Such a depressing first thread but had to do it..I am kind of lost. Fell in love with someone, married and things didn’t work out and we are considering separating, haven’t told family yet, friends don’t think I should do it, that its too early to consider that but I dont know. If the other person isn’t even willing to commit then whats the point? I have a feeling I will be alone in the decision. I don’t think anyone will support me. Once or if I do get divorced I have a feeling I will be pressured into marrying again. I feel kind of ashamed too for putting my and his family through this (even though the divorce is not my fault but i think letting him into my life was). And I think even if i do remarry I will have this burden or emotinal baggage.
How did you deal with yours? Who was involved in the decision? Were you afraid of the future?
Are there any online Pakistani divorce support groups?
u know its totally upto u if u want to be with sum1 or not ur family and other ppl cant decide that
so if u think that u have had enough so yeah u better let it go and move on
and remmember to be strong
u know sumtime in life when u actually need ur loved ones to be around and support u they leave u by urself
so yeah its sad but u have to get over it
may be they dont see wat ur going through now but once ur done they will be ok
so u will have to do it on ur own now but i believe u can do it any1 can it seems hard when ur going through it but afterwards may be u will be able to laugh bout this experience too
so nuthing is impossible time can heals all wounds
being afraid of wats ahead is natural but theres nuthing u cant deal with
so be strong sis and learn to make ur own decisions
I gues it is a very hard decision for both the people involved.
One thing I would like to ask you is have you in your heart of hearts tried everything humanly possible to save this marriage with the tools that you possess?
Have you turned every rock to try to find a wa resolve it.
If walking out that door donot affect you with a feeling that takes over you too strongly then I would think that you are ready…if not then there may be some work that may need to be done on your part.
I hope what happens , happens for the best.
Ok here is my two cents worth going thru a similar thing. I got nikahed to a guy in Paki i live abroad I knew from the start that it was not right i was kind of pushed into it and then so overwhelmed by everything so due to family etc could not say anything. I came abroad and then started to talk to him found out that i had been duped as he was not what i had expected and that now I was basically married even though by Rukhsati has not been done. I was degraded by his family and i was told by my family that he was not like that and that once he came here and adjusted to life abroad he was a good guy. I admit that everyone has flaws but basically they lied to us about so many things and when i would confront my hubby/Fiance about it he would just break down and eiher cry or suffer from depression. I then also became depressed but went along with things. Then he got his visa and then we set a date for the wedding. My extended family maintain he is still a good guy and thats all i should be concerned about. after his visa came thru he disclosed some personal stuff about him and his relatives which kind of meant that there was no way in hell i was going through with this. My mom supports me in my decision but at the moment i'm on the world wide gossip list as larki ka nekhra hi burah hai. I feel bad for him but i guess reading other people posts i feel lucky that even if it is the wrong decision i am making it now rather than later when my rukhsati is done and have kids invovled. All i can do is pray hard for happiness on my own and thank god i found out stuff about him before it was too late.
All i can say is its difficult to stand up to everyone espacially when they all think they know better. But at the end of the day its your decision.
So sorry to hear that Serafina If you have tried everything possible to make this relationship work but to no avail, then go through with the divorce and stick to your decision. Dont budge in front of the tears and emotional blackmail of others. This life is yours to live and you control your own happiness. All the best
Sorry but i couldn’t understand one thing. You loved some one and than you got married. Now you wana leave your husband but for what ?? … Is your ex still in the picture or is he married ?? Can you go back to him ?
Means whatever step you should take must make your situation better. Isn’t it. I don’t see any point in getting out of one hell and entering in to another one.
Or second option would be to stay single. Do you have any plan for that ? Means lets suppose you finally get over with you ex love, than what you gona do? … or even after that you will prefer to stay single.
So my only advice will be to look into all the options and plan a bit. If your current husband loves you and may be after 1-2 years you will be able to get over with your old love, than its worth a try. If not, than plan a little bit in advance. You won’t like to go back to where you started.
