Re: Daughters
^wats so full about it?
Re: Daughters
Ghulial,
If you believe that fullness can be recieved through marriage only, then thats a very narrow definition. Yes, I agree marraige is a great thing...and an important part of the life cycle...
But being married does not mean your life is full... Just take a look at the divorce rate in our 'desi' culture now.... its because those people do not spend anytime on themselves, and being happy with who they are... like you they believe fullness should be given to them and not something that can be attained by yourself.
So whats so full about their lives is that they are HAPPY, and that they are comfortable with who they are and are very aware of what they want from life...and are not afraid to go after that...
Re: Daughters
^ so how do u do it.........achieve fullness that is......... n i didnt say marriage fulfils u.....u extrapolated..........but seriously........do u know what these really mean, except for the float value of these:
those people do not spend anytime on themselves,
being happy with who they are,
whats so full about their lives is that they are HAPPY,
they are comfortable with who they are,
and are very aware of what they want from life,
and are not afraid to go after that.
listen life goes on........whatever u do, or dont do.........happy or sad, comfortable or uncomfortable, going for things or not.............what i dont understand is the emphasis of ppl to turn away from relationships towards external things.....external things can provide a lot of support yes.........but not all of it......at some point u need the fullness to be given to you without dressing up for it.
Re: Daughters
I am not emphasising that..I am simply saying that the choice should exist ..without negative connotation on one of the choices... I love being married and I truly believe my husband is my better half...
You ask me if I know the value of those words, I would say yes.....because I chose that path.... if you need fullness to be explained I dont think you can explain that... because its something you just feel....maybe I say that because I have been empty and now feel full... but it was something I worked hard to be able to feel...and Im not even afraid to admit that.... I got to empty by leaning on 'fullness that was given to me'
Perhaps you can not understand this, thats fine....all I am saying is that there is an alternative to the current pressurized way in which alot of girls are getting married in our culture.... There has to be...that is not to say everyone remain single or what not...but that marriage should be a choice that we make when we are ready for it...rather then something shoved down ur throat...and hey if you were able to marry happily..then thats awesome for you....
Re: Daughters
That reminds me, there are so many larkiyan in our family that I can see the scenerio whatever will happen in a few years. I'll have so many shadiyan to attend coz most of my cousins are younger than me sigh.
I think it's parents and girls fault. Parents should force their daughters to participate in other activities as well. Thank God my parents aren't like that. My amma does mention shadi sometimes but not all the time atleast and they dont make us feel that it's the only thing left for us in the end. Maybe they do sometimes, using a common phrase "shadi to karni hi parti hai phir"... and it's not even a farz, it's a sunnah. It is recommended for women to get married though instead of living her life alone and then might get into other "bad" stuff. You know how our society sees an unmarried woman so probably that's why.
Re: Daughters
Come on people. My boys are all under the age of 4 and already I worry about who they will marry. Its the BIGGEST thing that they will have in their lives...if you think about it. You spend the first 20 yrs as a student then you go out in the world for the rest of your life and marry// So for the most part of your life, you have this "partner". Better make a good choice. I will do everything I can to educate them about over-bearing women, greedy women etc etc. I want to CHOOSE for them but I wont - I will just do my very best to help them understand what is truly desirable and what is not. The very same should go for girls....I do not have a girl but I would ensure that 1. she can earn a living on her own if need be and 2. how to recognize the truly important qualities in a man. What else matters.
Re: Daughters
If you're gonna sit with your hands under your ass until sociey changes, you're gonna be waiting a long, long time. Hey you'll be dead by then. The problem with girls is that they don't take matters into their own hands. That's like a poor man saying I won't ever work because what use is it, I'll stay poor. So he'll never try.
Re: Daughters
There could be a million reasons for any given problem. No problem
goes away by itself either. Most of the people who talk in a community
about how someone's daughter is unmarried, widowed, divorced whatever
are women themselves. Men rarely talk about how a friend's daughter is **
**unmarried, or having marital problems, and if they do, such kind are not
men to start with. The problem with girls is they'll blame society, they'll
blame parents, they'll blame their upbringing, yet they'll still promote this
"my-daughter-needs-to-get-married-at-puberty" ideology by letting all this
nonsense talk get to them and by sitting, waiting
for the prince charming to swing by on a flying pegasus. Get on with life.
