I visit my friends once a year. Actually those of us who aren’t there anymore come over. Its usually a two week period and we just chill and have a good time. There are roughly 10 of us guys and girls and we make the extra effort to get more involved.
Some of my friends are married, and one of the desi guys has this really annoying wife. She has a fit whenever we all come to town, that he spends too much time outside. Its not too much. We see each other once a year. We have been friends since 1999. Its 10 years. For those 10 years we have all kept in touch, been to weddings and all that jazz. Hell most of us have met each other’s extended family let alone parents.
However this Pakistani broad can’t get it through her thick skull that we all want to hang out. We do not exclude her in anyway. Other spouses come as well. She however just complains to him and *****es at him for hanging out with us.
Dinner she is invited. Drinks same as well. Movies, trips to the Alps and what not. She is not excluded from anything. She doesn’t say no. She just consistently complains to my good friend about how we take up too much of his time and that he spends way too much time outside.
So the question is gentlemen if this was your wife how would you deal with it?
^ I'm not a gentleman.....but.......if you guys only hang out once a year, then it is unreasonable for her accuse her husband of spending way too much time with his friends. Such an accusation would make sense.....if......the guy in question generally spends most of his time with his friends (not just you and the gang but **OTHER **friends outside the group as well) than with his wife.
Perhaps there are problems in the marriage. Maybe he hangs out with his friends more often.....as a form of escape. It could be that the guy is not dedicated to the marriage or finds the marriage incompatible. It's possible that the wife is posessive and has insecurity issues. Who knows?
Have some of the other guy's wives tried to talk to her nicely a bit.....maybe gently encourage her to become comfortable.
Have you talked to your friend about this? Is this only something that you have observed regarding your friend's wife........OR........has he complained about it to you. Because if he hasn't mentioned this to you......it can get messy if you become involved.
Now......if your friend has talked to you about this issue.......there are many questions that would come to mind......such as the state of the marriage. Perhaps spending more time with his wife could help her develop a more accepting/compromising attitude when he wants to hang out with his friends. You give some....you take some. It's not always fun or easy, but constructive communication about issues is essential in every relationship.
The matter is not discussed with me or anybody. We don't interfere. During discussions of the plans, we were told he could not attend nearly 80% of the plans because his wife complained that he spends too much time with us.
We in turn as his friends gave him grief. He has sorted the matter, don't really care what or how he sorted it. He says he handled it and now will attend all our plans. Since he didn't say more we didn't care to ask.
I am not gonna ask for advice from anybody on GS for any real life matter. However I did want to see how other husbands or men would react to such a situation as I am betting most men have been given grief by their wives about their social habits and their time spent with friends.
Lols... the ONLY advice/suggestions you'll get on GS will be always be trying to find an angle to pin the whole thing on the guy. He MUST be doing something terrible and that his wife is 100% justified in whatever she does. The other day, a guy was getting his back kicked on GS because he found out that his wife was cheating. Needless to say, most threads were about trying to find an angle to disrespect the guy.... he must not be fulfilling her needs, or he may be this .... he may be that...
However being a guy, If it were upto me, I'd probably go with wifey to these excursions or not go at all. However, If I really wanted to go there, I wouldn't care alot about her complaining..... though forutnately complaining will never be the case InshAllah
Usually women complain about friends when one of two things is the case:
The friends are a bad influence and he starts acting strange after being around them. Some men start to feel nostalgic and want to relive their teen yrs all over again after seeing the same faces and some men just forget they have a house and home to look after now.
He really doesnt give her enough alone time and when he talks about hanging out with his friends, her natural reaction is “you have time for them, but no time for me”.
If the couple is making sure they get enough of each other…there is no reason to complain. Problem solved.
Pakistani Broad? Thick skull?!?
I hope she senses that you do not respect her at all and thats probably why she doesn’t want him to spend time with you folks.
I’m pretty offended at these terms you’ve used for Pakistani women.
He might meet with YOU guys once a year, but is he spending a lot of time at work and not at home? Does he have avoidance behavior with his wife - like...any time he should be home, he finds an excuse to not be home? Does he have other friends he goes out with?
Or she really is an idiot and thinks that she can have it all showered on her, and at the same time her husband sit at home and spend the entire day with her. You want the man to buy you a diamond? Shutup and let him work. I don't know - some ladies don't get this concept.
She shud enjoy the time by herself. I certainly do when hubby is off with his mates! (i mean just chilling and watching what I want on tv nothing more exciting than that.) I hate wives who try to force their husbands to spend more time with them....my view is if my hubby wants to spend time with me fine, if not, I would never force him because then he's doing it against his will....it jus kills it.
I have a couple of friends like yours who are controlled by their wives and have basically given up on doing the things they like to do with friends. They are shareef guys who basically have given in to their wives' controlling attitude.
Snowy and Funguy thanks for the short comments. I just find it odd how she doesn't like us being around for a two week period. Oddly it is only the Pakistani spouse who has this issue. Only three of us are married, the other two Indonesian and UAE spouses have no issues. They hang out with us. Hell they even come to the airport to pick us up.
Its only this woman who has issues, and I just hope our yearly get together does get messed up due to her.
Maybe there's more to the story.. do they usually get time to spend together? It doesn't make sense why two weeks in an entire year is such a big deal to her.. unless the husband usually just ignores her and she feels this way.
By the way normally you get 2 to 3 weeks vacation per year and if he spends those 2 weeks every year with the friends, then how does he take time out for family vacation?
Nah we take it and come to Geneva. He stays put and only takes a day or two off if we plan any trips outside the city. Also we are all in the same system so we get between 30 and 45 working days off a year.
