Daughter-In-Law's Money

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: Daughter-In-Law's Money

Proto they would have to prise my jewellery from my cold dead hands :p

22

Re: Daughter-In-Law's Money

In my family and my in laws, salami belongs to bride and groom. In fact I was strictly advised by my late Mil (May she rest in peace), that I should quickly buy some gold before the money gets spent on useless stuff here and there.:D She actually accompanied me to place an order for some jewellery and I got that.
However there's a difference in thought process. My in laws side monitors who gave what and reciprocates accordingly. It was the same on my parents side too, some decades ago. But my paternal grandfather who happened to be an aalim, kept advising against it. So my generation was taught not to monitor who gives what and accept whatever someone gives and value it. Also, we were taught to give gifts according to our own affordability and without thinking if the other party gave a more/ less expensive gift.

According to this, parents have no right to keep salami/ eidi/ gift money etc. which is given to children. Please note, it's what we practice and think as right for us. But it really doesn't mean that I am condemning what other people do. :)

23

Re: Daughter-In-Law’s Money

I think my family/relatives have the same tradition as you. My mum told me years ago when I get married, any money I get from guests i’ll have to hand to her cause “she has been giving money to those guests weddings and now she’s getting the money back”. So in essence it’s apparently going around circles, which to me personally doesn’t make any sense.

I was like say wahhh, and we got into an argument.. but whatever. This is not a tradition i’ll be carrying onto my children.

If I go to a friends wedding and give him a £200 present/cash. I wouldn’t expect him to give me the same gift or present. It’s just what I felt happy with giving at the time. Even in 20ys when I go to loads of weddings and give them money/presents and those same people come to my childrens wedding. I wouldn’t say to my children any money you get from the people I know I want back cause i’ve given them money over the last 20years and it’s them giving my money back. What aload of crock.

#reallifeproblems](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=reallifeproblems)

24

Re: Daughter-In-Law's Money

I am getting a little confused, are we talking about the gifts given on the day of the reception and wedding events or separately at a dinner party afterwards? I think it differs from family to family but I can see both sides. CB is correct in my opinion but what a generous FIL she had who instated she keep the money if it was from the valima day. My parents kept the money from the wedding day and I expected my husbands family who did the same to keep it swell. But if we are talking about small lump sums of cash given afterwards at party then why wouldn't we keep it? I mean, I did. Best to ask hubby but for those small amounts I would hope most wouldn't turn it into a petty issue.

25

Re: Daughter-In-Law's Money

Lol dil bara karo larki..its just a metal !!! :D

26

Re: Daughter-In-Law's Money

I dont think OP is talking about salaami money, she's talking about money people give when they first come to visit the new DIL after wedding in her susral. I think if someone is handing the money to the DIL in that scenario, the money should be for DIL, not MIL.

27

Re: Daughter-In-Law's Money

.

28

Re: Daughter-In-Law’s Money

wow v interesting perspectives and definitely new to me.
i thought/was told that money given to the couple at weddings was theirs to keep … its sort of like their seed money to get them started and help with their wedding expenses. ofcourse the premise here is that the groom finance most of his wedding expenses (with some help from parents) …
the bride though isn’t expected to finance her wedding and her parents are to just kinds suck it up and spend spend spend away their life savings … :halo:

29

Re: Daughter-In-Law's Money

depends...

if the salaamii is under 10 then let MIL have it...if more than that then the bride/groom keeps it! :)

30

Re: Daughter-In-Law's Money

You are spot on, that is exactly what I was talking about.

However I am a guy, not a girl.

31

Re: Daughter-In-Law's Money

How I've always seen/heard is that money given as salami on the baraat day and Valima are kept by respective parents. Anything given at dawats that follow or first house visits is meant for the DIL and kept by the DIL.

I do have to say though.......on wedding days if the bride's or groom's personal friends gave money/gifts, that wasn't given to the parents. Usually the parent's friends/family/aquantaincess' salami parent's keep.

Not entirely sure though, would have to ask my parents for confirmation.

According to our family customs, in the scenario the OP mentioned the money should go to the DIL not MIL. But why does the person even hand the money to the MIL? My mom always gives the money directly to the bride. Maybe in their social circle In-Law's do keep the money, hence why the money was handed over to the MIL.

32

Re: Daughter-In-Law's Money

You guys need to get married to memons. The girls get lots of gifts and jewelry and there is certainly no expectation that the mother in law gets that jewelry. Never heard of such a thing.

33

Re: Daughter-In-Law’s Money

^ :rotfl:

Better yet, marry Afghans. In our culture, the bride gets loads of jewellery and gifts with no expectation that they go to mum-in-law, there is no gift giving to inlaws, and the entire costs of the wedding are covered by the guy. :smiley:

34

Re: Daughter-In-Law's Money

Well isn't that what's supposed to happen in Islam anyway?

I don't get the "i'm such a goody two shoes bahu" attitude. I mean, if they tell you to hand over your kid and get the heck out, I guess people would bend over and allow themselves to be booted out on the road, as long as amma jee gets her way.

Maybe it's just me, but when I didn't get any gifts, and my parents didn't get any gifts, not even zam zam paani or mithai or anything from the opposing side, we immediately ended the talks.

Gifts go to the girl. Period.

35

Re: Daughter-In-Law's Money

You make it sound like Hamas v/s Israel. :(

36

Re: Daughter-In-Law's Money

Because Aunty jee wants MIL to know that she is giving money and how much, so naxt taime whan there is biryani ki dawaat, she will be invaited, or at least be sent soam.

37

Re: Daughter-In-Law's Money

I guess this is another thread on the poor bechari bahu and the evil in-laws , correct ? so easy to come on a forum and pretend you were born yesterday. Carry on

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Daughter-In-Law's Money

But why would money from a reception hosted by the parents go to the couple..in the case that guys/girls parents paid to host the Valima or reception? I mean it's the parents throwing a reception not the actual couple in most cases and most attendants are the guests of the parents not the kids...

Dawats are different. But PCG, I don't know maybe it's just me not being familiar with memon culture but that just sounds outright absurd to me. Clearly there were other issues from your posts with that rishta. However, had the family been really nice and your parents all got along rosey and they still hadn't given you even water, you would have potentially ruined a perfectly good rishta over it? Seriously? Sounds really weird and cray to me.

39

Re: Daughter-In-Law's Money

What usually happens is that if people hand the money to the DIL she keeps it otherwise if it's given to the in laws they keep it. But both sides should not expect the other side to hand it over. Sure it's nice if they do, but better not to make an issue over it.

40

Re: Daughter-In-Law's Money

S and S the money is gifted to the couple not the in laws, hence that money is kept by the couple.