Okay guys I have a bit of an issue, I wish hoping to keep this anonymous but unfortuantly I can’t do that so I might aswell explain it here. My mother passed away last year, and ever since my father has kind of been struggling to maintain the house and my brothers and sister, I have 4 younger siblings, all of which are under the age of 15, it’s hard on him, he tries his best and stuff but he says that he needs help maintaining and needs support. So he says that perhap I should get married young (Arrange of course), I’m not happy about it, but he’s struggling, and it’s either me who gets married, or my father and if my father was to get married, it would kill me and my younger siblings inside, problem is I’m not even a full adult yet, I haven’t even experienced love yet (lol), not even had a girlfriend yet but now soon it’s comtemplating me getting married, my other family members ‘joke’ about it, but I think some are serious, I don’t wish to get married, but if I do I’ll make sure my sibling never have to face the marriage young. My father thinks a girl would be good support, although we are in the West, let’s be real, it’s in our a culture, but I rather have a normal life, not a cultural one.
What do you guys think I should do, please be honest. Do you agree with my father sentiment or should I do something else?
Re: Dad wants me to get married young, family members don’t disagree…
Are you 16?
Wouldn’t it be easier all round if your father were to remarry? Not that getting married so the household can be looked after is exactly the best reason but I’m not seeing how a young son marrying would be better?
Even if you did listen to your dad and went ahead how much is a young bride going to be able to handle (assuming she even wants the responsibility)
Re: Dad wants me to get married young, family members don’t disagree…
First of all OP, I am extremely sorry for your mother’s loss!! Second, aren’t you only 16? So even if you were to get married, let’s say at the age of 18, the girl will be the same age or younger than you, how can she take on the responsibility of a mother figure for all of your younger siblings? Girls at that age are still dreamers, doesn’t seem right to put such a huge responsibility on a young girl. I feel like it would make it harder for you too because you would have to deal with full blown responsibilities of marriage and take care of your siblings at the same time, doesn’t make any sense.
Re: Dad wants me to get married young, family members don’t disagree…
Girls these days don’t have a clue what to do in a kitchen or household chores. If your dad’s expecting to put his feet up after the new bride comes in he’s in for a shock. Chances are he’s going to get another mouth to feed all by himself and if he really really resists and expects her to do all the household chores then she’s going to pack up and leave with or without you even if she’s a whiz in the kitchen. So your situation is going to be worse than you anticipated if you go along with your dad’s plans. Better divide up household chores among the kids and give your dad some peace and quiet for regular intervals because he’s not thinking right in his exhaustion.
And beware for the future as well. Even if you’d been 35 getting married to a wife the same age it would have still been a disaster because no girl wants to be a substitute maid. You’ll end up having to choose between her and your family.
Re: Dad wants me to get married young, family members don’t disagree…
First of all, sorry for you mom’s loss. Inna lillah.
So as per you if you arent adult yet, then there is not even a question about you getting married. Your dad is definitely the one who seems to be the right option. Besides there is nothing wrong in it.
Ofcourse noone can replace your mom. But it can make the equation right. It looks wierd to you and your siblings cuz its obviously a new and different thing and very touchy feeling but who knows your new mom turn out to be a great addition to the family.
Re: Dad wants me to get married young, family members don’t disagree…
My condolences, iA you and the family are able to overcome this.
how old are you even?
why doesn’t your Dad get remarried? after all not all step-mothers are evil if that’s what your worrying about, since clearly your dad is the one struggling the most.
If you are actually 16 then that’s too young! Would you be getting married to a 14 - 16 year old??
You need to be focusing on your education! Do you have any auntie’s or uncles a grandma or any other relatives that can help you time to time? imo, getting married so young would not be beneficial at all. would the girl you marry not also be in education or what not?
Re: Dad wants me to get married young, family members don’t disagree…
Nothing wrong getting married unless you aren’t old enough and can’t take care (financially,emotionally) of a wife like a good husband. If the idea for you to get married is to bring in a house maid type of person, then DONT get married for sure!
If the idea for you to get married is to have someone to look after your younger siblings, then your dad should remarry, not you.
If you are unable to marry and support a wife keeping her and yourself in dignity, then all you siblings need to pitch in to support your dad in his struggles. Own the problems and divide the responsibilities amongst yourselves. I understand its hard. My cousins just lost a father, and none of them are over 12, the youngest is 2. So there are people who share your experiences and even tougher circumstances.
Don’t go towards, porn, drugs, girls to escape your problems, and make sure you all are there for each other so none of your siblings finds escape into those filthy habits. Stay close!
Re: Dad wants me to get married young, family members don’t disagree…
That’s exactly what happened to one of my classmates. After his mother passed away, his father married him ( he was 19 though) and 3 months after his marriage, his father married too. Turns out his father somehow did my feel getting married while his adult son was single (wierd).
I hink ink your dad is planning the same thing.
However, there is something called domestic help, u don’t need to get a wife just for the chores, that’s absurd. Secondly get over this thing of him getting married will break you from inside, let him get married again.
