OK, this is a peeve of mine, actually it’s more than a peeve, it really pis5es me off. The attitude that dad’s are there to go out and provide for the family and come home and spend a few minutes disciplining their child and then go off to read the newspaper.
So many threads here are started with “Hey, moms, I need help” or “Let’s get together moms” or “Mom’s, let’s have a play date” or “Moms, advice needed”. What, are dads useless? I don’t know how it is in most houses but in my house and most of my friends’ house, the dads are just as involved with raising our kids as the moms are. We change diapers, we take them on play dates, we get together in the park with other parents, we spend hours playing with them, yes, we do more dad things with them but still spend a LOT of time with them, getting to know them.
Just drives me crazy! So here’s my shout out to other dads who feel the same way. Come in here, share your stories, tell us what drives you nuts and how you like to spend time with your kids.
I HATE:
Hearing this at the grocery store when I’m out with my daughter “Oh, babysitting today huh?”, and I’m thinking “NO ***** THIS IS CALLED RAISING YOUR CHILD!”
Parenting articles and magazines and other artifacts are targeted towards moms, and when magazines like Parenting DO mention dads, it’s in the context of “oh that silly dad, what did he f**k up now” and it is usually accompanied by a picture of a frazzled dad with the house a complete mess and baby in just a diaper destroying everything. This kind of subtle nonsense propagates the image that dad’s are not good parents.
When people assume that I’m spending time with my daughter that it is because I HAVE to and that mom is not around, no a$$hole, I LIKE spending time with my daughter and there are times when I just want a turn with her.
I LOVE:
Doing dad things with my daughter, we will spend hours in the park looking for/at bugs. She IS very girly though, sometimes she will watch the bugs and other times she will go “eeeek” and run away.
Taking my kid with me when I run errands. She makes errands fun because everything is such a new experience for her, she loves putting letters in the mailbox, she loves holding the little plastic bags open at the grocery store as I put vegetables in them, she loves handing the credit card to the checkout person, she loves all the mundane things that we have to do on a daily basis, bless her.
Teaching my kid things that dads teach, like how to set up an a-frame tent or a dome tent, how to tie up bowline knot, how to rake leaves and then jump in them.
Telling my kid stories at bedtime that do NOT involve princes and princesses.
Watching Lord of the Rings with her once in a while instead of the usual princess crap.
Doing silly walks with her no matter where we are, it’s important because we are employees of the ministry of silly walks.
Sadly aahmed, not many dads in our culture spend so much time with their children. My husband is also a very “active” parent. He can come speak for himself, but I love the relationship he has with his girls. MashaAllah. Some of the things he does for them:
Drops them off to their bus stop 3 days a week because he wants to kiss them goodbye and hold their hands and give them the confidence they so need.
Takes them on fun activities such as wall climbing/rock climbing, roller coasters, and other stuff that mom’s too chicken to do
Fixes them meals HE enjoys so they develop a variety of taste.
Buys them non-fiction books so they think outside the box.
Watches Survivorman and History/National Geographic documentaries, again so they develop a good general knowledge.
Even picks out outfits for them without me being around.
Teaches them how to use nifty gadgets and fix stuff around the house. Great help for mom I tell ya
etc etc…
He’s not a “filler” parent that just watches his kids when mom isn’t around.
u r a wonderful dad, but as Niksik said majority of desi dads dont do this kind o fstuff at all. what my husband do is take them to park on weekend, and he does do silly plays with them at home. and thats all he will never help with their homework, meal, etc etc. "yeh mera kaam nahi" these r his words if i ask him to do something. home becomes a complete mess when i am out and he is home with kids. he would answer" ohhh i did not noticed they were making mess" , bcz either he would be sleeping or watching tv.
ahhhhh i have a long list , anyway nothing ca be done now.
I partially blame women who keep telling their children "jab aboo ayan gaye tu" hence keeping the dad as a disciplinarian only!
My husband has never been a typical husband.. he has been my partner who helped in the kitchen, laundry, cleaning, fixing the car, ect etc We are expecting our first one in November and just the way my husband has been througout the pregnancy I can imagine nothing but a great father from him! He is already talking about taking turns for night duties.. I have a feeling it will be mostly him though :D
Not to mention the questions he asked at the child birth class and the things he already knew (he actually reads "what to expect when you are expecting" word by word with me and keeps tabs on the baby center updates) so it wasn't strange how a desi guy knew a lot more about child birth than the goras out there!!
Spiral.. my husband isn't a stay at home husband but the way he is involved in the house, you would think he is one!!! I dont think aahmed is a stay at home dad either.. just involved in his kids like any working mom will be or should be!
