My older daughter is being bullied by a class mate. It was not a big issue in the beginning but now since their seating changed, this bully kid is sitting next to her now. This girls constantly tries to get in her face as to speak. I have tried telling my daughter to walk away(now she cant as she is sitting next to her) to just laugh it off instead of getting angry. I dont want to bail her out of the situation by talking to her teacher and changing seats etc. I dont want my daughter to think that there is an “easy button” for her to press and things will be taken care of.I have seen that she doesnt stand up for herself..and that is the thing I want her to do instead of being shoved pushed etc by whoever has more power.
Today she didnt want to go to school, the affect is apparent as she is having bouts of anger at home that is usually directed at her younger sibling.
Any tips or experiences? I dont know what else to do except for maybe put her in self defence classes.
Re: --Dealing With BULLIES?
I think your daughter should tell the teacher, why not? The bully child should be reprimanded and her parents made aware of the bully behavior. That is not healthy at all. Do you know the exact content of the bullying, what is said? Tell your daughter to bravely respond back to bully
Re: --Dealing With BULLIES?
I think your daughter should tell the teacher, why not? The bully child should be reprimanded and her parents made aware of the bully behavior. That is not healthy at all. Do you know the exact content of the bullying, what is said? Tell your daughter to bravely respond back to bully
I dont want to bring in the teacher at this point eventhough I have told my daughter to talk to her when her things r taken from her by this bully kid.
Context wise its not physical but usually this bully lies to other kids that my daughter said so and so (all negative stuff..more like gossip etc). Basically overshadowing her in front of others and making fun of her
Re: --Dealing With BULLIES?
Bullying is a huge issue in schools in the west now. The best thing you can do is tell your daughter's teacher. Teachers are trained to deal with the issue - at first, just to keep an eye on the situation to see whats going on. Then to teach both the bully and the victim how to deal with whatever situation is causing the troubles. You really should involve the teacher at least so that the teacher can be on the lookout. Otherwise your daughter will keep suffering and eventually lose all interest in school. Social skills are a big part of educating children and your child is not getting the education she is entitled to because of the bully's lack of social skills. The school needs to deal with that. Why let some bratty kid destroy YOUR daughters enjoyment of education?
Re: --Dealing With BULLIES?
Bullying is a huge issue in schools in the west now. The best thing you can do is tell your daughter's teacher. Teachers are trained to deal with the issue - at first, just to keep an eye on the situation to see whats going on. Then to teach both the bully and the victim how to deal with whatever situation is causing the troubles. You really should involve the teacher at least so that the teacher can be on the lookout. Otherwise your daughter will keep suffering and eventually lose all interest in school. Social skills are a big part of educating children and your child is not getting the education she is entitled to because of the bully's lack of social skills. The school needs to deal with that. Why let some bratty kid destroy YOUR daughters enjoyment of education?
You are right ...I hadnt thought of it that way...I am going to have a confrence with her teacher to keep an eye on the situation. I do however want my daughter to stand up for herself too as there have been numerous times when kids passing by have slapped her and her reaction has always been oww that hurts and she didnt even tell her teacher and blurted it out to us one day like saying I dont know why they hit me. I did bring that about in teacher's notice. She is a shy kid to begin with but again I want her to stand up and say that is wrong.
Re: --Dealing With BULLIES?
Ask, I agree with others. It is good to train your child to face situtions like this to make him/her strong but sometimes waiting for child to take actions allows the situation to get out of hand. Hence, I think you should talk to the teacher and explain her the situation.
Re: --Dealing With BULLIES?
You're doing the right thing....I mean in our school what happens is that the bully is dealt with - parents called in, school psychologist to evaluate whether the bully needs anger management. BUT they also care for the victim of bullying with helpful suggestions for improving self-esteem and for what to do and how to deal with bullies. Its not like the old days where the victim is made out to be a "tattle-tale". Once the teacher is made aware of the problem, things should get much better for your little gal - hugs and prayers for her!