Re: Dad wants me to get married young, family members don’t disagree…
I think your father is hinting at getting you all a new mother, not actually concerned about getting you married young. Or maybe he wants you married first before getting hitched himself. What age are you?
Re: Dad wants me to get married young, family members don’t disagree…
yes sorry for your loss, so sad to lose your mother so young
so the main help your dad needs is looking after your siblings, therefore he thinks the options are to either get a daughter-in-law who he assumes will look after the fam or get another wife to help him look after?
like someone else said, you getting married does not guarantee that he will get help, its most likely he won’t. why would any girl from this generation willingly marry and move in to help look after your family.
so you need to explain to your dad that this option is not plausible and the option of him taking a 2nd wife will break your heart. the only other option is for you to offer to help out more to look after your siblings, even though that is not fair on you. also are you a muslim? if you are why are you talking about taking a girlfriend??
Re: Dad wants me to get married young, family members don’t disagree…
Like others have said, it would be far better to get a stepmom, then for you to marry when you’re too young.
I get that right now, you and your siblings may resent the idea of your dad remarrying and bringing into the home a woman who will “replace” your mother. But years from now, when insh’Allah you and your siblings are well-settled, you’ll realize that your father deserved to have a companion to share his joys and sorrows with. Don’t close yourself to the possibility of a stepmother, and not just so that your household will benefit from a woman’s touch, but also for your father and your own sake.
That being said, the women should be open-minded and want to become part of your existing family - no wicked stepmother needed.
I know of a group of siblings whose mom passed away from the kids were in their early to late teens, and unfortunately while this woman was the making of the family (she helped them financially and as a homemaker), the kids never warmed to her. Not because she was a bad person (in fact quite the opposite, she’s a lovely person), but because none of the kids could separate their feelings for her as an individual to their resentment over their dad’s quick remarriage.
Re: Dad wants me to get married young, family members don’t disagree…
Does he want you to marry a cousin? Cause that would be the most likely way of getting a girl to take on the responsibility.. factoring in the age and that other family members don’t disagree..
Re: Dad wants me to get married young, family members don’t disagree…
Dragon, think about this rationally. You are 16. Let’s say you marry a girl right now who is 16/17…do you really think a girl this age can take over the household duties AND manage caring for your 4 younger siblings? Do you think it’s realistic (or even fair) to put this type of responsibility on a girl this age even IF her parents agree to it?
Even IF a girl herself agrees to it…odds are she will fail. And then your father will bring up the idea of HIM getting marriage b/c your wife can’t handle all the responsibilities. As others have mentioned, the point here is that sooner or later…with 4 kids this young…your father needs to get married since obviously you guys don’t have other family members helping.
I am sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine the pain you and your siblings must feel. Unfortunately sometimes you have to make painful decisions because that’s what best for EVERYONE. There is no need for you to be the sacrificial lamb here. No woman will ever replace your mother. However, you and your siblings need to allow your dad to re-marry again so that another ADULT woman can come into the house and help take care of you guys. You and your siblings needs a care-taker and your father also needs a companion. This is a painful realization but your father re-marrying really is the best option for everyone involved.
At this point, you and your siblings need to tell your father that he should start looking for a rishta for himself and ask that you guys also get to meet/talk with the woman BEFORE your father agrees to anything.
Re: Dad wants me to get married young, family members don’t disagree…
This is what I’m saying, I don’t want to get married because myself I’m not mature, and I highly doubt a girl my age will manage my siblings, I agree I think it’s mature but trust me my other siblings will turn on a new wedded of my dad, my dad also made a promise to my mother before she passed away that he wouldn’t remarry, I don’t want to get married at all, but unfortuantley sad reality seems like something which might happen. My father proposed I get married at 18 but still I haven’t lived my life nothing, it’s not his fault but I don’t think either of us should get married. And thanks for you condolences Paheli.
Re: Dad wants me to get married young, family members don’t disagree…
do it bro, you can go to school/college together, copy assignments, keep an eye on each other. watch same teen films, listen to same bands, smoke weed.
As good as it gets.
Re: Dad wants me to get married young, family members don’t disagree…
First of all i would like to thank all of you for your kind condolences, and second of I see I don’t wish to get married, and a girl my age I don’t think will be able to manage a household by herself as many have mentioned, I agree but I highly doubt my father will remarry, even so I don’t want to get married myself, we’ve tried looking after house me and my siblings but there young so lose the will to, sigh.
Re: Dad wants me to get married young, family members don’t disagree…
I know I know, it’s just cultural practices in our culture girls are housewives etc, my dad also claims that he needs family support. My relatives do come by sometimes but it very rarely
Second, aren’t you only 16? So even if you were to get married, let’s say at the age of 18, the girl will be the same age or younger than you, how can she take on the responsibility of a mother figure for all of your younger siblings? Girls at that age are still dreamers, doesn’t seem right to put such a huge responsibility on a young girl. I feel like it would make it harder for you too because you would have to deal with full blown responsibilities of marriage and take care of your siblings at the same time, doesn’t make any sense.
