Dealing with arguments..

[Theorist]

Re: Dealing with arguments..

@LP

^ Bananas temporarily elevate the mood .

That’s what I told him.. “so you are making me eat a banana a day so you don’t have to deal with me” and he goes “yeah so?”

[LP]

Re: Dealing with arguments..

[us1415]

Re: Dealing with arguments..

OK. I will be buying a lot of bananas and make my wife eat them at least one a day and report back.

[Aaze]

Re: Dealing with arguments..

@Theorist

It takes a lot of practice to train your ego and feelings to remain under control and not take over. As someone who has extreme mood swings, this has been a life-long battle. Sulking and staying hurt takes more energy than letting go. I now force myself to smile no matter what! After every fight, I just go hug him even if I feel like killing him.

He knows me more than I know myself. He knows how to keep me sane. He has set up a few rules for me to follow:

1. You shall not hide how you feel.
2. You shall tell me instantly whatever bothers you.
3. You must not stop talking to me no matter what.
4. You must eat a banana everyday! :halo:
   **
   He thinks bananas cure everything.**

Mine thinks the same. Jesus the amount of bananas the guys eat in our home, it all makes sense now

[TLK]

Another reason to use paper plates. Nothing gets broken in our household when we argue

[Chicken_Biryani]

Re: Dealing with arguments..

so silent treatment is Bleh

I used to be the one who liked to discuss things out and sort out all differences. But then I realized my husband is the kind who keeps quiet and hates discussing. So, since i couldnt change him, i changed my style and am now trying to not discuss things like us1415 said , try and wait it out until things start again calmly ..

But having said that it does push me into silence when I feel wronged , I feel undervalued,disrespected, unwanted and a whole load of bigger emotions take over. Then it takes tonns of effort and a fight within to beat shaitan and not stop the salam exchange or doing tasks for him like dinner/ laundry etc .. but i stop talking about everything else. is that considered silent treatment?

[TLK]

@Theorist:10050900

I just go hug him even if I feel like killing him.
.

Ahh, a typical black widow spider syndrome; feeling of affection followed by the feeling of eradication

[Theorist]

Re: Dealing with arguments..

@Chicken_Biryani

so silent treatment is Bleh

I used to be the one who liked to discuss things out and sort out all differences. But then I realized my husband is the kind who keeps quiet and hates discussing. So, since i couldnt change him, i changed my style and am now trying to not discuss things like us1415 said , try and wait it out until things start again calmly ..

But having said that it does push me into silence when I feel wronged , I feel undervalued,disrespected, unwanted and a whole load of bigger emotions take over. Then it takes tonns of effort and a fight within to beat shaitan and not stop the salam exchange or doing tasks for him like dinner/ laundry etc .. but i stop talking about everything else. is that considered silent treatment?

Yes, and it’s normal. What I have found that it is more damaging that talking it out. You may want to save yet another argument but what ends up happening is you begin to lose sense of self, love and respect for your spouse. The feelings begin to go unchecked and before you know it, you just don’t care much!

That’s bad.

[Theorist]

Re: Dealing with arguments..

@TLK

Ahh, a typical black widow spider syndrome; feeling of affection followed by the feeling of eradication

.. aap se poocha hai kisi nay?

[KKF]

Re: Dealing with arguments..

if i ever have fights with my would-be wife, i'll say whatever will please me and before she will start throwing pots N pans at me, i'll hand over my AMEX charge card with 'no spending' limit.

she will be happy shopping and will come home smiling and then shower flowers of love on me! :D

[Chicken_Biryani]

Re: Dealing with arguments..

in your dreams KKF, shadi mai ye sub nai hota mere bhai !

[Moodie_Foodie]

One rule for us, we don't fight in front of our kids. That completely limits how much we fight.. it's an exchange of seething looks and angry text messages. IF we are lucky enough to have some time alone and happen to fight then I am the volatile one and I will unburden my heart with rants and vents, he's gonna make quiet biting remarks or HUM. He HUMS to zone me out so when the storm is over we just give each other space. Enough to just think about the things exchanged and honestly make up withing a few days maximum. Some people won't ever see their fault and if you are married to a person who wont, then nothing in the world will make them see their own faults. At the end of the day, you have to make the marriage work and if there aren't any reasons present that make the option of divorce valid, say your peace and extend the olive branch. Communicate even if it means it will be heard on deaf ears, say what you feel and how you feel. We cannot expect the other person to know how we feel because some people are simply oblivious unintentionally. They really are not clued in so communicate before you hurl around don't you know why I am mad. Um Do you?!? Give each other space to rehash the argument in your heads and sift thru words exchanged and with that also comes guilt. And if the other partner is willing to make up, don't turn them away. It takes plenty of effort to come and mumble truce. Use that cue to open up some sort of dialogue. This is how it works for us.

[KKF]

Re: Dealing with arguments..

@Chicken_Biryani

in your dreams KKF, shadi mai ye sub nai hota mere bhai !

to bahnaa, koii hint to deN! :)

[Chicken_Biryani]

Re: Dealing with arguments..

poora Relationship forum is full of hints

[KKF]

Re: Dealing with arguments..

@Chicken_Biryani

poora Relationship forum is full of hints

taubaa taubaa…Life-1 ko paRh kar to Angel hubby aur Angelica wife bhii laR paReNge.

[nnabid]

Re: Dealing with arguments..

I think we both (unconsciously) take turns to vent our feelings in an argument, and/or sometimes say immature things. But if I sense he is in that mode, I usually stay quiet and let him get it all out. Then when things have calmed down (usually a few hours) I'll talk to him again. I think he does the same when I'm in that mode too.

Arguments are too stressful and energy-consuming. Bleugh.

[nnabid]

Re: Dealing with arguments..

In fact, if I feel an argument is going to brew, I often now just say "I don't want this to turn into an argument..." so that we both chill.

[Muzna]

Re: Dealing with arguments..

@KKF

taubaa taubaa…Life-1 ko paRh kar to Angel hubby aur Angelica wife bhii laR paReNge.

wisdom dictates that you learn how to be good from knowing what is bad.