Dealing with a Friend that Left Islam

Society Religion & Philosophy
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Its really hard, I must say. I’m no perfect muslim myself, so I dont know why I even try to bring her back to the faith.

But I’ve tried these past few years, and it just gets worse and worse.

What the issue is - is that she has massive problems with her parents. Massive. And the fact that her brother is getting a great deal of attention and leniance is not helping. He’s a pothead, and deals drugs, etc - and his parents are trying their best to get him off it. So for every little good step he does, they give him things - stereo system, new car, etc.

For my friend, they don’t do much - or that’s what she says. Their side of the story is that they do whatever they can, but she’s just not satisfied.

And of course, her leaving the religion has a lot to do with how they treat her currently.

Every time I speak to her - its the same story. She discusses how lousy her family is and how lousy Islam is in one breath.

My assessment is that she was very fed up with family life, met a girl in high school who encouraged her to rebel against her family, and also along with it, against her faith.

So, my friend left home to go to college far away (not a bad thing, but her reasons weren’t academic - she just wanted to get away).

And she also left Islam.

I almost get so weary of arguing points with her. Being a philosophy major, I’m able to battle her, because she’s also in philosophy. But its the same story, over and over. My parents are making me pay for this - my parents are making me pay for that - they let my brother get away with everything.

And then in the middle of all this comes - “they just don’t like the fact that I’m not muslim anymore”

I thought patience and a listening ear might get her to come back to Islam, but it didn’t.

And I think I had about enough of it when she and I were at a bookstore, and she was trying to get me to buy an anti-Islam book by Ibn Warraq that helped her convert out of Islam.

Has anyone had to deal with someone who left Islam?

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Re: Dealing with a Friend that Left Islam

^ these stories are all to common place i have seen incidents of this when i was university where even one girl became non muslim and became a pot smoking lesbian.

You have tried your best khalas if you can do no more than leave it there 2 billion muslims in the world your time is better spent on them.

I am assuming this incident happened in west and this type of behaviour is normal because this is what society is like their they encourage this kind of behaviour, even they look down on people who have not left thier parents home by the time thier 18 years old!

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Re: Dealing with a Friend that Left Islam

^ From what I understand, people are converting out of Islam also in the East. Not as many as probably are converting into Islam, but nonetheless, its not limited to the West.

Its just that people aren't so afraid of speaking out about it in the West. My friend announced it to her parents, and then left for college. Her parents, in turn, didn't help her with her finances. So she was going thru what most other students gothru - paying their way thru college.

In Pakistan, if you convert out, and you tell your parents - exactly where are you going to go?

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Re: Dealing with a Friend that Left Islam

You should kill her. Isn't that the rule? that'll learn her...

Shyenuuuuuuu
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Re: Dealing with a Friend that Left Islam

No, because she might come back to Islam tomorrow. How do I know? And she says she believes in God still - just not Islam. So, even technically, no one can really kill her.

Shyenuuuuuuu
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Re: Dealing with a Friend that Left Islam

Prolly hell since the punishment for leaving islam is killing..

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Re: Dealing with a Friend that Left Islam

Her dealing of Islam is between her and Allah. Its her choice, only she can walk the path. All you can do is be a good friend and be there when she needs you. Don't bring up the issue of Islam needlessly.

The way you put it, is that she has her issues and she is using Islam to get back to her parents. She has to come in terms with her issues before she knows where she stands with her beliefs.
Just be an example for her, there is no compulsion in Islam.

Long time no see...
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Re: Dealing with a Friend that Left Islam

ahh.. our danda is also taking things out of context… he’s also queerified :hehe:

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Re: Dealing with a Friend that Left Islam

I say let her be what she wants, but then you should tell her that she has no right to put down your religion or try to convince you otherwise.

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Re: Dealing with a Friend that Left Islam

Sorry to hear that your friend has left Islam. I hope she reverts to Islam soon, insha'Allah.

