Re: Delaying having kids after marriage for few years?
^ marriage isn't a joke. And let's not forget divorce should be the last possible solution. Two people need to work on their marriage, cuz the spark is going to fade away anyway sometime along the way.
About the kids thing, I strongly believe we shouldn't try to control that... the child will come into the world whenever it's destined to be born.
Ha! Pakistan's destiny must be really ****** up, for so many kids to come here.
Re: Delaying having kids after marriage for few years?
^ marriage isn't a joke. And let's not forget divorce should be the last possible solution. Two people need to work on their marriage, cuz the spark is going to fade away anyway sometime along the way.
About the kids thing, I strongly believe we shouldn't try to control that... the child will come into the world whenever it's destined to be born.
I don't think anyone's talking about abortion here (yes i said the A word). What they are saying is that, let's be proactive about not having a kid in the first place. Because let's face it, by the time people get married in our culture, they're so horny that they are bound to do something as soon as the molvi says "mubarak ho, now bring on my halwa". Now nothing wrong with consummating the marriage, I mean that's half of the story anyways. But...traditionally, no one knows their spouse before getting married. And because of that, there are so many things hidden, that can only come out after getting married. This included obnoxious habits like leaving the wet towel on the floor, to the in-laws being abusive or whatever. If you bring in the child into this situation, then you're messing with 3 or more lives. If things do come to a point where a divorce happens, the most affected IMO is the child, not the parents. Parents can deal but the children are most affected.
So, to prevent that kind of situation, nothing wrong with using contraceptives, whatever you choose.
Re: Delaying having kids after marriage for few years?
Yes its a good idea in my opinion, but it depends on the couple really. Some desi girls can't wait to become mothers, somehow having childern quicly makes their marriage look like a success and works as an ultimate marriage contract.
But I don't understand why desi people really frown upon a 'one child policy', its very much a taboo, isn't it?
Re: Delaying having kids after marriage for few years?
Yes its a good idea in my opinion, but it depends on the couple really. Some desi girls can't wait to become mothers, somehow having childern quicly makes their marriage look like a success and works as an ultimate marriage contract.
But I don't understand why desi people really frown upon a 'one child policy', its very much a taboo, isn't it?
I think the couple should take some time out for themselves for atleast a year, make their lives adventerous, and have a blast!!!
Re: Delaying having kids after marriage for few years?
I don't think anyone's talking about abortion here (yes i said the A word). What they are saying is that, let's be proactive about not having a kid in the first place. Because let's face it, by the time people get married in our culture, they're so horny that they are bound to do something as soon as the molvi says "mubarak ho, now bring on my halwa". Now nothing wrong with consummating the marriage, I mean that's half of the story anyways. But...traditionally, no one knows their spouse before getting married. And because of that, there are so many things hidden, that can only come out after getting married. This included obnoxious habits like leaving the wet towel on the floor, to the in-laws being abusive or whatever. If you bring in the child into this situation, then you're messing with 3 or more lives. If things do come to a point where a divorce happens, the most affected IMO is the child, not the parents. Parents can deal but the children are most affected.
So, to prevent that kind of situation, nothing wrong with using contraceptives, whatever you choose.
I wasn't talking about abortion either. I was in fact talking about using contraceptives and family planning etc. Well since the OP asked whether you would want to delay kids - I simply gave my personal opinion on that. I hold this view based on religious beliefs. You can choose to disagree.
Re: Delaying having kids after marriage for few years?
Ha! Pakistan's destiny must be really fu**ed up, for so many kids to come here.
India and China have one of the largest populations presently- they are also the rising super-powers of today.
Re: Delaying having kids after marriage for few years?
and how long in your personal opinion??
Re: Delaying having kids after marriage for few years?
Whoa whoa whoa hold up. What religious beliefs are you talking about? If you are about to quote me the whole “bacha apni rizq lay kar khud ata hai duniya main”, then I’m sorry…no wait, I am not sorry to say, that you and anyone else that vehemently spews off this phrase like it’s a tasbeeh is absolutely delusioned. Yes…a child does come with its own fate…but that doesn’t mean that a person or a couple should do it like bunnies without thinking about if they are able to provide that soul with the basic necessities of life which that kid has a right to. Or do you expect him/her to find roti kapra for themselves from the moment they are born?
Also, if you’re saying things like contraceptives are haram, then let’s see…natural family planning and rhythm method are methods that are recommended by the Prophet himself. And numerous scholars, including all the imams of the Sunni and Shia faith agree that there is nothing wrong with using other forms of contraceptives (pills, vasectomy, IUD, patches etc etc etc) as it is not destroying a life. Semen and ovum are not life.
wut 
1-2 years
Re: Delaying having kids after marriage for few years?
