So much for people to think about when they marry.. I just came across a post on another forum which mentioned a potential asking that his future wife not wear colours (apart from b+w) outside the home which got me thinking..
Which of the following would be dealbreakers for you and which would be no problem at all?
Being told you must not work or study after marriage
Being told your other half would prefer you not to work or study later
Needing to move abroad (or far from family)
Needing to change your style of dressing (for ex eastern style rather than western or take up hijab)
Needing to ask permission to leave home
Doing extra housework (ie for other family members)
Moving in with inlaws
Being asked to stop mixing with certain friends or people of the opposite gender
So much for people to think about when they marry.. I just came across a post on another forum which mentioned a potential asking that his future wife not wear colours (apart from b+w) outside the home which got me thinking..
Which of the following would be dealbreakers for you and which would be no problem at all?
Being told you must not work or study after marriage
Being told your other half would prefer you not to work or study later
Needing to move abroad (or far from family)
Needing to change your style of dressing (for ex eastern style rather than western or take up hijab)
Needing to ask permission to leave home
Doing extra housework (ie for other family members)
Moving in with inlaws
Being asked to stop mixing with certain friends or people of the opposite gender
i am fine with all the above apart from the last one. I have male friends mainly..and have always got on well with guys in general..be it youngsters or uncles.
..the dress style change might be a problems but depend on the extend..i wouldnt like being 'forced' to wear the hijab as it isnt something you do for others really
So much for people to think about when they marry.. I just came across a post on another forum which mentioned a potential asking that his future wife not wear colours (apart from b+w) outside the home which got me thinking..
Which of the following would be dealbreakers for you and which would be no problem at all?
Being told you must not work or study after marriage
Being told your other half would prefer you not to work or study later
Needing to move abroad (or far from family)
Needing to change your style of dressing (for ex eastern style rather than western or take up hijab)
Needing to ask permission to leave home
Doing extra housework (ie for other family members)
Moving in with inlaws
Being asked to stop mixing with certain friends or people of the opposite gender
If I cared for deal breakers, I wouldn't have an awesome husband. If he cared for deal breakers, he wouldn't have an awesome wife. I used to think about deal breakers but then I realized it's so much better to work through these "deal breakers" than break a perfectly good relationship over a deal breaker. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger and wiser.
I've heard of plenty of girls being expected to ask their inlaws if they want to go out for dinner or visit their parents..
Not sure if it's a matter of having to get actual permission in a practical sense or more about courtesy and manners..
Most of the time its sort of ceremonial Kinda like President of Pakistan. If that can keep someone's in-laws happy, I'd not make it a confrontation point but if its actually a permission - permission, then yeah we got issue there.
I'm only asking because it's usually much easier to compromise when you already have a bond with someone..
Yes, ours was a love marriage. I guess we don't qualify. :D
You are right, it's easier to compromise when you know the person well enough and of course, you must care for each other and have a good understanding. Only then these issues can be worked out. Otherwise, it's simply abuse and manipulation.
Yikes. I'm so fussy because these are all of these are deal breakers. But the thing is I'm more likely to adapt seeing the environment around me but I think being told straight out would be better to help me gauge my priorities.
It gets worse if a guy doesn't express what he wants and acts passive aggressive. A friend's husband actually went on her facebook and deleted some of her male friends especially ones she would mention in front of him. That was so embarrassing for her because they were more work and uni friends with whom she had a professional relationship. She readded them all after her divorce.
^My husband deleted male friends from my Facebook and they too were all work contacts. I laughed about it and teased him instead. Then, I moved on. Am I the odd one here?
^My husband deleted male friends from my Facebook and they too were all work contacts. I laughed about it and teased him instead. Then, I moved on. Am I the odd one here?
how irresponsible of u. my begum never leaves her fb logged in for me to delete all male friends ! LOL
So much for people to think about when they marry.. I just came across a post on another forum which mentioned a potential asking that his future wife not wear colours (apart from b+w) outside the home which got me thinking..
Which of the following would be dealbreakers for you and which would be no problem at all?
Being told you must not work or study after marriage
dealbreaker
Being told your other half would prefer you not to work or study later
dealbreaker
Needing to move abroad (or far from family)
not a problem
Needing to change your style of dressing (for ex eastern style rather than western or take up hijab)
dealbreaker depending on what the backing behind the request is, for example if it's that i dress more conservatively for religious reasons, then I could compromise, if it's you can't wear western clothes at all, then I couldn't do that.
Needing to ask permission to leave home
Dealbreaker
Doing extra housework (ie for other family members)
Not a problem depending on a discussion being involved.
Moving in with inlaws
Not a problem depending on a discussion being involved and a mutual decision being reached.
Being asked to stop mixing with certain friends or people of the opposite gender
Dealbreaker- unless there's a specific friend or person my spouse is concerned about for a valid reason.
QUOTE]
In general, for most of these things I wouldn't take kindly to being told to do or anything or forced to do anything. But if my husband requests certain things and I have the option of openly discussing it then I would be willing to compromise. That being said, I married my husband because I knew he would never demand anything of me and our relationship was built on a partnership.
Which of the following would be dealbreakers for you and which would be no problem at all?