Re: --Dealing With BULLIES?
aww poor thing. :(
But I have to agree with Mamaof3 and HHL....you must let the teacher know about the situation so that he/she can make sure that it doesnt get out of hand. However you are right as well...it is important for your daughter to deal with situations like this on her own without anyone jumping in to rescue her. Perhaps you can tell the teacher to keep an eye out on your daughter and the bully with out intervening unless absolutely necessary. Maybe she can help guide them to resolve the situation on their own?
Re: --Dealing With BULLIES?
Ask, I agree with others. It is good to train your child to face situtions like this to make him/her strong but sometimes waiting for child to take actions allows the situation to get out of hand. Hence, I think you should talk to the teacher and explain her the situation.
I will talk to the teacher, hopefully she suggests something
You're doing the right thing....I mean in our school what happens is that the bully is dealt with - parents called in, school psychologist to evaluate whether the bully needs anger management. BUT they also care for the victim of bullying with helpful suggestions for improving self-esteem and for what to do and how to deal with bullies. Its not like the old days where the victim is made out to be a "tattle-tale". Once the teacher is made aware of the problem, things should get much better for your little gal - hugs and prayers for her!
I didnt know thatm thanks for sharing. I dont know if I should mention to the teacher by u know calling the kid.."bully"..it may not be appropriate you know.
aww poor thing. :(
But I have to agree with Mamaof3 and HHL....you must let the teacher know about the situation so that he/she can make sure that it doesnt get out of hand. However you are right as well...it is important for your daughter to deal with situations like this on her own without anyone jumping in to rescue her. Perhaps you can tell the teacher to keep an eye out on your daughter and the bully with out intervening unless absolutely necessary. Maybe she can help guide them to resolve the situation on their own?
Yes, I do want it to be a learning experience as well but not at the sake of her mis directing her anger at home. I have urged that she write in a diary her daily things, this enables me to take a peek at things that she may not talk to me about. For letting her teacher know I guess I will have to email her as I dont want my daughter to know that I talked to her teacher too as again that would make her think that Im bailing her out.
Re: --Dealing With BULLIES?
Mai to kehta hooN Chicago aa jao. It’ll also give me the chance to meet the little one (:jano: ) aur uss bully ko bhi dekh leiN gey :roman
Re: --Dealing With BULLIES?
My little one is right on track…she is the kicking master:cb:…she kicks first talks later…
Re: --Dealing With BULLIES?
Oh my 
Re: --Dealing With BULLIES?
well i dont think calling her a lil ***** wud be appropriate either 
Sorry but i really hate bullies, i was teased and made fun of mercilessly so i have no sympathy for those pathetic kids…
Um what everybody suggested… :k:
how old is ur daughter?
Re: --Dealing With BULLIES?
I went through a period of being bullied when i was 11/12, i went about it by trying to deal with it myself and keep it from my parents, i would return home from school feeling awful, but the moment i would walk thru the front door i would put on a mask of happiness on my face so no-one would know what i was going thru.
That's how it went for a period of six months, i don't know why i was being picked on and even though i did share my feeling with one or two teachers with regards to what was going on, nothing did get done.
What really opened my eyes was, that one day a kid by the name of Andrew who was in a similar situation to me slit his throat ( he survived) from what i came to know of later was as a result of months/years of being bullied and abused. I had never felt so sick within and what had happened was on my mind all evening.
The next day i was hoping what had transpired the prev. day would have effected the guys who were bullying me that what they were doing was wrong, but it did not. The next few weeks followed as suit, at that point in my life i wanted to end it all and do what Andrew had done weeks earlier.
I couldn't bring myself to do it, one afternoon during football practice the same kids began again, at this point i had enuff and had to take a stand, i called the so called leader to fight me as i knew this was only way this would end, win or loss i was not going to be afraid anymore of him or his friends. Well we fought and come the end, i was never picked on again and have never been picked on since. During the next few years i began sparring and bulking up, not only to feel good about myself caz of that passage in my early life, but to also not feel inferior to those who were taller and bigger than i.