Anything that desis find confusing or unable to comprehend is labelled as haram
Re: Delaying having kids after marriage for few years?
I am going to have at least 18 kids and yes I could afford it 
Re: Delaying having kids after marriage for few years?
Whoa whoa whoa hold up. What religious beliefs are you talking about? If you are about to quote me the whole "bacha apni rizq lay kar khud ata hai duniya main", then I'm sorry...no wait, I am not sorry to say, that you and anyone else that vehemently spews off this phrase like it's a tasbeeh is absolutely delusioned. Yes...a child does come with its own fate...but that doesn't mean that a person or a couple should do it like bunnies without thinking about if they are able to provide that soul with the basic necessities of life which that kid has a right to. Or do you expect him/her to find roti kapra for themselves from the moment they are born?
Also, if you're saying things like contraceptives are haram, then let's see...natural family planning and rhythm method are methods that are recommended by the Prophet himself. And numerous scholars, including all the imams of the Sunni and Shia faith agree that there is nothing wrong with using other forms of contraceptives (pills, vasectomy, IUD, patches etc etc etc) as it is not destroying a life. Semen and ovum are not life.
Please save the religion-bashing lecture. Well then I am sorry, I will have to spew that verse at you again. And it's not a tasbeeh... it's the word of Allah quite relevant in context to the topic being discussed. If Allah has ordained that a soul will not get his due rizq, then you can do all the planning you want and nothing will change that, vice versa.
**"And kill not your children for fear of poverty. We shall provide for them as well as for you. Surely, the killing of them is a great sin" **(al-Isra 31)
As far as the permanent methods are concerned, all scholars agree that those are haram... the physiology of the body should not be changed (except if it is a life-threatening situation for the mother).
And concerning temporary methods, there is a division since some Islamic scholars even consider most of these as haram since contraception methods like copper t are also a form of a very early abortion.
The one's who say it's allowed, also add that there should be a valid reason for opting for such methods.
So for me, delaying children to see if the marriage works out or not does not seem like a valid reason. What guarantee do I have that when I do have kids, the marriage wont break down after that...
Re: Delaying having kids after marriage for few years?
ok 
desian di aisi tesi karo har jagah 
koi moqa jaan nahi dena 
Re: Delaying having kids after marriage for few years?
Abortion is allowed in Islam uptill 30 days ^
Are you serious? According to this logic there will be no divorces then right? 
Consider:
a) Couple. Marry. Don’t have kids for a year. Spend that time adapting to each other, each others’ families, knowing each other, getting used to each other. Without kids or distractions. Easier.
b) Couples. Marry, have kids wihtin a year, then divorce. Not only they manage to ruin their life but also their children’s.
Waiting is common sense.
Children should come in the equation when:
a) couples are mentally ready to go towards that HUGE step of taking care of another living thing and;
b) when they are in a good financial state to provide their baby(ies) with the **best **life they can.
Straight forward really, but another concept desis have managed to corrupt and confuse.
Re: Delaying having kids after marriage for few years?
Please save the religion-bashing lecture. Well then I am sorry, I will have to spew that verse at you again. And it's not a tasbeeh... it's the word of Allah quite relevant in context to the topic being discussed. If Allah has ordained that a soul will not get his due rizq, then you can do all the planning you want and nothing will change that, vice versa.
**"And kill not your children for fear of poverty. We shall provide for them as well as for you. Surely, the killing of them is a great sin" **(al-Isra 31)
As far as the permanent methods are concerned, all scholars agree that those are haram... the physiology of the body should not be changed (except if it is a life-threatening situation for the mother). And concerning temporary methods, there is a division since some Islamic scholars even consider most of these as haram since contraception methods like copper t are also a form of a very early abortion. The one's who say it's allowed, also add that there should be a valid reason for opting for such methods.
So for me, delaying children to see if the marriage works out or not does not seem like a valid reason. What guarantee do I have that when I do have kids, the marriage wont break down after that...
Umm, you brought in religion. I didn't. Therefore I had to reply to you and bring in religion.
Now if you are going to quote me an ayah, please re-read what you said. It said...do not kill your CHILDREN. not SEMEN or OVUM. People did, and do commit murder because of poverty. Pakistan is full of such examples. Every day you hear of a father who because of lack of money resorted to killing his children and himself because he was unable to provide for them. Now, if that same person had decided to avoid a pregnancy, do you really think Allah would punish him the same way as taking a human life? I honestly think God is beyond such things. Common sense bhi koi cheez hoti hai, and reading deeper into something is IMO just asinine. Again, let me reiterate...semen + ovum ≠ embryo/fetus/baby/child/adult.