Being told you must not work or study after marriage
Being told your other half would prefer you not to work or study later
Needing to move abroad (or far from family)
Needing to change your style of dressing (for ex eastern style rather than western or take up hijab)
Needing to ask permission to leave home
Doing extra housework (ie for other family members)
Moving in with inlaws
Being asked to stop mixing with certain friends or people of the opposite gender
The last one...I live in a society where I have no choice but to talk, mix and speak to people of the opposite gender. If he cannot handle that...why is he even looking in the US?
^My husband deleted male friends from my Facebook and they too were all work contacts. I laughed about it and teased him instead. Then, I moved on. Am I the odd one here?
I think a guy's behaviour needs to be looked at overall and if it's oppressive from the get go then it's another form of abuse and nothing else. Only you can decide your boundaries.
Personally speaking I wouldn't allow anyone to access my social media accounts and if someone dared then their LinkedIn name is changing into 's b****.
Being told you must not work or study after marriage
Dealbreaker
Being told your other half would prefer you not to work or study later
Dealbreaker - I would not have married someone who was not supportive of my career.
Needing to move abroad (or far from family)
I'm open to moving to a different State. But moving out of the U.S. is not an option for me.
Needing to change your style of dressing (for ex eastern style rather than western or take up hijab)
Dealbreaker.
Needing to ask permission to leave home
LOL yea I don't think so. Dealbreaker.
Doing extra housework (ie for other family members)
I am not willing to live in a joint family so this would be a deal breaker.
Moving in with inlaws
Depends. If my in-laws are unable to live on their own due to age/health issues, then I have no problem with them living with us. On the flip side, he should understand and accept that I am the eldest in my family and have no brothers….so if/when MY parents are elderly and are unable to live on their own, he should be ok with MY parents living with us.
Being asked to stop mixing with certain friends or people of the opposite gender
My job requires me to talk to/mix with men on a daily basis so its a deal breaker if he expects me to stop interacting with ALL men. As for male friends…..if there is a specific friend he's uncomfortable with for some reason OR if he would prefer I not hang out with male friends alone……I'm willing to respect that. But if he wants me to end my friendship with ALL my guy friends simply b/c they're guys…then no….that's not something I'd agree to.
^My husband deleted male friends from my Facebook and they too were all work contacts. I laughed about it and teased him instead. Then, I moved on. Am I the odd one here?
Don't know if you're "odd" but it may also depend on the nature of your work and these relationships. I'm curious…..why did your husband feel the need to delete them himself (without even telling you about it first) instead of talking to you and asking you to delete them?
Personally, I would be furious if my husband did this. Firstly, if he wants someone off my FB…then he should discuss it with me. To delete them without talking to me is very disrespectful. Secondly, I have people on FB who are work contacts but people I'm not actually friends with. But some of these are people at my firm who are higher-ups and tend to be…sensitive. And there are others from outside firms/companies who are in a position to refer clients to me. For my husband to delete them off FB means he's putting me in a situation where these people may be offended…..which has the potential to influence my career negatively….a career I've worked very hard for. For my husband to do this….who I expect to me fully supportive of my career….is very irresponsible and disrespectful.
So much for people to think about when they marry.. I just came across a post on another forum which mentioned a potential asking that his future wife not wear colours (apart from b+w) outside the home which got me thinking..
Which of the following would be dealbreakers for you and which would be no problem at all?
Being told you must not work or study after marriage told not to work-not a deal breaker, told not to study-deal breaker
Being told your other half would prefer you not to work or study later
Needing to move abroad (or far from family) NO Dealbreaker
Needing to change your style of dressing (for ex eastern style rather than western or take up hijab)Change in style of dressing is acceptable but asking to wear hijab is a deal breaker for me. however, if asked to wear it only while going to certain people's homes(who are super religious and don't appreciate girls without hijab but your husband or relatives are close to them) in that case i can wear hijab for going to their place.
Needing to ask permission to leave home: Permission as in really need to take permission every time you want to go out somewhere is a deal breaker however, just letting know the husband or MIL that you are going out is not a problem.
Doing extra housework (ie for other family members) not a problem
Moving in with inlaws: not a problem
Being asked to stop mixing with certain friends or people of the opposite gender: deal breaker
Don't know if you're "odd" but it may also depend on the nature of your work and these relationships. I'm curious…..why did your husband feel the need to delete them himself (without even telling you about it first) instead of talking to you and asking you to delete them?
Personally, I would be furious if my husband did this. Firstly, if he wants someone off my FB…then he should discuss it with me. To delete them without talking to me is very disrespectful. Secondly, I have people on FB who are work contacts but people I'm not actually friends with. But some of these are people at my firm who are higher-ups and tend to be…sensitive. And there are others from outside firms/companies who are in a position to refer clients to me. For my husband to delete them off FB means he's putting me in a situation where these people may be offended…..which has the potential to influence my career negatively….a career I've worked very hard for. For my husband to do this….who I expect to me fully supportive of my career….is very irresponsible and disrespectful.
I am never really the one to worry about people getting offended and what they would think. So these contacts didn't mean anything nor did it affect my work. Also, I don't find it disrespectful or invasion of privacy. I guess I just don't care enough to be bothered by it. I actually teased him saying stuff like, "o so you feel threatened eh? You so jealous!"
It was out of character for him to do this. It kind of felt good. :D
I think a guy's behaviour needs to be looked at overall and if it's oppressive from the get go then it's another form of abuse and nothing else. Only you can decide your boundaries.
Personally speaking I wouldn't allow anyone to access my social media accounts and if someone dared then their LinkedIn name is changing into 's b****.