From that experience now that i look back on it, i would'nt want to see it on anyone and i so wish i had opened up to my parents and tell 'em what i was going thru, but i have no qualms, caz in a funny way it made me the person i am today; a sincere individual, yet a person who can stand tall and be assertive when need be ...and i kind of like this person.
I have never shared this with anyone before and i don't know why i have so today, all i can add to this is Ask99, try to nip in the bud and talk to the head teacher or whomever before it goes down the ugly route.
Re: --Dealing With BULLIES?
I went through a period of being bullied when i was 11/12, i went about it by trying to deal with it myself and keep it from my parents, i would return home from school feeling awful, but the moment i would walk thru the front door i would put on a mask of happiness on my face so no-one would know what i was going thru.
That's how it went for a period of six months, i don't know why i was being picked on and even though i did share my feeling with one or two teachers with regards to what was going on, nothing did get done.
What really opened my eyes was, that one day a kid by the name of Andrew who was in a similar situation to me slit his throat ( he survived) from what i came to know of later was as a result of months/years of being bullied and abused. I had never felt so sick within and what had happened was on my mind all evening.
The next day i was hoping what had transpired the prev. day would have effected the guys who were bullying me that what they were doing was wrong, but it did not. The next few weeks followed as suit, at that point in my life i wanted to end it all and do what Andrew had done weeks earlier.
I couldn't bring myself to do it, one afternoon during football practice the same kids began again, at this point i had enuff and had to take a stand, i called the so called leader to fight me as i knew this was only way this would end, win or loss i was not going to be afraid anymore of him or his friends. Well we fought and come the end, i was never picked on again and have never been picked on since. During the next few years i began sparring and bulking up, not only to feel good about myself caz of that passage in my early life, but to also not feel inferior to those who were taller and bigger than i.
From that experience now that i look back on it, i would'nt want to see it on anyone and i so wish i had opened up to my parents and tell 'em what i was going thru, but i have no qualms, caz in a funny way it made me the person i am today; a sincere individual, yet a person who can stand tall and be assertive when need be ...and i kind of like this person.
I have never shared this with anyone before and i don't know why i have so today, all i can add to this is Ask99, try to nip in the bud and talk to the head teacher or whomever before it goes down the ugly route.
Thankyou for sharing such a personal point of view.Im sorry to hear what you had to go through to become the* Now You*. Could you elaborate on how they would bully meaning what exact tactics..are they like shoving etc or mind games /teasing stuff. And how come the school officials not take any actions against the bullies..Look at Columbine..
Today My daughter came back a bit better as she went to her teacher.Im going to talk to her in detail. I am thinking of putting my daughter in a self defence class , hopefully that helps with her confidence too. This girl who bullies her talks is bigger then her height and weight wise so I can understand for kids feeling intimidated too when she starts. I try talking to her to see how I can help without being over involved as you know I cannot be there all the time. I am even thinking of maybe puting her back in the private school she was at before.
Re: --Dealing With BULLIES?
Im sorry to hearthat Sara. I dont know why the r not reprimanded.One thing I think is that they r ignored by their parents or something that is why the lash out at others.My daughter is 7Mashallah:)
Re: --Dealing With BULLIES?
I sent you a PM.
Re: --Dealing With BULLIES?
i used to get bullied back in the days ( in grade 9 ) ... went straight to that dude... punched him hardddddd in his belly...and i got suspended... later on he never looked at me...
but ya in ur daughters case...she cant really do that but what she can do is tell her teacher about it and see what s/he says... or if ur daughter is young, you should actually go to school and talk to that bully kid and sort things out..
Re: --Dealing With BULLIES?
You shud talk to the teacher immediately.
Re: --Dealing With BULLIES?
Ask99, a little of all of the above.