You didn't dispute the fact that even the Prophet himself supported natural and rhythm method. Are you saying that even that is forbidden? As for contraceptives believe me, it's accepted in our religion. It's completely asinine to say that it's forbidden. Regarding side effects of other methods, well, paracetamol/tylenol/aspirin gives you stomach ulcers, stop using them. Everything has side effects, and not everyone is using copper IUDs.
As for children equals a stronger marriage, there are just SO many examples, on GS, IRL, where children does not make a marraige stronger. If it is meant to be doomed, it will be doomed. Children only make things complicated, it will not make it stronger. So please, get over the delusion that it will makes things better.
What a woman goes through during pregnancy, if she is a normally mild and an easy going person, during pregnancy she might become irritable and annoying. And this is the impression that the husband and his family will live with for the rest of her life. How is that good then? Knowing that for the rest of her life, her husband thinks that she is nag because the first year of their married life that is who she was because of no fault of her own.
Re: Delaying having kids after marriage for few years?
[mod] Please review Life1 rules sticky thread. I see a lot of folks using "forbidden" words in this thread, so just because a few stars show up or you mix up letters doesn't mean you can get away. Last warning. Any more use of **** words and you're getting a warning. Thank you :) [/mod]
Re: Delaying having kids after marriage for few years?
Umm, you brought in religion. I didn't. Therefore I had to reply to you and bring in religion.
Now if you are going to quote me an ayah, please re-read what you said. It said...do not kill your CHILDREN. not SEMEN or OVUM. People did, and do commit murder because of poverty. Pakistan is full of such examples. Every day you hear of a father who because of lack of money resorted to killing his children and himself because he was unable to provide for them. Now, if that same person had decided to avoid a pregnancy, do you really think Allah would punish him the same way as taking a human life? I honestly think God is beyond such things. Common sense bhi koi cheez hoti hai, and reading deeper into something is IMO just asinine. Again, let me reiterate...semen + ovum ≠ embryo/fetus/baby/child/adult.
You didn't dispute the fact that even the Prophet himself supported natural and rhythm method. Are you saying that even that is forbidden? As for contraceptives believe me, it's accepted in our religion. It's completely asinine to say that it's forbidden. Regarding side effects of other methods, well, paracetamol/tylenol/aspirin gives you stomach ulcers, stop using them. Everything has side effects, and not everyone is using copper IUDs.
As for children equals a stronger marriage, there are just SO many examples, on GS, IRL, where children does not make a marraige stronger. If it is meant to be doomed, it will be doomed. Children only make things complicated, it will not make it stronger. So please, get over the delusion that it will makes things better.
What a woman goes through during pregnancy, if she is a normally mild and an easy going person, during pregnancy she might become irritable and annoying. And this is the impression that the husband and his family will live with for the rest of her life. How is that good then? Knowing that for the rest of her life, her husband thinks that she is nag because the first year of their married life that is who she was because of no fault of her own.
Yes i did bring in religion but not to use it to make fun of others, or to poke fun at molvis.
You are completely turning the point of argument here. I said I wouldn't choose to opt for such methods due to the religious belief - that such methods should be opted for only when you think you have a valid reason. And there is a huge difference between killing a child and delaying a child.
Yes such cases are there in Pakistan. Yet again, the belief still holds, that we die when Allah wants and how he wants us to after the pre-ordained rizq has been consumed. How those people will be dealt is b/w Allah and them.
So than does the verse contradict with real life today? Is that what you're saying? Than what does this verse mean applied today according to your deeper understanding?
I never said all contraceptive methods are haram... most are, which involve killing. I am not aware that natural family planning methods were recommended by the Prophet (pbuh). Please quote a source if this is true. However I am aware that Allah has made a natural way for spacing b/w children through lactation amenorrhea.
And there are so many examples around me where children did make a relationship stronger. So to generalize that it never happens and make that a hard and fast rule for everyone to follow would also be wrong.
Again you have based this on an assumption that if a woman immediately gets pregnant, her in-laws and husband would get irritated. I have seen cases around me where such women are given extra care and importance in such situations by their husbands and in-laws.
Re: Delaying having kids after marriage for few years?
@ niksik
Quand le chat n’est pas là, les souris dansent. (When the cat isn’t there, the mice dance) 
Re: Delaying having kids after marriage for few years?
:@: I'm here now.
Re: Delaying having kids after marriage for few years?
This again is different for different people and applicable according to the situation a couple is in. For me a lot of this needs to be taken care of before the marriage. Once you’ve decided to marry someone, than you have to give it your all to make it work IMO. Again you can choose to differ.
Re: Delaying having kids after marriage for few years?
Is it a good idea to delay having kids in marriage by few years..
it depends on may factors, but one important one is the age of the couple. If they are already in their late 20's or early 30's, they should not delay further.