I was at a get together at my friend’s house last night. A high school friend of ours was also there. She is very religious: hijabi, niqabi, husband is in Tablighi Jamaat, etc.
We were discussing children and education I believe when she spoke up about the way she raises her kids ( I guess she gets attacked a lot for it and felt like she had to defend herself).
Her children are not in school, she has 2 girls. I believe one is 5 and the other 3. She says she will not send them to school because she is scared of our Western culture. She will do whatever she can to protect her children and according to her school is a breeding ground for disasters. She is home schooling but does not really follow the program given. Her girls dont know or keep up with the schooling for their age. According to her, the first 7 years of a child’s life are for play, the next 7 are for education and I cant remember what the last 7 are good for. She plans on marrying her girls off at 14 and doesnt care if they starve as long as they have Deeni Talim.
Well she is the mother so its her decision but she better pray her kids share her views when they're all grown up (25+). Otherwise any future family reunions are gonna be pretty interesting to say the least.
Btw, I think the "last" 7 years were probably for procreation. :)
I'll be honest, I think this is Horrible. First, if you absolutely hate western culture, why are you here???? Let me guess, her husband got a good job? So yes to money, but no to everything else? Im just assuming, I might be wrong.
Second, education in Islam is a must for both men and women. To shield you daughers from quality education is just wrong, especially when the education is available!!!
And to marry them at 14? WRONG. she doesn't care if they starve? WRONG. Sorry, just my opinion.
Reha, I met someone very much like that as well. She herself got married at 16 and plans to do the same to her 2 daughters.
She is very confident and happy with her decision. She loves her husband and totally serves him without hesitation or any regrets. She is a simple and happy young lady. In turn, her husband treats her with respect and gives her all her rights Islamically and they make an awesome couple.
I was a bit worried listening to her plans but you know what, if she's happy, who am I?
Now why they are in USA and not in an Islamic country...well to that she said that they need to spread the message of Islam. They are both active in the community and the masjid, and her husband is in tabligh, they invite scholars from around the country and host them...etc etc...
I'll be honest too . I have a daughter too and I will only marry my daughter at the age of 14 only & only if i came to know that I am going to die soon . Keep our feelings aside , it's not even medically right for the girls. A girl can face much high risk if she gets pregnant at such a young age.
In my view , the mother is being very selfish over here. She is just satisfying her believes and not thinking about the future of her girls. But we can find many many such families doing the same treatment with girls in cities like karach , lahore and it's also very common in villages of Pakistan. But I believe when one has resources to educate kids and to give them a decent life one should do so after all Islam has equally emphasised on educating both male & female.
I think Islam has emphasized on duniya too. Religion is very important but to survive in today's world, good education and a well paying job is also very important. I don't understand why we can't have both. If that lady knows religion, Islam gives importance to duniyavi taleem as well as religious education. I am sure she knows religion better than me but to say that our child will lack in one thing if the other is taught.... I really don't get that.
ps. its their kids, let em ruin-experiment with their kids life in what ever way they want it to.
ps2. these days guys dont want 14 yr kid as their life partner. so discuss her the same matter when her daughter will be 24.
then why stay in USA if you women are so scared of this "Western culture". Surely your daughters will grow up just fine in Saudia Arabia all covered up?
It’s never good to be too extreme… and this seems extreme to me.
The chance of a 14 yr old girl marrying a 14, 15, or even 16 year old guy is pretty slim too… especially in the US. I doubt anyone is willing to get their son married off while he is still a kid himself and chilling in high school (or even junior high). So that means she will be marrying a guy who is quite a bit older than her…
And I guess just growing up in America that disturbs me. This mom seems like the type that will not care how old the guy is since her main concern is to get her daughter married off at 14. And in my opinion, any guy who is willing to marry a 14 year old even tho he is in his 20s or even 30’s ..raises pedophile concerns with me. A 14 yr old is still a CHILD… for a guy to be ok to “treat” her as a wife… ugh… very disturbing for me personally.
14 yr old = 8th grader. Thats so young Think about what you were doing when you were in 8th grade. :hinna: I personally was still enjoying my “childhood”.
