So i was thinking…
Is it a good idea to delay having kids in marriage by few years…so that the couple can figure out whether they get along or not. Since having kids early would add to the complexities…
what is your take on this?
would you delay? and by how many years?
and why?
Re: Delaying having kids after marriage for few years?
My brother married a girl from Pakistan (only with the thought that girls from there are “shareef” and girls raised and born in America are not, I didnt like his mentality back then ) … Its been more than 4years since they have gotten married and they dont have kids which is a good thing… The girl couldn’t adapt to American system that u have to do your own work, clean, cook, and she never took care of my brother or made breakfast for him.. She never accepted her husband as “her husband” and was not responsible at all.. She would spend 4days with her parents house and rest with her husband’s house… She never accepted that she was married… She wanted my brother to pay her $4,000 as a pocket money every month… . Long story short, things didn’t work out between them and my brother treated her like a queen but she failed to accept responsibilites…
I think its a good idea to delay on kids if your struggling with the relationship… If things are going great then you should have kids…
Re: Delaying having kids after marriage for few years?
you said she is frm pakistan then how did she spend 4 days in her parents house?
Re: Delaying having kids after marriage for few years?
uhm uhmmm…topic please 
Re: Delaying having kids after marriage for few years?
My dad moved their entire family from Pak to USA.. She didnt wanted to leave her parents in Pakistan so they all came together… They live 5min away from our house…
Re: Delaying having kids after marriage for few years?
I think it is good to wait, but I don’t think it is wrong or bad to have kids sooner, if the couple feels ready.
Re: Delaying having kids after marriage for few years?
This should be figured out before marriage, not after lol..
Delaying having kids could be so they can enjoy their ‘alone’ time, getting to know each other more and basically just having fun, perhaps doing some of the things they might not be able to do so easily once they have children (when those kids are v.young at least), lots of travel, romantic breaks etc. as well as the more practical things such as whether they can manage financially, whether the wife is ready or able to give up work or study for a little while and so on..
Nothing wrong with delaying - within reason.. and the number of months or years will vary from couple to couple, everybody is in a different situation..
Re: Delaying having kids after marriage for few years?
Yes I would delay. By 4-5 years.
We’re already waiting a really long time to get married because of education so after we do get married I wanna enjoy having only him around and no kabab main haddi’s running around.
Re: Delaying having kids after marriage for few years?
Should the bit in blue not apply to him too?
Re: Delaying having kids after marriage for few years?
Why do people marry for only kids? I mean, don’t you guys want to spend any time with your partner? Or do you only want to marry to have kids? Have kids, raise them, get them out of the house, shout at each other, die. What kinda life is this??
Re: Delaying having kids after marriage for few years?
With your brother’s typical Desi, holier than thou mentality, he got what he damn well deserved. If it was an arranged family, her parents probably told her things like “Acha Rishta hai”, “Paisay walay log hain”, “America mein hain” and all that. So no wonder she didn’t feel any love towards your brother.
Re: Delaying having kids after marriage for few years?
Deeba: I was thinking the same thing.
Re: Delaying having kids after marriage for few years?
yep, he treated my sister-in-law like a queen which spoiled her…
Re: Delaying having kids after marriage for few years?
Thumbs up
Re: Delaying having kids after marriage for few years?
I understand that kids need parents who have a healthy marriage. BUT…the idea of trying to figure out if you’re compatible with one another only/strictly after marriage doesn’t sit well with me either. Even though the couple does not have kids…a divorce is still a social stigma for women in our culture. I agree that a couple should try to sort their issues out before having a kid (though that’s not always possible).
Re: Delaying having kids after marriage for few years?
Showing off my a$$…lol…
My dad is an expert, I can’t really answer you about the process but the families were well established in Pakistan and visited U.S many times on a visitor visa.
lol… My daddy is the man!!! 
I think compatibility needs to be checked before shadi because it is necessary for bonding into a new relationship.. My brother’s marriage was 100% arranged and he never had a chance to speak to her before shadi. I agree with you redvelvet completely!!!
Re: Delaying having kids after marriage for few years?
[mod]The OP asked a legitimate question. If you have nothing relevant to add, please leave. Flood elsewhere.[/mod]
Re: Delaying having kids after marriage for few years?
it really depends on if you LOVE kids thus want to start family asap or you want to enjoy life first without any kids.
a delay is no harm but the couple should consult the doctor since deliveries at an old age can cause problems etc.
i myself havenot thought about when to start a family or whether there should be any delay. but i am thinking about adopting a kid.
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First…not everyone has the ‘luxury’ of finding compatibility to the full before marriage…and secondly… i have seen a lot of people who ‘thought/believed’ the were perfect for each other…but after marriage and having to live together they found out the ‘nuisances’ about each other and moved apart…(also i think its IMPOSSIBLE to assess compatibility without LIVING with the person)…
Re: Delaying having kids after marriage for few years?
^ marriage isn’t a joke. And let’s not forget divorce should be the last possible solution. Two people need to work on their marriage, cuz the spark is going to fade away anyway sometime along the way.
About the kids thing, I strongly believe we shouldn’t try to control that… the child will come into the world whenever it’s destined to be born.