Like many have mentioned above, I would say that you figure out what exactly is causing you to make that decision. If it is something either one of you can change then do it. Sometimes it is just the willingness that is missing...I hope things work out for you. Make dua. And if you've tried everything, and you are sure you tried everything, then I guess it will be hard but time will help you overcome it. Wish you all the best.
divorce is not the best solution..its a hard decision..u might regret it afterwards...
u also mentioned tht its a luv marriage..so how can leave ur hubby thn? there r thngs u dnt like abt ur partner....but it dosnt mean u jst simply gt divorce...
nt sure abt any paki divorce support groups...but i knw abt a few gora groups who support women etc etc
Sorry but i couldn't understand one thing. You loved some one and than you got married. Now you wana leave your husband but for what ?? ... Is your ex still in the picture or is he married ?? Can you go back to him ?
Means whatever step you should take must make your situation better. Isn't it. I don't see any point in getting out of one hell and entering in to another one.
Or second option would be to stay single. Do you have any plan for that ? Means lets suppose you finally get over with you ex love, than what you gona do? ... or even after that you will prefer to stay single.
So my only advice will be to look into all the options and plan a bit. If your current husband loves you and may be after 1-2 years you will be able to get over with your old love, than its worth a try. If not, than plan a little bit in advance. You won't like to go back to where you started.
Namaan,
I don't think she's referring to an ex -- I think she's saying she fell in love with him and then married him, etc.
Serafine,
This is such a tough decision to make. Can you see this person as a partner for the rest of your life? Do you think compromise would make you two happy together? I wish you blessings and guidance as you go through this.
hi all i want to say if there are children involved then please try to work your marraige out as it will defnetley affect them a lot, im sure you will make this decision not only thinking about yourself and if there no children involved then this is a right time to leave him before you decide to have children with him good luck.
seriously firgure out, as long as there is no physical abuse, why the spouse is emotionally and psychologicaly making you feel unhappy.
there is a point in time, when a victim must dare devil the opression.
and one way of doing is to go right to the source of the proble3m and fix it.
leaving a marriage on hyped and baggaged emotioanl tension or verbal riffs, is not wise.
this advice, based on what you wrote.
If you feel comfortable discussing this further, what exactly about him is causing such a serious decision such as divorce? After all, you did fall in love with him at some point correct? There must have been something in him you saw that made you want to marry him. How could you leave him now?
Remember noone is perfect and you will never find the perfect package in any guy ever. My 2 cents to you would be to make things work as much as possible. Divorce is tough and very emotionally draining from what I hear and see. Think twice before making this drastic decision.
Sarafina, Divorce should be the last resort. As mentioned by many others, do try to reconcile your difference till the last breath. If by all means it's not possible then not to worry about divorce. It's certainly hard as hell and the worst experience anybody can have yet it's done by many in every second. Be logical, look at all the angles, measure all your options and then make up your mind.
This GS support group has some real human beings and will certainly support your all along.
My best wishes for your happiness!
I feel so weak right now, I dont think i can live another day and the guilt of putting my family through this is even killing me more. They are planning a rukhsati and to tell them its not gonna happen i dont know. Maybe i should tell them and they will stop talking about him and making me feel even worse. I just dont know how. I havent been able to say it to myself let alone tell them. I dont know how to tell them. What to tell them.
what? That is a new development about rukhsati isn’t done yet. Well be brave in that case and tell your parents clearly what you want. We were are worried about how to save your marriage and someone was even concerned if you had kids. It seems like you are not even properly married yet, just nikah is done. This is a much easier case I think…
Good luck 
what? That is a new development about rukhsati isn’t done yet. Well be brave in that case and tell your parents clearly what you want. We were are worried about how to save your marriage and someone was even concerned if you had kids. It seems like you are not even properly married yet, just nikah is done. This is a much easier case I think…