So much for people to think about when they marry.. I just came across a post on another forum which mentioned a potential asking that his future wife not wear colours (apart from b+w) outside the home which got me thinking..
Which of the following would be dealbreakers for you and which would be no problem at all?
Being told you must not work or study after marriage
Being told your other half would prefer you not to work or study later
Needing to move abroad (or far from family)
Needing to change your style of dressing (for ex eastern style rather than western or take up hijab)
Needing to ask permission to leave home
Doing extra housework (ie for other family members)
Moving in with inlaws
Being asked to stop mixing with certain friends or people of the opposite gender
i am fine with all the above apart from the last one. I have male friends mainly..and have always got on well with guys in general..be it youngsters or uncles.
..the dress style change might be a problems but depend on the extend..i wouldnt like being ‘forced’ to wear the hijab as it isnt something you do for others really
If I cared for deal breakers, I wouldn’t have an awesome husband. If he cared for deal breakers, he wouldn’t have an awesome wife. I used to think about deal breakers but then I realized it’s so much better to work through these “deal breakers” than break a perfectly good relationship over a deal breaker. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and wiser.
Most of the time its sort of ceremonial Kinda like President of Pakistan. If that can keep someone’s in-laws happy, I’d not make it a confrontation point but if its actually a permission - permission, then yeah we got issue there.
Yes, ours was a love marriage. I guess we don’t qualify.
You are right, it’s easier to compromise when you know the person well enough and of course, you must care for each other and have a good understanding. Only then these issues can be worked out. Otherwise, it’s simply abuse and manipulation.
Yikes. I’m so fussy because these are all of these are deal breakers. But the thing is I’m more likely to adapt seeing the environment around me but I think being told straight out would be better to help me gauge my priorities.
It gets worse if a guy doesn’t express what he wants and acts passive aggressive. A friend’s husband actually went on her facebook and deleted some of her male friends especially ones she would mention in front of him. That was so embarrassing for her because they were more work and uni friends with whom she had a professional relationship. She readded them all after her divorce.
^My husband deleted male friends from my Facebook and they too were all work contacts. I laughed about it and teased him instead. Then, I moved on. Am I the odd one here?
So much for people to think about when they marry.. I just came across a post on another forum which mentioned a potential asking that his future wife not wear colours (apart from b+w) outside the home which got me thinking..
Which of the following would be dealbreakers for you and which would be no problem at all?
Being told you must not work or study after marriage
dealbreaker
Being told your other half would prefer you not to work or study later
dealbreaker
Needing to move abroad (or far from family)
not a problem
Needing to change your style of dressing (for ex eastern style rather than western or take up hijab)
dealbreaker depending on what the backing behind the request is, for example if it’s that i dress more conservatively for religious reasons, then I could compromise, if it’s you can’t wear western clothes at all, then I couldn’t do that.
Needing to ask permission to leave home
Dealbreaker
Doing extra housework (ie for other family members)
Not a problem depending on a discussion being involved.
Moving in with inlaws
Not a problem depending on a discussion being involved and a mutual decision being reached.
Being asked to stop mixing with certain friends or people of the opposite gender
Dealbreaker- unless there’s a specific friend or person my spouse is concerned about for a valid reason.
QUOTE]
In general, for most of these things I wouldn’t take kindly to being told to do or anything or forced to do anything. But if my husband requests certain things and I have the option of openly discussing it then I would be willing to compromise. That being said, I married my husband because I knew he would never demand anything of me and our relationship was built on a partnership.
The last one…I live in a society where I have no choice but to talk, mix and speak to people of the opposite gender. If he cannot handle that…why is he even looking in the US?
I think a guy’s behaviour needs to be looked at overall and if it’s oppressive from the get go then it’s another form of abuse and nothing else. Only you can decide your boundaries.
Personally speaking I wouldn’t allow anyone to access my social media accounts and if someone dared then their LinkedIn name is changing into 's b****.
Don’t know if you’re “odd” but it may also depend on the nature of your work and these relationships. I’m curious…..why did your husband feel the need to delete them himself (without even telling you about it first) instead of talking to you and asking you to delete them?
Personally, I would be furious if my husband did this. Firstly, if he wants someone off my FB…then he should discuss it with me. To delete them without talking to me is very disrespectful. Secondly, I have people on FB who are work contacts but people I’m not actually friends with. But some of these are people at my firm who are higher-ups and tend to be…sensitive. And there are others from outside firms/companies who are in a position to refer clients to me. For my husband to delete them off FB means he’s putting me in a situation where these people may be offended…..which has the potential to influence my career negatively….a career I’ve worked very hard for. For my husband to do this….who I expect to me fully supportive of my career….is very irresponsible and disrespectful.
I am never really the one to worry about people getting offended and what they would think. So these contacts didn’t mean anything nor did it affect my work. Also, I don’t find it disrespectful or invasion of privacy. I guess I just don’t care enough to be bothered by it. I actually teased him saying stuff like, “o so you feel threatened eh? You so jealous!”
It was out of character for him to do this. It kind of felt good.
