or arranged.

and why would that happen?

[Promiscuous_Paki]

Re: Deleterious effects of arranged marriage

Stop being goray, there's nothing wrong with arranged marriages just as there's nothing wrong with love marriages, only forced marriages are wrong.

In fact I think arranged marriages work better than love marriages, all the Desis I know who have had arranged marriages are happy, content and in love whilst all my white friends (whose parents have had love marriages) come from broken homes and are living with single mums or mum and step dad, I also know a few goray in their 20s who suddenly decided to break up just because "they don't love each other anymore" without any care for their 4-5 yr old children.

Don't follow white mans culture, they have horrible, cold, miserable, selfish and depressed lifestyles, we're Asian for f.. sake.

[fghd]

Re: Deleterious effects of arranged marriage

@-Promiscuous Paki-

Stop being goray, there's nothing wrong with arranged marriages just as there's nothing wrong with love marriages, only forced marriages are wrong.

In fact I think arranged marriages work better than love marriages, all the Desis I know who have had arranged marriages are happy, content and in love whilst all my white friends (whose parents have had love marriages) come from broken homes and are living with single mums or mum and step dad, I also know a few goray in their 20s who suddenly decided to break up just because "they don't love each other anymore" without any care for their 4-5 yr old children.

Don't follow white mans culture, they have horrible, cold, miserable, selfish and depressed lifestyles, we're Asian for f.. sake.

everything basically boils down to that howmuch understandin there is between the partners. Marriage is not only about just havin sex or havin kids or making love or feelin attraction or other stuff. Its a huge responsibility n requires a lot of compromise both in arranged n love marriages. Doesn't matter in which culture. Our Hazrat Khadija is a huge example of love marriage . . dont get me wrong but she proposed our Beloved Prophet (p.b.u.h) n had a successful marriage. If all the cards are played right by both partners then there is no way that u will say whether arrange marriages r better or the love marriage r better.

In love marriage, basically one partner end up expectin more outta other one, which then in later life causes the problems. If one understand that the less expectations to keep from each other the happier u will live :-)

In arrange, lol its all a suprise . . u take it as it comes unless it really beat the heck outta u.

[AQ]

Re: Deleterious effects of arranged marriage

@Evilmastermind

and why would that happen?

perhaps, hai justuju kaY khoob saY hai khoob tar kahaaN...
that makes all the married one appear as so much "bay chaaraY" .. they dun have choice of their own after sometime when 'that would happen' :(

[mAd_ScIeNtIsT]

Re: Deleterious effects of arranged marriage

@Evilmastermind

. Our Hazrat Khadija is a huge example of love marriage . . dont get me wrong but she proposed our Beloved Prophet (p.b.u.h) n had a successful marriage.

Was that even a “love” marriage? Did she love him at the time she proposed? The book on his life that I have said that she married him because amongst the single men of Mecca he had a reputation for being most trustworthy, humble, upright, righteous and she knew that he would not marry her just to get rich and then take her money.

He was her employee… the fact that she proposed by sending one of her servants to talk to him suggests that they didn’t go through the courting process at all or talk much to each other directly. If they were in love would she not have spoken to him in person?

In other words, it seems to me that it was an arranged marriage. Arranged by her.