To me, the problem seems like she is basically using her parents' behaviour towards her to justify that Islam is a bad religion. Just because her parents don't treat her the way she thinks she should be treated does not mean her parents are following the Islamic guidelines to treat her better than her brother.

Furthermore, she seems to be rebelling against her parents by leaving Islam to purposely annoy and grieve them.

All in all, she needs to sit down with her parents and sort out the differences. She needs to tell them exactly how and why she feels she is being mistreated in comparison to her brother.

In addition, she has to stop confusing her parents' supposed bad behaivour with Islamic teachings. I don't see a correlation.

Long time no see...
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Re: Dealing with a Friend that Left Islam

aise loag jo islam chhorhte hain unheiN mere paas bhej do..main unheiN achhay khaasay Sikh bana kar choorhoNga.....initiation ceremony will involve high concentration spirits.

Newww name for GS
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Re: Dealing with a Friend that Left Islam

^
aap unhaiN sick banaa kar choRaiN gey?? :confused:

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Re: Dealing with a Friend that Left Islam

Asalamualaikum,

(people dont forget to say your salam. the one to say it is more closer to Allah :) )

what religion has she taken up now? if she took up any. if you still see her then do whatever you can to show her the bad route she's taken. point things out to her and show her how ignrant she's bieng. and show her the beauty of Islam through your manners and speach and behavior etc. she may or may not listen for the first few times. but you gota be patient. and more then anything pray for her. not pray for her to be forgiven coz you can only pray for forgivenss for those who are Muslims. but you can pray for her to be guided back to the right path.

another important thing is that you watch your behavior around her. what i mean is that if she is having an affect on your behavior (a negative one) then leave her. becuase then your faith is more precious to save then her coming back to Islam. leave her if her influence on you is a bad one. but if you can help bieng a Muslim and keep your duty to Allah then you can stick with her as long as you try to change her mind everytime.

May Allah guide us and her to the right path and keep us stead fast till death!
Ameeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen !

Shyenuuuuuuu
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Re: Dealing with a Friend that Left Islam

:salam:
PCG-Yes in a way, so here is my personal experience: what you say to her or this book won’t probably reverse the situation, it’s more of her growing more wise with time that will bring her back to Islam:insha:
But your role is to be a “muslim model”, ie stay friendly, nice, intelligent… From your posts I guess you are a strong woman, just stay like that, happy of your life, confident in your religion and moral commitment. Show her with your way of life how Islam is a good thing to you, how it is helping you dealing with everyday struggles and anoyances. And as she is probably allergic to Islam by now don’t talk openly about it…use subtle ways!:slight_smile:

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Re: Dealing with a Friend that Left Islam

R U sure you're her friend? how can you put religion over friendship? All I see in this is your friend is reaching out to you as a friend and you're slow-burning inside about islam instead of enthusiastically helping her.

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Re: Dealing with a Friend that Left Islam

^ What makes you think I'm not attending to her needs as a friend? Just because I haven't addressed it does not mean I haven't done it.

:)

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Re: Dealing with a Friend that Left Islam

if she’s going to hell one way or other why bother to kill her (or anyone)?:confused:

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Re: Dealing with a Friend that Left Islam

If a person is leaving islam because of lack of finance then what kind of islam where they beliving in the first place where they leave islam because of this makes no sense people starving to death in places in africa and asia do they leave islam because they are poor also me thinks not.

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Re: Dealing with a Friend that Left Islam

^ I think you missed the concept.

She's leaving not because of finances. She's leaving, I feel, because she is wanting to get attention from her parents and rebel a bit.

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Re: Dealing with a Friend that Left Islam

What does her parents attitude towards her and her brother has to do with Islam? Its not what Islam tells tehm to do. They are responsible for what they do, and she will also be responsible for all that she has said, no matter if that was to annoy the parents or what ever. There is no way she can justify whatever she said and did.

You can argue with her on these points. And try to get her back to her senses.