Why do girls are brought up to be so worried about their rista? So much so that once they graduate from college (or even sometimes before) getting married becomes the only consistent goal left in their life?
I am worried.
Re: Daughters
what else then?
Re: Daughters
Part of the reason why females become so obsessed with marriage is due to family pressure and outside pressure (meaning the community). I think you have the opportunity, as a parent, to make sure your daughter has a lot of outside hobbies and interests so her life doesn't just revolve around marriage. From what i've seen, the girls who tend to become so obsessed don't really have anything else to focus on. They can't travel, they can't go out for extra-curricular activities, etc. Just encourage your daughter to pursue other interests so her life doesn't just revolve around sitting around, waiting and obsessing over marriage.
Also, it would help if you didn't put her in the company of elders who think marriage is the only goal for women. It's going to affect a girl's mentality if she constantly hears about rishtas, marriages, etc. while growing up. Even if it isn't directed at her, it will still affect her.
Re: Daughters
i think its not the women/daughters you need to worry about, its society and the parents. I can't speak for everyone as my experience is very different, as is each individual daughters/womans, but my family believe in getting "rid" of their daughters as soon as possible, basically its a farz which muct be done and society will talk if your not married.
If your told something so much day in day out, you begin to believe it and it effects your thoughts and how you live your life without you knowing to what extent and how much it really means to you.
I think its all BS as so much in life is, but then again this is just my experience and my opinion.
Re: Daughters
I think desi parents feel guilty of not letting their daughters live on their own accord. There are absolute restrictions on having male friends, travel as Mehnaz pointed out and basically pursuing any goals that would make them independent. They believe that getting their dauhters married off is their 'farz' or 'duty'. I can bet you that if there was no societal pressure on parents, they would all let their daughters date within certain limits. The parents know that religion doesn't stop us from dating but it's the 'log kya kahiangay' factor that they are afraid of.
If I was to raise a daughter, I would make her strong, educated and independent thinker. She would NOT depend on another man for her existence. Ofcourse I would encourage her to marry at some point in her life but it doesn't have to be 18,28,38 ...
The dilema with desi parents is that they put all these restrictions on daughters and make them very dependent on others. Then after a certain age, they have to find someone to take care of this 'dependent soul' as they know they won't live forever to take care of herl.
Re: Daughters
Well, I visited my inlaws these past holidays and the comments were unbelievable. Someone asked how her year-end doctor’s appoint turned out and I proudly told them about Misbah’s above average height percentile. With a grim smile she replied “Dua karo, lambi larkiyooN kay liyay rista dhondna muskil ho jata hay”. I was at a loss of words and the pity is that it was'nt the last comment I heard about her rista on the trip.
ghuLail: Haven’t you heard the shair
Or bhi dukh haiN zamanay maiN ghamay jana kay siwa.
And have you ever known a guy worried about his rista at 18?
Re: Daughters
I dont think too many girls actually sit around and worry about rishtas. Not that I have seen. Theres nothing wrong in getting married if they think they're ready - be that right after college etc. And frankly theres nothing wrong in wanting to get married at a young age. That in my opinion would be between 20 and 23.
As for society , hey society and people always expect too much. We cant all live by the society's rules.
Re: Daughters
I agree with funguy. ANd sorry missy but you fall into the category of what funguy said.
" I can bet you that if there was no societal pressure on parents, they would all let their daughters date within certain limits". I think it is societal pressures that will get you married to a hmmmmm a good man my lil walkie talkie.:D.
Here is a story:
One of my unlces daughter who grew up here and after she graduated from HS started "OK meri shaadi kab karan gey". So I intervened and told my uncle to get a life and let the girl learn something put her in college. So he did and all I heard for the next four years from him and his family was What a good guy (nice man ) I am that I told my uncle andhe saw the light. Well that worked fine till that bit^H showed up one day with a Gora married to him.
