of the fighter in me. I feel it, I am losing my will to stand up for what I believe in. I am so on the verge of giving up. Giving up and accepting my secondary status in the society which comes with being born as a female. Maybe I am expecting too much when I want to be treated as any male my age. I am asking too much when I want everything to be fair and equal on every term.
People still have the nerve to say, you aren’t allowed to do so because you aren’t a guy, you have to sacrifice, you have to care and think of others, your wishes and opinions are secondary, because you are a female. The words aren’t so direct, but ofcourse they imply worse than this. They all want me to tame down, stop back answering, arguing and most of all stop dreaming.
I am sorry I failed to get through to you. When I said being treated like a guy, I meant to atleast have the freedom of making my own decisions about my career and my life as a whole.
It's weird how parents just suddenly come around. My parents were stricter than strict, I mean like not letting me go to white friend's houses but all of a sudden, in just a few months, I was living alone and they were still financing my education and living and I had all the freedom I needed, without even needing to convince them.
I don't know what it is that your parents aren't letting you do but like maybe you shoudln't ask for that thing and just try to show that you are mature and able to handle new responsibilities? What are your parents' reasons for not letting you do whatever it is you want to do? It can't be as superficial as you being a girl, there must be something more.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Chandbeti: *
of the fighter in me. I feel it, I am losing my will to stand up for what I believe in. I am so on the verge of giving up. Giving up and accepting my secondary status in the society which comes with being born as a female. Maybe I am expecting too much when I want to be treated as any male my age. I am asking too much when I want everything to be fair and equal on every term.
People still have the nerve to say, you aren't allowed to do so because you aren't a guy, you have to sacrifice, you have to care and think of others, your wishes and opinions are secondary, because you are a female. The words aren't so direct, but ofcourse they imply worse than this. They all want me to tame down, stop back answering, arguing and most of all stop dreaming.
Death of my dreams is the death of me.
[/QUOTE]
i can so totally relate to wot ur saying...but chick, im afraid thats life
By the way, nobody wants you to stop dreaming. If dreaming involves living alone in a totally new place, your parents will naturally be concerned. There are so many risks and yeah girls are more protected than guys and parents are more hesitant to let them go. It's the guy who traditionally is the breadwinner and goes out and does stuff, it's not just his gender dictating his freedom but the way society thinks of it so I doubt the sole reason people give to you is that you're a girl. Probably what they mean is that you are defying society's expectations of your gender. But what is it that you want?
Fk them, poeple are a load o *******s who cant tolerate annothers sucess or porential sucess either becasue they are alien to it, they are close minded or becasue they are jealous of what u could achieve.
Why the fk let their screwyness afftect what u know u can do.
sarah, It isn't just once. I couldn't attend a school in NY coz apparently it is too dangerous for a lone girl and am stuck with this mediocre school because it is at a driving distance from home. And it's just repeating all over again. Ofcourse it's what the society expects of my gender. In no way am I allowed to break the mould. Shouldn't such decisions be solely mine. But it all comes down to me not having enough testosterone.
What saddens me most is, I was always made to believe I would never be discriminated against based on my gender, but it has been happening over and over again, they use every pretext to keep me from soaring.. and worst of all, they still maintain I have all the freedom I want.
My parents were careful not to bring the girlhood thing in, cuz they knew i'd go off on 'em. They just said - "honey, that school is too expensive, and in the end, we are memons"
Don't ever lose your control over your own life. Certain things - like where you go for school - are not totally in your control, because someone else has hold of purse strings. In anything you know you can override anyone - just go with what you want. Don't let them take that away from you.
And mediocre school whatever - you can still get into a good grad program or good job placement based on your own skills - so take advantage of your school. Sometiems, its better to be a big fish in a small pond. You get to places where pple in even IV leagues have to compete.
Anything else - dont even bother going to that person who is trying to block you - just do what you want. If you need financial support - get a job to fund yourself. I tutor and use that money for things my parents might get on my case about.
shrugs there's always a way around pple trying to bring you down.
CB hugs I know exactly how you feel. And when it comes to marriage it gets worse. I guess you just have to be strong and try to make the most out of what you have, that's what i'm trying to get myelf to believe.
PCG, I am trying to be strong, have been fighting this battle since high school years. Have been in a constant conflict about career choices, schools, programs etc. Sometimes I feel it does nothing more than just make me angrier and bitter. Feel weak( emotionally) at times and feel like giving up.
With the present dilemma, I would either have to forget about career altogether or just move out for good and break all ties.
