Okay, I was just reading hmcq’s thread about aging parents and that got me thinking, actually I always wondered about it…
A couple who has daughters only and no son, who would take care of them when they retire (since usually it’s the sons’ “responsibility” in our desi culture)?
Are today’s desi men willing to move out of their parents’ home to move in with their Sasuraal Waale as a Ghar-Jamayi/Daamaat?
If so, then how do others in the community view this as? Good? Bad? Is the guy seen as a na-mard or something? (Not that society should matter when in these matters but just wondering…)
Also, if there’s anybody that can relate to this situation, if they can share their experiences here it will be greatly appreaciated.
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You are expecting too much from these no good men, don't ya think honey?
Most men would hate the idea of moving to their wife's parents home or bringing them home permanently. And thus I think women should also take a similar stance and not live with teh in laws after they get married.
i would compare this situation of ‘daughters only’ to ‘sons who dont care about their parensts’ totally…
i mean i have seen ghur-baar where parents are aged and their sons and daugters are married off…but no one live with them…not even their sons and buhowien……and their aching for soem company and someone to cook for them etc…isnt this the same as having ‘daughters only’ and ‘sons behaving badly’?..
very few couple…whom are good from heart would sacrifice to live with their in-laws…but aaj kul jisko bhi dekhou upna bori bistra band raha hei……how evil and mean…
I'd like to quote an excerpt from PCG's signature...
I think its something like, "I believe in fantasy creatures...dragons, and good men..."
Yeah I do :p
I think a good guy won't have a problem having his wife's parents in the house if they did not have sons to take care of them. He doesn't have to be a ghar jamaai. And I know its looked down at in our culture but if the couple has a really good understanding and is itself okay with it, I don't see anything wrong with a ghar-jamai...I know of cases such as the one described in this thread where people had daughers only and had ghar-jamais and those guys are perfectly self-respecting hard working men. I respect them for having looked beyond cultural stereotypes to help their wives' zaeef parents.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Chandbeti: *
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You are expecting too much from these no good men, don't ya think honey?
Most men would hate the idea of moving to their wife's parents home or bringing them home permanently. And thus I think women should also take a similar stance and not live with teh in laws after they get married.
[/QUOTE]
i dont think this thread is refering to ghar damads. there is nothing wrong in having the girls' retired parents living with the couple if there are no sons to take care of them. i have seen this happening when the father of the girl passes away and there are no sons to support the mother, the mother stays with the daughter, son-in-law, and grand kids. nothing wrong with it... its only human nature to wanna take care of parents, considering all the hardships they must have faced to raise their children. :)
i think the son in law should step in then... my mumani doesnt have any brothers, and she has 7 married sisters... out of all the son in laws, my mamu stepped up and took the responsibility of my mumani's parents.. he got them an apt right next to theirs.. ghar jamai bhi nahi.. aur dekh bhaal bhi hogayi :)
I was having this conversation with someone the other day. He told me that he wouldnt want to support a mother-in-law if she was a widow, if she had sons that could look after her and care for her. Even if the mother in law didnt want to live with sons for whatever reason he still felt she should live with them, and not be his financial responsibility.
Interesting. What happens in situations where the sons are jerks and simply do not care about their parents' well being enough to actually live with them? I would want to look after my parents. If my hubby had a problem with that, then there would be an obvious rift.
I know of two examples where the sons really don't care about their widow mothers. The mothers live alone. The sons just phone occassionally but never actually come to visit. Both are in other countries, so you think they would send a plane ticket for their mothers' to come and visit? Nope. The two in question are too selfish. In situations like that, it has been the daughters' who have stepped up to the plate and taken care of the situation as best as they can. Fortuantely, the men who are married to the daughters are very understanding and encourage supporting their mother-in-law.
In my experience, daughters have taken care of their parents more than the sons. In the middle class of Pakistan the trend is changing and sons don't always live with their parents anymore. And as the parents grow old daughters tend to get involved in their lives more than sons for many different reasons.
IMO, there is nothing wrong with asking your in-laws to move in with you. And if you have to move in with them, there shouldn't be any problem.
my friends hubby moved from US to here to live with his inlaws for about a year or more.. good on him! i know of a family who have two sons and a daughter, built a huuuge house for their fam and now none of the kids live with them nor talk to them.. disgusting honestly.. i dont understand teh problem of todays generation.. and guys who give their wives full power..
i hope i get to live with the inlaws and somewhere near my parents place.. as parents get older they really do need their kids around.. my bro will be living with my parents once he's married.. but i'd still like to be nearby so that i can help my mum out and talk to my dad... daughters have a very different relationship with parents
Most men would love for their parents to live with them in the same household alongwith his wife and children. The problem is that some Mothers-in-law and Daughters-in-law do NOT get along with each other. Their verbal fights create a headache for the man who is not only a son but also a husband and may be a father. In order to avoid such situations, men abandon their parents. In such situations the man is between a rock and hard place. He has no choice but to abandon one.
With education and modernization, less and less of such saas-bahoo crap exists. I am sure MOST men would love for the parents, In-laws and his family to live peacefully under the same roof but MOST women don't let this to happen.
i dont think even education solves the problem... i see so many educated households with problems with the sons totally abandoning the parents.. and yeah i do blame women too.. a mother should learn to share her son with the daughter in law.. and the DIL should understand that her hubby did/does have another woman in his life (his mother)
im sorry but u can't blame a woman for the problems... either the mother or the bahu... i see it like this.. a woman gives birth to a son.. she brings him up educates him yada yada... then he gets married... would u expect the son to be faithful to the mother or the new woman in his life? if there are problems between a bahu and a saas.. and if the son moves out cuz of these probs... why is the bahu blamed? why not the son who couldnt stand up to his wife? why must teh parents be left alone just cuz the wifey cant get along? why isnt it the other way around? (im not talkin bout cases where the mother in laws are pshycho)... normal cases... saas bahu kay tho jhagray hothay rehtay hai.. i dont think its healthy to take sides at all (for the hubby)... hehe in our household.. new wives are told... if u have a fight iwth the mother.. u solve it between ureselves.. dont bother the men.. fights still occur but soon die down since there is no "beta usnay mujhay yeh kaha... usko kuch bolo" and "sunay.. mein apki maa ne yeh kaha.. aap kuch bolay" .. fights actually escalate when men are brought in cuz then they take sides.. then its a whole new story...
men should stay outta it... play it safe :)
…and their aching for soem company and someone to cook for them etc…isnt this the same as having ‘daughters only’ and ‘sons behaving badly’?..
…how evil and mean…