Curious about your beliefs

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Hello!
I am 28 year old born and raised in Pakistan, in Sunni Muslim family. Moved to USA few years ago and I still can not come out about my personal belief, without fearing I will be judged, cut off or might even get threatened.
I DO NOT believe in religions. I am an Agnostic (and spiritual). I love learning new things and have an open mind about all the big questions. It feels so good to admit it here! I wish I could say this out loud in front of everyone. I can’t make close friendships/relationships with Pakistani people because of this. I hate pretending in front of my in laws but that’s the only way we can keep peace between us. My husband is ‘okay’ with it (I discussed before we got married) even though I do have to teach our children Islam’s teachings for his sake, but I do plan on telling them to be ‘open minded’ and learn on your own when they grow up.
Can anyone here relate at all?

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Re: Curious about your beliefs

Hey fellow agnostic. I grew in Pakistan just like you and am currently living in the States. Amma jee knows and it seems like abba jee doesn't care. I'm not in any kinda romantic relationship so can't say much about that. I haven't made many Pakistani friends since I came here. The advice I get when I complain about that is going to mosques and that's where all the Pakistanis are at. Not a good enough reason to go to a mosque in my opinion. Friends from back home are cool. Some of them know about my lack of religion and others not to bring up the subject. If someone tries to make things uncomfortable for me by starting religious talk I retaliate by making things uncomfortable from them by pointing out fallacies in their religion. I had to be more careful back home but things aren't that bad over here and I live in the South.

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Re: Curious about your beliefs

So how do you make friendships with likeminded Pakistani people? I know it’s VERY hard to find people who believe in same things but I still can’t find anyone in my several years here who I can at least open up about my beliefs and not get treated differently. The only Pakistani families we know here are either our relatives (all very religious) or the people from the mosque. My husband invites families from the mosque for dinners and stuff and he has made good friendships with the husbands, but I have not made a single friend here! They all have strong faith and I have to hold back because I know if I can't open up about my beliefs, I will just have to pretend every time. When we have company over and it’s namaz time, they all pray in Jamaat. In that time, I either have to hide myself somewhere or ‘pretend’ to pray – which makes me really uncomfortable! I hate pretending to be something that I am not.

I really enjoy our Pakistani culture, food, language and really miss good Pakistani company sometimes – where I don’t have to pretend. It was so much simpler when I was a kid. All of us cousins would get together and play board games, discuss stupid things and just laugh at no reason. I miss that kind of care-free friendships. There should be a Masjid for non religious people as well. :(

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Re: Curious about your beliefs

Definitely can relate. I have been an agnostic (even atheist) most of my life. I prepared to to like my company a long time ago. People will not understand you and some will refuse to associate with you. Faith is not something you can make yourself have. It's either there or it isn't. I am married too and my in-laws are pretty traditional and religious. Everyone by now knows I am not very fond of religions. I used to have a lot of arguments with people up until my early 20's. One day, I just stopped. Everything just sort of made sense suddenly. It wasn't important anymore that anyone else understood me or cared to know my feelings about religion. It is NOT important. My lack of belief doesn't define me and my actions. Gradually, my husband became less religious too. He is not a practicing muslim and finds a lot of things wrong with religions (probably due to my influence). It certainly helps that he tries to see things with my eyes and that's enough for me. Don't let your lack of belief define who you are. Everybody has to do things to live in this society. As much as it sucks, this is how it is. Needless to say, I don't have friends but that's because of my personality and I understand I can make people uncomfortable.

I don't have kids yet and honestly, I would like them to learn about Islam and even other religions. Everyone should have the freedom to decide what is good for them.

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Re: Curious about your beliefs

just say you’re going through the longest, most conflicting period of your life..

:rotfl:

:frowning:

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Re: Curious about your beliefs

Most good friends will like you regardless of your beliefs. And no, sadly you can't say stuff like this loud in our society, our culture is simply not ready for this, which is very unfortunate.

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Re: Curious about your beliefs

Another agnostic, sometimes atheist here. I've always believed religion was man made as a divide and conquer tactic... that and I'm more of a "show me proof" that things actually happened. Anyhoo my immediate family is moderately religious - like VERY moderate and my husband's family is fairly religious, my husband, however is not as religious as them but more than me. I have two Muslim friends - both more religious than me, I have Hindu friends, Christian, Catholic, etc.. My friends are my friends because who I am not what my religion is. Yeah sometimes we butt heads but we're fine in the end. I can't really speak to the kids part because we decided we're going to be child-less.