How could they put me in such a predicament over silly insecurities.
Belle: I am so scared of taking the compromising route, once I give in..I am scared I will keep doing that, and I don't want to. I don't want to end up a 35 year old with 3 kids, no job and a salan stained dress, whose idea of free time well spent is a round of gossip with similar neighboring aunties and whose whole life revolves around making the floors shine.
aww CB
Dont let anythin u love die. Try working around it to get to it. Try talkin to your parents and how important it is. Like Sarah said, show them ur mature enuf to make ur decesions. parents r over proctective of girls becuase they “think” girls r physically and emotionally fragile compared to boys, and easily taken advantage of, therefore they need to live in some form of a padded bubble. U really need to let them know that u have to do what u wanna do for ur happinness, and if they want u to be happy they r gonan have to learn to let u make ur own decisions whethere they r mistakes or not.
Cb -- People are silly and are uncomfortable dealing with change. Live your life as you wish it, while accepting and respecting others. You'll influence people by setting an example. "Hey, a woman can be independent, intelligent, and caring! Cb did it! So can I!"
yeh whats so good about being a guy? lol except the fact that maybe they have a bigger chance of getting accepted into a medschool NOW vs like five, ten years ago. Why cant u do what ur parents want and minor in whatever u want? or maybe do a double major..it might take a yr longer but that way everyone's happy.
But i dunno, my parents let me move outta state to a school i really wanted to go to..haha i told them there were too many desis at the other school and that i couldn't get my studying done, plus i needed a break, so they were like alright but if u dont average at least a 3.8 u gotta come home.
i guess i couldn't really relate because my parents, especially my dad never treats or will treat his daughters secondary. He's glad he doesn't have a son cause he thinks they're duffers. But trust me, u dont want all this freedom u think u want. He gave my sister who was only 17 alot of freedom..he regrets it everyday
Well your parents are right, NY is a dangerous place but I really doubt their sole reason for not letting you go is that you're a girl and just cuz you had the misfortune to be born a girl, then you must let your dreams die. No parent can be that cruel or backward. Do they trust you? Are they afraid you'll forget your values if you leave them, forget who you are, where you come from, religion etc? Do they think you're mature enough to be safe and manage everything yourself? etc etc etc, sit down with them and discuss everything and the real reason, it can't be as simple as "you're a girl so you can't go, case closed".
Parents are more protective about girls, not cuz they think they're weaker and stupid or secondary to guys but parents care more for girls, the whole stuff about izzat and responsibility to them. With my parents when I made noises about leaving and talked to them about it, their reasons were not as simple as you're a girl (even though like you that's what i thought). But they were afraid I would forget my religion and fall prey to bad things.
Do you have family in NY? Is it close to where you live right now so your parents can come to meet you and check up on you or whatever? Is the school you want to go to in a safe place? Are the friends you have now ones that your parents approve of?
I don't know, it sounds like you're using the girl thing as a crutch and a way to blame your parents. Just talk it out with them, they have concerns so appeal to them. I'm sure inshallah it will work out and they will realize what you want out of life. Don't give up on your dreams, you can always find a way to work them out.
sarah, I don't know. I am just too upset to even think straight. But whatever reason they give, it all boils down to me being the fairer sex. Why burden me with the izzat factor, I am sure they would have no problem sending my bro off. Thanks though.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Chandbeti: *
of the fighter in me. I feel it, I am losing my will to stand up for what I believe in. I am so on the verge of giving up. Giving up and accepting my secondary status in the society which comes with being born as a female. Maybe I am expecting too much when I want to be treated as any male my age. I am asking too much when I want everything to be fair and equal on every term.
People still have the nerve to say, you aren't allowed to do so because you aren't a guy, you have to sacrifice, you have to care and think of others, your wishes and opinions are secondary, because you are a female. The words aren't so direct, but ofcourse they imply worse than this. They all want me to tame down, stop back answering, arguing and most of all stop dreaming.
Death of my dreams is the death of me.
[/QUOTE]
First, stop being so melodramatic. :-P
Second, life never plays with a straight bat (thats a metaphor). You have to make your path through many such problems. Some of these will be fate, some of them your own faults and some thrown at you by your loved ones and foes. You deal with them, think intelligently to find a way out and and still move forward.
Consider this a temporary road-block. Figure out a way to achieve your aims in another way. There is never just one solution to a problem. If you treat every problem as a male-female issue and get mad, you will never succeed in life and will always be offering excuses for your failures. You are who you are, and you can't change that. Focus on things you can change. And never give up.
