Re: Dating non-muslim girls
True cultural double standards against women start from birth to age of marriage and beyond. From education, to work after marriage, to saas-bahu dramas. Religion never condones it. It is cultural and often enforced not just by some guys but also women. There are also quite a few guys who are against these double standards but when they see some women dismiss it they must also wonder why they should say anything against it. I am not sure why the mother-in law would be against her daughter in law working when she really wants to or setting some arbitrary age for a daughter in law. It may be because of jealousy, because they were deprived of those opportunities and now they want to continue this cycle or maybe they don’t want their daughter in law to achieve more than the daughter. I don’t think an educated mother in law, who has worked, will think the same otherwise it will be hypocritical. As for dating and why desi guys in the west might date outside their group and not date desi girls or from different religious background I think it is a number of reasons. Desi guys are generally more promiscuous then most desi girls (not to offend desi guys but this is the truth as I am sure it is with many other racial backgrounds). They are willing to date, have premarital sex but generally may not commit/marry the girl at that time or straightaway. Some exceptions may exist. However, most desi girls are not willing to do the same because of religious reasons and they know the double standards. That even if they believe the guy will eventually commit what if he doesn’t and leaves her for a girl of his mother’s choice who is from back home, young and supposedly “never had a relationship.” I know of girls who have been dumped by guys because they would not engage in pre-marital sexual relationships and I never have and will put myself in that situation of dating a guy. They are devastated especially when they find the guy has moved on to someone else. If a guy likes a girl enough he should be able to propose and marry her not insist she breaks her rules for him. I don’t believe this try and buy idea that some guys say- that you need to have a long or live-in relationship, and know each other completely before marriage. If it’s true love then it shouldn’t matter. People’s appearances and bodies change with age all the time and if someone says that they are basically saying if with time you change they might not be interested. So if a spouse gets injured, has an accident and they are not same as before , does that mean you leave them? No, marriage means lifelong commitment. I think desi guys probably have issues with desi girls- the emphasis on job, status over the person’s character and personality. I have heard sad stories that male friends I have made online have told me of girls leaving a guy they dated to marry someone their parents approve etc which I don’t agree with either. If you’re going to date a guy who wants to marry you, you should try to make your parents see your side and if the guy is a good guy and you have common beliefs then he shouldn’t be dismissed because of just job, or racial background.