Daughter-In-Law's Money

[Chicken_Biryani]

Re: Daughter-In-Law’s Money

@S_and_S

I honestly don’t think its a big deal. I knew less than half of the people at my wedding and quite honestly people were there because of their relationship to my parents not to me so I did not think twice about it nor did I think about it that way. I did not have an extravagant wedding either so I think it differs from family to family but I really don’t see it as people taking someone else’s gifts, not when in its in a reception scenario. Had my parents been less active in the wedding and I had payed for my own wedding then yeah only then would I expect it but even though my husband paid for our valima, he still gave his dad the money that came directly from his guests. I don’t see it as taking someone else’s gifts, it just sounds more practical and honest in my opinion because had I done a wedding my way, majority of our guests would have been cut because they weren’t invited on my preference. I think money given directly to you from your actual friends is one thing or even in a less formal setting which seems was what the op really meant, then yeah that is strange to me. The wedding scenario isn’t at all when its like a mutual decision.

Agreed . I think when we say “taking someone else’s gift” , the first thing is to determine why they think that gift is their’s . That is what we are talking about here. Those who are well versed with the Pakistani culture, will know lena dena plays a major role in relationships there , to keep it all fair between themselves.

We have seen a varied response even in this thread. So we cant really say who is right or wrong. Also to add , that the money is not for the parents to pay for the meal costs. I will give an example: we have three weddings at different times in our family, Phupo XYZ gave £1000 each time. Now there is a shadi in her family, we need to be fair in gifting her either accordingly or better if we can afford.

Its a bit of a complex gifting system, which varies from family to family. That is why , its best to depend on the spouse to find out what the custom is in their family and move forward accordingly.