Debt and Marriage

Lifestyle Relationships
1

Would you go into marriage knowing your partner is in debt, or wait and put marriage off until he/she pays it off? Is this is something you would want to know about the other person before deciding to marry them or is it one of those territories you do not go to before deciding about marriage with someone?

2

Re: Debt and Marriage

i don't think men care about this sorta stuff. But most women won't go for it.

3

Re: Debt and Marriage

I did ! and at the time of engagement / baat puki he was not under debt but just 4-5 months before shaadi he took heavy loans and I knew about it but that did not really affected me as it was something temporary could be handled ...basically it was not a deal breaker for me. But what really happened was those loans were taken keeping in mind that I will pay them off so that directly and indirectly really really damaged the relationship .

4

Re: Debt and Marriage

i dont think it matters if you can both cope with the repayments... hopefully tho the guy isnt stupid with money and constantly looking to take out loans

5

Re: Debt and Marriage

Really? I would think the other way around, that women wont care, keeping in mind the guy is the breadwinner, his loans, he’s earning, he’s paying them off… but a guy would care (if he is the sole breadwinner) since he would now have to take over paying off her loans?

He took loans so YOU could pay them off? :eek: How did that work out? Im assuming you were not happy with that since you did mention it was really damaging to the relationship? Now that would be a deal breaker for me! I mean I can understand having loans from before knowing each other. But..really?..taking loans with the intention of the other person paying them off is a little damaging and not to mention stressful for the relationship.

6

Re: Debt and Marriage

I know someone who ended the rishta just before the engagement because the girl was under loan he basically did not have a problem with her working after marriage but had a problem if she would work to pay off those loans basically he wanted the money to flow in his house instead of being paid off as debt payment for as asset which belonged to someone else. Anyway I believe that it happened for good both of them as both of them had completely different way of looking and dealing with life it was best that the relationship ended .

7

Re: Debt and Marriage

Before getting married why dont you guys make a marriagecontract? I dont know with its called in english but its goes like this whatever you or he/she brings in the marriage is theirs the other person dont have any responsibility for it or any claim on it. So when/if u get divorce the debts u had before u got marriage and anything u inherit before and after the marriage from yours parents you will keep and the spouse will have no claim on it. And everything you saved under the marriage you will split in half. I am getting married next year and I am gettting it drawn just in case you never know what will happend in the future even if you think you will never get divorced.

8

Re: Debt and Marriage

I would definitely want to know. Depends on the reason for debt. Education loans but a responsible individual? No problem. Education loans but a lazy bum? Big problem.

9

Re: Debt and Marriage

If I like the guy and decide to marry him, then no his debts cannot change my decision.

But I do expect from him that he will tell me about them before marriage. If i come to know after i have married him, it may cause some probs.

10

Re: Debt and Marriage

That's one thing I ponder at times too. Why? Because I believe in being debt free. I don't have any lingering student or house loans or anything but I went through the extra effort of being able to make sure I never accumulated debt and at the same time achieve everything. I guess in an arranged scenario, the man has every right to bring this up to the woman's parents, for he's going to be the one taking care of the loan repayments and all. And furthermore, if the woman's family can ask about his salary, bank balance, green card and what not, it's only fair.

11

Re: Debt and Marriage

Before marriage I believe both partners have a responsibility to reveal all their debts.

As for whether or not it would effect my decision depends on WHY he has the debt.

If the man has a debt b/c he was irresponsible with money (spent $ recklessly and maxed out his credit cards on stupid stuff), then I would not marry him. On the other hand, certain debts are acceptable. My SO has a HUGE debt as a result of medical school and I'm ok with that.

Money is one of the main reasons couples fight and divorce. A person'a debts and HOW they ended up with that debt gives a major insight into their spending habits. It would be stupid of me to ignore that before marriage.

12

Re: Debt and Marriage

my parents will decide it.

13

Re: Debt and Marriage

i guess in your culture. In my case, if i ever get married, i don't want her sitting at home all day.

