How do you deal with arguments with your spouse? I mean , what is your best strategy to deal with it? Obviously in an ideal situation neither spouse would want any fights and tiffs , but , its a reality of marriage , tiffs happen and when they do , can something be done to minimize the negative feelings and connect to positive ones between both spouses?
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I feel its best to keep quiet at that time and think over what to say/do later when both parties are calmer.
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In utopia…yes, this happens. Every single day.
In the real world…
Re: Dealing with arguments..
At the time of heat, keep your calm - which is a lot easier to say than do.
Once everyone is calm we can talk again.
I don't believe in silence treatment but sometimes one just needs a bit time to be alone and that's fine. Not everything needs to be discussed right then and there.
If you're wrong, apologize sincerly and move on. If the other person is wrong, accept the apology and stop holding those damn grudges.
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What if the apology never comes and its always "its not my fault " , in that situation what do you do? reach out to the spouse even though they should be the one accepting their mistake ?
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One person to argue,heat up and blabber at a time..the other should listen,give it some time (a day or few hours) + some silent treatment ,let the ther one calm down..aik ga ghussa thanda ho jaye tau doosra bolay. We follow this..hum baari baari ‘boltay’ hain 
no confrontations,no ego to stop you from being the first one to step ahead to reconcile/apologise.
p.s. If you are a wife, make sure you dont ‘chhairo’ him when he is hungry or sleep deprived. The reaction to your one sentence can be very different in both cases :k:
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DO NOT argue even between lines infront of the kids AND there is no ‘silent treatment’ if you have kids 
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tell him ’ chahay kisi ki bhi ghalti hai, mai sorry bol deti hoon..koi baat nai’ 
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Depends how big the ‘fault’ is and how much ego one has in the game. Some people would be stubborn and not move an inch until the spouse did say sorry, others would be “whatever let’s move for the sake of peace” .. I think in the latter situation, at some time it will all backfire.
My personal opinion is that there is no room for egos in a marriage and there is no room for stubbornness. I think the least one can expect from a couple is that they are able to have an open and honest communication .. but maybe I just have it easy and I’m in lala land :halo:
Re: Dealing with arguments..
Re: Dealing with arguments..
How do you deal with arguments with your spouse? I mean , what is your best strategy to deal with it? Obviously in an ideal situation neither spouse would want any fights and tiffs , but , its a reality of marriage , tiffs happen and when they do , can something be done to minimize the negative feelings and connect to positive ones between both spouses?
I am not married but what I have seen my parents do is,
-never use foul language
-if it's not being resolved by arguing, take time out and go back to it when both have had time to calm down
-like proto said, be mindful of the condition next person is in before starting a fight. if one person just came back from work, wait until they have at least had something to eat
-a verbal 'sorry' isn't necessary if you can tell from the other's actions that he/she feels badly
-when the matter is resolved, truly let it go ... not just for the next person's sake but also for your own peace of mind
-don't wait too long to resolve things. One night of silent treatment is more than enough
My parents, mashAllah, rarely have arguments that turn into heated arguments. But I've noticed they are always respectful and considerate of each other even during a fight. I think that's really important...to not say something you can't take back.
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I prefer the stay calm thing, too. Recently I have been losing my cool..and I've realized it angers the other party and they respond in a similar manner. It all really comes down to you deciding what relationships are worth it and making them work.
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the real answer is dependent on the personality of the people involved.
I know of people that will simply go quiet and let things simmer. They'll burn and burn inside but won't say a thing.
I know of others that will expect you to hash it out right then and there and simply will not budge until you do. These same people will then completely forget about what's transpired/been said and go on with life......
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What I know is that my wife can go days without having to talk to me. Me on the other is one of them that cant stand it when someone is mad at them. I have learn to keep my distance for a day or two (give her time to calm down otherwise its round 2 of the same thing again) and then start slowly which results in us on good terms again.
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silent treatment sucks
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^ I second that.
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^I third that. They do.
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It takes a lot of practice to train your ego and feelings to remain under control and not take over. As someone who has extreme mood swings, this has been a life-long battle. Sulking and staying hurt takes more energy than letting go. I now force myself to smile no matter what! After every fight, I just go hug him even if I feel like killing him.
He knows me more than I know myself. He knows how to keep me sane. He has set up a few rules for me to follow:
- You shall not hide how you feel.
- You shall tell me instantly whatever bothers you.
- You must not stop talking to me no matter what.
- You must eat a banana everyday! :halo:
He thinks bananas cure everything.
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^ Bananas temporarily elevate the mood .