I know a girl that got married at 14 and it did not end well at all. The marriage was not a happy one and ended almost 9 yrs later… when she was 23 yrs and she herself took a strong stand and stood up for herself and what she wanted. At 14 you go along with whatever your parents want for you… one can’t even fully comprehend whats going on and going against it (because you are a kid). But the older you get and live in the “duniya” … the comprehension sets in… as it did with this girl I know.
I was at a get together at my friend's house last night. A high school friend of ours was also there. She is very religious: hijabi, niqabi, husband is in Tablighi Jamaat, etc.
she went to high school but is not letting her daughters to study...thats so mean....ask her what if she have a son in future, will she not send him to school also? i am sure the answer will be boys need to go to school because they need to earn the bread and butter ...
one of my friend was telling me her cousin story....she didnt went to school because of same reason...parents thought sending a girl to school is waste of money plus the girl may get spoiled and will not follow islam...she wasnt allowed to go out alone...guess what happened...she ran away with a tailor and had nikah...the connection start with phone...and then he ask her to run away from home and marry him....he was 15-16 years elder then him....
another girl i know (the only child of her parents), she is 15 years old..just studied up to grade 2 because father didnt allow her to study further..same reason...saw her few days back...wearing a burqa with naqab...she is a very nice girl but i find it very unfair to her ...
i find it very unfair for her daughters...why is she living in western country if she dont want her kids to learn western culture....
sending kids not to school doesnt mean they will learn islam and will follow it ...i have some cousins (girils) who had done their masters in US are very religious , hijabi etc...
I think its because of the mentality that if we do our namaz, roza, zakat, hajj 'properly', we are good Muslims. Islam gives equal (for me much more) importance to being a good all-round person than just a namazi perhaizi. For many of us, Islam starts and end with how we dress and minimum possible contact with the 'other' gender.
Its ironic and hypocritical that many believe it is okay to even live illegally in a western country but not adopt at least some positive aspects of host society. Reminds me of a guy with beer in one hand, arms around 'girlfriend' and looking for halal food.
I know that many people say that TJ's have their good points, however, this sounds like TJ brainwashing to me.
I don't buy this whole "we are in a kuffaar country to spread the word of Islam" standpoint by such people BECAUSE they are NOT spreading Islam to non-Muslims, they are focussing on badly educating existing Muslims instead. What's the point? They can do the same in a Muslim country.
Yes, there are frightening things out there in Western countries for Muslims, but how can you expect to educate your neighbours if you do not make any effort to integrate?
Besides, wouldn't it be illegal in the US for a child to marry at age 14?
^ all state laws vary (all of them are 18+ for one to get married). BUT - in most states, its alright for a child to marry at a younger age if there is parental consent. Sometimes in some states, both sets of parents are required to consent, sometimes only the underage minor's parents. Sometimes parents have to appear in court. Other times it has to be a written consent. It varies.
But even then - there is an age limit (most commonly 16 & 17 yr olds) are allowed to marry with the parental consent.
I think New Hampshire is the only weirdo state that has the age start at 13 for marriage allowed with parental consent.
I think she's taking things to an extreme here. She will find herself running into troubles with the school district when her daughters are found to be lacking in education. Children here are required to attend school until age 15 when they can drop out with parental consent. Homeschooled children are expected to meet certain requirements for which they are tested. If homeschooled children dont meet the minimum requirements of knowledge then the parents could be denied the privelege of homeschooling and told to send their children to school.
Marriage at age 14 is illegal in most states even with parental consent. And sexual relations with a 14 year old is statutory rape for which her husband would be prosecuted, likely jailed and then lead a lifetime with the public label of child molester. He will be prohibited from going within 200 yards of schoolgrounds or any place where children gather, will have to report in to the local police station every time he changes his address and then have his name, address and photo placed in the sexual predator databases.
If she wants her daughters to lead such an extremely sheltered life, I dont think its going to work out very well for her in this country.
If you can maintain a balance, then deen and dunya both
As for your friend, she is doing what she thinks is best. It is highly unlikely she will let her children starve regardless of whether she wants them to be married or not. It is just a priority for her. As her children grow up, she might find it harder to part from them.
Maybe she is saying these things for the shock element/attention?
Think about what you were doing when you were in 8th grade. :hinna: I personally was still enjoying my “childhood”.