There's so much more to life if one doesn't waste it on waiting for
Mr. Perfect. There is no Mr. Perfect or Miss Perfect. Learn to love
and hope for imperfect people who your kindness and care could make
*into a better person. Belief in yourself and have a higher self respect. *
Re: Daughters
I like your signature love, it makes a lot of sense.
Re: Daughters
Yes it's there for the ones who can spend their time reading it.
Re: Daughters
Its looks like desi parents are more upset about rishta's then think about there kidz school & future. Only thing they can think about is Marriage. Thats so sad, coz its looks like after school/college they have to marry nothing else, Larkiyaan ke future yehi hote hai.
I dont wanna do this if i've a daughter.I thought she have to finish her school and then we will see what happend Shadi sab kuch nahi hote hai zindagi mein.
Re: Daughters
I don't know about the girls here, but I've only recently started giving some serious thought to the issue. Mainly because I'm at a transition point in my life, and I'll be making some tough decisions soon enough with regards to career. So, obviously, I'm trying to think ahead and try to ensure some semblance of happiness in my life in the long run.
But even as a school girl back in the day, topics such as marriage and children and husbands do come up quite often. I think more so than with guys.
For me, the reason behind that was definitely not my parents. My parents refuse to talk about marriage, claiming that I need to worry about my parhai first. Which is definitely odd, and yet a blessing. Rather, I think its the Pakistani dramas that got the idea of rishtas etc into my head.
Just be careful of what you let your daughters watch on TV. Desi culture doesn't enter our minds just thru parents. Hindi movies, and Pakistani dramas play a major role. (Hindi movies more so, because I see loads of Pakistani movies opposing the trend to be dreamy of marriage as a girl)
Re: Daughters
Pc thank god ur parents are not like that 
thats good 
And yea it could be the hindi/paki drama’s opposing the trend that a
girl dream about marriage. I know koi koi larkiyaan ko bhi chaldi parjate hai
ke mere shaadi jaldi hojai :S
Re: Daughters
It’s farz. Shut up, and go drink your coffee 
.
Re: Daughters
Well, if you see enough Indian actresses playing the role of the strong and bossy career women (who always wear those miniskirts!) turn into the proper sari-clad gharwali (now in absolute bliss because she gets to make dinner for Amir Khan...)...
Seriously, what young girls don't realize is that females seem happier and confident after marriage, not because they are now WOMEN or this is the proper way of things...but because they are
having sex - its all about the hormones really
they have someone to boss around - and they know that the liklihood is that this one isn't going to leave them, so just keep on bossing!
Otherwise, life is the same after and before marriage - the difference is that now your roommate is a husband.
Re: Daughters
Family and society pressure, nothing else I swear!!!
Re: Daughters
PC, thats only if they are having GOOD SEX!!!
Re: Daughters
God, our grandmothers were married off at age 14 and having babies right away. Back in those days it was enough to just find anyone for your daughter. Now girls themselves have such high hopes and romantic notions. Will I find my soulmate? Will he sing in the rain to me. I'm sure movies and popular culture have spoiled our young brains into wishful thinking. Meanwhile parents also expect...a doctor, engineer, good family, religious boy. The generation gap between girls and parents makes it harder because can a girl really trust her parents to choose her life partner? Expectations have changed. A girl is not satisfied just being someone's wife. She wants the whole package and then some more. Many girls I know are well educated, have lived life and are not naive when it comes to relationships. But everyone wants find Mr.Right.
Re: Daughters
Just shunning the notion that its a bad thing in our society wont help anything.. there should be a balance in approach to all our concerns.. pressure from family and society can be a motivating force since without pressure sometimes there isnt that will or vigor..The problem will remain as long as we will going to judge girls for their outer appearences.. and not the person. Ironically, the things in our culture that we despise to ; we actually look forward when the case arises for our own sons.. color of skin, height and other characteristics are the main focus of our attention..
On other side parents of the girls sometimes delay good rishtas for hope of finding someone really special.. i have seen many girls getting old due to fact that they had rejected very good chaces of getting married when they were bent upon things like career etc. There is always a time for everthing and marriage should be a priority at appropriate age..
Re: Daughters
I dont know about that. How would you justify society pressure in a family settled in UK or US or europe? I think this stems from our culture. I mean indians have setup brides too.