Re: Cultural difference in marriage...
i think parents can have some control over how much jahez to give...if they want to show off and give more then they can afford...that's their problem dont u think?
i honestly hate some of the cultural rituals we have.
Re: Cultural difference in marriage…
Sorry, but Farhana’s right. Pashtuns do have a walima…maybe not in your family or social circle as I believe in afghanistan there’s little concept of walima.
But yeah, pashtuns do have walimas.
Re: Cultural difference in marriage…
Ditto what Farhana said, although the wedding day nowadays is usually paid for by both sides together.
And you forgot the lovely tradition of ‘khpey art-a’ when the girls family takes all the brides stuff over to the guys house before the wedding. It’s a tradition that’s sadly dying out now but it’s a fun one, and gives you an excuse to get another new outfit 
Re: Cultural difference in marriage...
Well my sister got married almost 2 years ago. We paid for the wedding day. the guys family paid for the waleema. On the mehndi we shared all costs. :D
But you are right. There are plenty narrow minded backward pakistani family's who think a girl should pay for everything.
Re: Cultural difference in marriage...
muslims are suppose 2...there is blessings in the valima as it is the sunnah of the Prophet SAW
other then the actual nikkah the rest is all bidah.
perhaps she has a valima 2 but its called something else :S
But yeah, pashtuns do have walimas.
Re: Cultural difference in marriage...
But you are right. There are plenty narrow minded backward pakistani family's who think a girl should pay for everything.
this is how it is here in the states as well.
Re: Cultural difference in marriage...
maybe thats how it is in afghan families attia ?? pakistani n afghan culture is differnt , no??
Re: Cultural difference in marriage…
U made me laugh 
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Re: Cultural difference in marriage…
Don’t call me Jan or Darling… I find it extremely patronising.
Yes we do have a Walima but in Pakistan us Pathans call it the Draima (i.e. the Third Day), which is basically the same as what Punjabi et al people call the Walima. Whether you wish to have it big or small, in a house or a hotel, for just men, women or both that is the choice of the individual.
I don’t understand WHY they boys side would pay for the Mehndi when essentially they are taking the “mehndi” to the girls house?
In our family we have a custom where your in laws bring your Mehndi outfit/mehndi/chooriyan/etc with them as well as mithai, fruit etc.
My brother got married in Pakistan. My sister-in-law’s Mehndi was held at their house (as their house is typically big with lots of land). We all went over, and did the whole rasam etc. Took all her clothes/jewelry/etc which we had bought, and showed it all off (something I HATE, but its a typical Pakistani custom).
The next day was the Rukhsati (nikah had been done previously), which they did at their home again (their choice).
On the Third Day we held the Walima/Draima at a hotel where her family/friends came over, (and they brought over all the clothes/jewelry/etc that they had bought her).
The only thing I find a little annoying, maybe I’m wrong, is that the Grooms tend to lose out. The Bride gets new a lifetime supply of clothes/shoes, a ton of jewelry, etc. But the Groom only gets a ring, maybe a watch and a suit… a little unfair 
Re: Cultural difference in marriage...
Yes we do have a Walima but in Pakistan us Pathans call it the Draima (i.e. the Third Day), which is basically the same as what Punjabi et al people call the Walima. Whether you wish to have it big or small, in a house or a hotel, for just men, women or both that is the choice of the individual.
I don't understand WHY they boys side would pay for the Mehndi when essentially they are taking the "mehndi" to the girls house?
In our family we have a custom where your in laws bring your Mehndi outfit/mehndi/chooriyan/etc with them as well as mithai, fruit etc.
My brother got married in Pakistan. My sister-in-law's Mehndi was held at their house (as their house is typically big with lots of land). We all went over, and did the whole rasam etc. Took all her clothes/jewelry/etc which we had bought, and showed it all off (something I HATE, but its a typical Pakistani custom).
The next day was the Rukhsati (nikah had been done previously), which they did at their home again (their choice).
On the Third Day we held the Walima/Draima at a hotel where her family/friends came over, (and they brought over all the clothes/jewelry/etc that they had bought her).
The only thing I find a little annoying, maybe I'm wrong, is that the Grooms tend to lose out. The Bride gets new a lifetime supply of clothes/shoes, a ton of jewelry, etc. But the Groom only gets a ring, maybe a watch and a suit... a little unfair :)
Those are called sweet in sour cases.. try to get it..
But anyways coming to the point.. I still didn't get it wat does walima represent? as long as sunnah goes.. i told u guys tat During Prophet mohmmad (pbuh).. they would do nikkah and then ruskhsati where a couple of friends were invited after nikkah...
can anyone please please show me the hadith where it says that walima is necessary...
Ohh btw your are right, in my culture girls pay for the engagement....
Btw i totally agree with u... tat guy get very little.. we should try to improve on tat....
Re: Cultural difference in marriage...
Nahi... Everything is the same other then walima.. and tat guys get to pay for everything.. The rest is the same... we have same engagement, mehandi, nikkah and rukhsati...
Re: Cultural difference in marriage...
Btw i just found out tat in our culture girls are suppose to pay for engagement..... So yeah there u go... we have these stuff as well....
Re: Cultural difference in marriage…
attia…no wonder ur still looking for ur froggy
Re: Cultural difference in marriage…
^^ …
attia as everyone else said walima is sunnat n even Prophet mohmmad (pbuh) did it ..n ppl fallow him.
i ll check with my afghan friends abt walima thing n let u know .maybe its just ur family’s tradtion ??
u lived sometime in pak , right? have u never been to a wedding there n never heared of walima before??
Re: Cultural difference in marriage...
The guys family pays for their expenses and the girls family their expenses. Each pay for their own Walima unless it is joint and in which the costs are usually split. Guests normally contribute at walima. The bridegrooms family also buys jewellery for the bride. Thats how we do things don't know about other Pakistanis or Afghans.
Re: Cultural difference in marriage…
nahi na i explained tat it was not walima,.. it was rukhsati…which we are mixing with walima
i lived in pak for 13 years and i did go to walima.. but still confuse wat did it represent…
Re: Cultural difference in marriage…
so i should announce tat i will pay for all the expenses and then i will get line up of frogies? 
Re: Cultural difference in marriage…
Sweet in sour cases?
I don’t get it.
Re: Cultural difference in marriage…
**Miss Roma poma Toma **
tum walima na karna hamen kia 
..
but pakistani ppl do it n they will keep doing it ..
mods lock this thread now ..thanku very much
Re: Cultural difference in marriage…
for sure…lot of cheap frogs out there