14

Re: Debt and Marriage

Debt can destroy your life, let alone relationship. It's very important to know about your spouse limitations & obligations. In desi community they care less about such things and it's non-existent in back home.

Must do before you are getting tied up:

1) background check
2) credit report
3) education / job .. well technically it's part of background check.

15

Re: Debt and Marriage

we were both up to our eyeballs in student loans....but knew what we owed and had pans in place to pay them off after graduating (which we did)

I do think thats its one of those things that people should discuss before getting married

16

Re: Debt and Marriage

Yep, only guys with fat balance sheets should get married.

17

Re: Debt and Marriage

No way.. and besides the debts often get much worse after marriage with all the extra costs and everything piling up.. I wouldn't marry if I was in debt either..

18

Re: Debt and Marriage

Like as been said, it is different if it is student debt, as that is generally the norm here for university graduates. If it was debt from maxed out credit cards etc then that would suggest some responsibility issues.

19

Re: Debt and Marriage

I'd marry her coz shadi k baad bhi tu debt hee charhta hai

PS: on serious note, it should not be a problem is debt has a valid reason behind it (such as student loan etc). Sometimes even good financial managers ended up under debt. So if potential spouse is otherwise a responsible person (financially), there should not be a problem. Personally, we started our life debt free from both sides.

20

Re: Debt and Marriage

Big L sums up women and money pretty good

Let me get to the point real quick
When your pockets are thick – mad chicks be on a brotha's ,,,
When you sportin' jewels and drivin in a groovy car
All the **** gonna **** you like a movie star
To get in your pockets that's what them girls wanna do
But if you not rich then them chicks gonna front on you
No matter how strong your rap
You only knock boots when you got loot and you're on the mack
Cause if your broke you'll get a whack s***
If you got doe you get a *** wit a fat butt
With fresh skin long hair and a cute face
And if you live alone she's gonna pack her suitcase

-and move in
Then you start losin

All your bucks
Soon you broke asa joke and outta luck
Then she takes off and brakes off

Your hoes gone so long dear
I'm outta here
That good relationship's been torn
Cause when you're on top everythings o.k.
But when you broke you gets no play

Chorus:
*If you don't got endz you won't be getting no skinz
And if you don't got money, you won't scoop a honey *

If you don't got cash you won't be getting no ***
And if your not clockin loot you won't be knockin no boots

Girls in the ninetieys ain't nothing but crooks
Its all about what's in your pockets – not how you look
That's why you can't talk to just any *****
Leave a brothers for the next man cause he got a penny more
They want a drug dealer not a scholar

Some girls barely speak but always askin for a dolla
And if your pushin a fresh benz they'll be your best friends YEEEAH
As long as you collect endz
You think she's all yours but as soon as your dough go the *** go now you solo
But when you was makin paper sellin (jo polls?) you bought dumb clothes for allathem bum ****
And you was takin-em to the movies every weekend
Now that you dead broke them girls stop speakin
Cause nowadays them girls want you to trip
The only thing they can get from Big L is a big _______.
Cause when your on top everythings o.k.
But when you broke you gets no play.

CHORUS x2

I tell it like it is cause I'm a bold figa
And I hate a money-hungry girl a.k.a. gold-digger
It ain't even funny
Some girls don't even know me askin me can they get some money
I'm looking nothing like your poppa
I wouldn't give a chick 10 cent to put cheese on a whoppa
They want to know why – I'm so fly
*A girl asked me for a ring and I put one-around her whole eye *
Chicks yousto diss but now they wanna kiss
Yo showbiz imma break it down like this

CHORUS x2

Its like that yall

And that's a fact yall
I hit **** from the back

And don't give a jack yall
Its Big L yall
I'm livin swell yall
I do my fame – that's why my name ring bells yall

(Backup) If you don't got endz

Girls be frontin
(Backup) If you don't got endz
They ain't givin up nothing
(Backup) If you don't got endz

All the girls ig-nore you
(Backup) If you don't got endz
They act like they neva saw you