My husband is almost the same as you in many aspects of raising our daughter. He is more involved with her and gets more creative when they are playing together, its amazing. She cannot wait till he gets home and then i cannot get a word in of anything for atleast 30 mins because there is so much jumping and shor sharaba going on, they both arent aware of my existence. He takes her to the masjid for namaz, takes her to run errands, check the mail etc. He gets more concerned about her if she isnt eating. The only thing he DOESNT do is change diapers. he even puts her to bed. So all in all, not everyone is a desi cookie cutter dad. My own abbu was and still is very involved with all of us, not a typical dad. Even my husband and BIL say he is totally different than his generation out there. Alhamdulillah for both of them!
“yee tu uth ker pani bhi nahi peetay. Zarorat bhi kia hai”
If you ask me about most memorable time of my life, I’d probably tell u about 2 years or so when i was stay-at-home dad by choice and not by circumstances. Time that I had with my kids in those 2 years was just unmatched. We had potty accidents, we did bf together, cooked together, eat together, went to parks, libraries and what not.
Mom got so jealous with dad-daughter fun that she decided to stay at home and pushed me back to job cycle.
Most women like to be martyrs, hence the "yeh to paani bhi nahi leytey" or when someone sees their hubbies vacuum, they say :"he's only doing it today."
Most women like to be martyrs, hence the "yeh to paani bhi nahi leytey" or when someone sees their hubbies vacuum, they say :"he's only doing it today."
:D
eik jecktly
here is another one
"XXXX bhai sai keyun kam kara rahi ho, mujhey bataoo kia kerna hai"
hello?? XXXX bhai is host and you are guest. XXX bhai k hath paoon nahi ghiiis jaeen gaai help kara ker.
I am not a stay at home dad, I have honestly considered it. But I think some people have touched on this, maybe it's not just to do with children, maybe it's the overall attitude of "Men should go work and the woman should do everything at home". If I think about it, I do my own laundry, I don't like the way begum folds my chaddis, I cook as much as begum, I clean as much as begum, I do HER laundry when she's feeling lazy. On weekends I let her be lazy and do everything.
As far as spending time with my child, it's just something I cherish because I know one day she'll grow up and leave us :( When I started this thread, look at the time, EARLY in the morning because little lady decided to wake up early, so I let begum sleep and I fed her some dahi, she claimed she was hungry and then I sang her some songs, and we did some tickles, and then when she laid back down, I wanted to make sure she didn't wake up again so I sat in my office and opened this thread :D
The reason I ask ahmed if he is a stay at home dad or not is because what he mentioned he does for her daughter, a lot of other men do too. My husband who is super busy does more than I do for our son. He spends most of his time at home with our kiddo. He takes him out. Ever since my son is born, I don't remember even once holding him when we are out, that's my husband's job. He is obsessed with our son. So I know ahmed has mentioned this same thing so so so many times, I just wanted to ask him why does he complain so much when there is so many other men out there doing the same. My husband does not care what others think about him taking care of his son. He doesn't even notice I think all the things ahmed mentioned.. oh they stare and this and that. My husband is not great at helping me out with other things at home, but when it comes to our son, he is the one who wakes up at night when my son needs it, he wakes up early for him. I remember when my son was born, my husband is the one who fed him for the first time since I wasn't able to breast feed or even see him because the hospital thought I was too sick to go to NICU. Ahemd bhai needs to just find a reson to complain about what other think about his role as a dad! Simple
Spiral, what I'm complaining about is the general sense out there that dads are not involved parents. I have seen that bias over and over again and THAT is what makes me mad. I don't care whether other dads are involved or not, what I DO care about is that I think it is high time that society in general starts to take dads seriously as contributing parents.
But I think "our society", if you are talking about desi society has a stronger role of a dad than the society we live in. We never take our kids for granted like umm others do. We are serious about their lives and their future. My dad wasn't much involved with a lot of things we did at home or our entertainment but he worked several jobs to pay for our school, save for our future and give us a better life. You don't always have to change diapers to be qualifed as the best dad in the world. My dad is the best dad for all what he did for us. Yeah he didn't change diapers, or took us out for walks or to the park or played with us. He didn't have time. He did work in -30 temperature to provide us a nice house, good education. My mom who stayed at home for the most time, did all the things you've mentioned for us and we love both our parents just as much.
I think what aahmed is trying to say is that why do people and even media always direct parenting queries and suggestions and promotions towards moms and not dads. For example, a Parenting mag usually will have an article like "Working Moms: How to manage time" or "Tips for busy moms." Society assumes that moms are the active caregivers and dads aren't...aahmed is looking for a change in this thought process.
^ Yeah I don't think he is actively seeking appreciation for what he does for his child! He just wants dads to be acknowledged and addressed when it comes to parenting issues.
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