But yeah I feel you... I'm constantly pretending like I give a crap that everything has an Islamic meaning but I really don't. But I just nod and smile and carry on.

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Re: Curious about your beliefs

Not me.

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Re: Curious about your beliefs

They’re good for something. Us guys can’t pull that one. :frowning:

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Re: Curious about your beliefs

i do wonder how many people are just faking religious faith out of societal pressure or just to have a community to belong to.

i've been agnostic/atheist since my pre-teens, but i grew up in india and am from a hindu background. these days most of my friends are people i share a hobby or two with, or my wife's friends. none are particularly vocal about their faith or lack of it. i am not a fan of overtly religious people in my circle, and actively avoid those who subscribe to such views (thank you facebook for showing people's true colors). i dont feel the need for them in my or my family's life. i've managed to brainwash my wife <3 , but ive been working on her a long time. i think its a bit easier with hinduism as you can pretty much be an atheist, skip all the religious ceremonies, and still be part of the cultural events and feasts. my six yr old kid - we haven't mentioned god or religion at home, but she comes up with random questions from her schoolmates, and recently told the wife - why cant you just believe in god, mama? he loves you. -____-

i did think i'd teach my kid all the indian mythology and fables i grew up with, but a lot of it is laced with too much misogyny and similar anachronistic unpleasantness that one can only accept with a religious approach. but thankfully there is so much of nature and reality that can keep a child's curiosity engaged, i cant say i feel she's missing out on much. i'm going to wait for the whole santa, toothfairy peer pressure phase to pass before i throw god in the same group and pop the bubble for her.

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Re: Curious about your beliefs

This made me LOL so hard - almost spit out my chai :smiley:

Thanks yall for replying. So refreshing to see I’m not the only one like this. Gives me some hope!

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Re: Curious about your beliefs

can it be inferred from all the above posts that most people taking the agnostic route among the desi diaspora, are those that lived the earlier part of their life in the east before moving to the west ... hence becoming exposed to new ideas, missing from their experience of life earlier?

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Re: Curious about your beliefs

I am an out and out atheist. I was born and grew up in the West, went through a religious phase, but slowly came to the realisation that I do not believe in an interventionist deity as depicted in all the human religions that have been with us for literally thousands of years, and yet have never definitively proved the existence of god.

:madz:

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Re: Curious about your beliefs

I have been like this ever since I was in Pakistan.

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Re: Curious about your beliefs

Now looking back I regret not giving my children religious values. I have seriously thought about joining a Church. I know many born and raised young people here who are cultural Muslims, meaning they dont believe but use the religious background for being part of tradition. My wife's nephew is very active in the community he organised a 5k fasting run, other charities and stuff and seems very happy by belonging, although in his heart he is agnosstic. Ramazan and Eid are such bonding and warm traditions and I regret not being a part of it.

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Re: Curious about your beliefs

**In general all us humans love a free gift, one we never worked for or earned!

so in the same line of thought if you may...........life too is a free gift, that most of us enjoy and feel we fully deserve.........and we do not owe a thanks to any One?**

***jainh dil which piar de ramz nahin

bus onh dil ko weeran sammujh***

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Re: Curious about your beliefs

Please do tell us more :chai:

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Re: Curious about your beliefs

lol@ weeran dil :\

so much pyaar..

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Re: Curious about your beliefs

Of course we do!

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Re: Curious about your beliefs

If there is no creator, and no accountability then at the very least faithful would still have lived a life avoiding certain things prohibited by faith guided values. However, if there is a creator and there is accountability (and fairness dictates such otherwise all those who did heinous acts and got away would escape justice), then the faithful would have something much better to look forward to while the agnostic/atheist would have lived according to their own whims and social norms dictated by rules made by fallible humans, and we are all fallible except the Prophets (May Peace and Blessings be upon them all), and that is my belief.

While posting your points of view, please take care not to ridicule others beliefs by using derogatory terms like "sky fairy", etc. Know the forum guidelines, and follow them. Thank you.