To this date I hear what a MF I am I polluted his kids and I am a black sheep. Iss BC ki baat sunNi Nahe ChaYay tee. Naak KutWa diya. Haram ZaadaY neh pureee bradari meh. Well it didn't end; my cousins cousins saw this and she decides to follow her dreams and she ends up marrying a Jew.
That part of the family doesn't call me nordo I call them, cause supposedly its my fault. On the saem token my cousins brothers are now being setup and they call me everyday to help them out but I cant. I dont wanna get killed.
Re: Daughters
AJ jee, I was worried about my marriage at 5. I wanted to marry every other dulhan I saw in a wedding ceremony. That phased out quickly but then resurfaced when I was 17. I believe the motives weren't very clean during the second phase. Currently at 31, I am completely out of phase.
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FG wanna play with barbies??
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what are you on abt woman? what category do i fall into?? why do u have to bring me into to everything chick, leave me alone 
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well one reason ive heard is that girls who dont marry in they're early to late 20's find it difficult to find a decent rishta later on. I dont know how true it is, but i have seen some cases where families prefer the DIL to be of a much younger age as compared to the son whose prolly in the early to mid 30's. The demand is in for younger gals i think.
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It's also the fertility eggs; women are more fertile in their 20s than their 30s. It is hard on the womans body to conceive at 30 onwards. I know women have conceived at 65 but just a general rule my walkie talkies.
Can you hear me Now!!!! Goood
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Pathetic just PATHETIC!!!
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well ahmadjee, you’re absolutely right about this observation. Once the pressure of study is off, desi girls can only think of getting married…asap! I wonder why that is, but it is for sure that this phenomenon occurs. no matter how much they want to deny it. Even on GS such undertone exists in Life1-threads 
Re: Daughters
It is just the pressure of family that a girl have to marry early. Like other pplz say here.
And ive also heard if a girl is in her 25th and she is not married yet then its hard to
find a decent men, a friend of mine his friend is 25 and she get married now its nothing wrong with it for me but she refuse all the rishta's coz she did not like the guyz.
Now finally she get married in Pakistan but ive heard of my friend that she dont want to
marry that guy.
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i still dont get it…aik 25 sala doshiza koa aur kiya gham ho sakta hai parai kai baad…its only natural!..its true there r other distractions in life…u can do other stuff…but unless u have a high-paying job with associated perks n promotion prospects…there is barely anyting a female can get terribly enthusiatic abt and submerge herself in knowing it will pay off in the end…its so normal if nyone is worried…
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Oh stop it ghulail self pitying woman. One more reason for your hubby to come chat with me, so I show him how to work the ropes.
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acha?..........zaroor...........kia batain gai..........how u learnt abt wat nagging is first time in yr life on GS at age 40?
btw the above wasnt abt me......i m high-fliyng....... (discounting the time i spend here).....:D:
Re: Daughters
It is really sad how much pressure desi girls come under when it comes to marriage.. i mean people will make a million comments about this or that..and then int he next breathe will say But Rishtay are made in HEaven... I always questioned that...why get so stressed out if Allah has already decided this questionf or us all.. Why allow it to bother us and drive girls so insane??? But this is the desi nature....
It doesnt stop there..even once u have the ristha then this whole other can of worms opens up...whose ristha is better, where is the wedding going to be...who got a nicer ring.. its so tragic.... otherwise seemingly Normal and Healthy Desi girls go dumb !!!
And by chance if a girl so much as decides to attempt to have a life after school everyone takes a " Hiay Bechari look at her, just waiting to get married" I have a few desi friends who have made a conscious choice to remain single just because they think marriage is not for them...simple... but the fact that one is a really successful lawyer and another is a truly phenomenal and veryyyy successful artist dont matter...in the eyes of desi society they have failed....
I guess the hope is with Parents like Ahmadjee and others who hope to raise their daughters to be above this stuff...and live full and independant lives.....
S