I was really shocked when i first heard that in pakistani culture it is the girl who pays for all the wedding expenses. I can be wrong please correct me if so or maybe it is in some region.
So i don’t understand why is the girl suppose to pay? while they are forced to give double jahez… Do u think it is fair to girl’s family? I totally understand if they are contributing with the guy…
I think even islamicly it is the guy who is suppose to pay for all the wedding expense…
On the other hand, in pathan’s culture it is the guy who pays for each penny, even for mehandi ki raat or engagement.. So being a pathan i think iam suppose to be kinda surprised after hearing this…
Another questions… wat is walima? why is it important and wat does it represent?
So yeah would love to read wat others have to say about it…
Thanks in advance..
Frogan lady urf Attia…
P.S This topic is not to offend anyone so please don’t be harsh…but to increase my knowledge about different cultures…
But you are right. It is completely illegal.
Girls didnt pay anything in the time of our prophet Mohammad (saw) But some relatives of a girl wanted to pay for a wedding and since then everything changed. ( I m working on my knowledge of Islam )
Please correct me if I m wrong
but I dont know where you heard that girls family pays for all expenses?
Wilma is meant to be a feast, sunnah to feed your village or family and friends. It represents that a marriage has taken place and is publicized. It exists in the Pathan culture, pretty much every islamic culture.
As far as the guy paying for everything in the pathan culture, hmmm?
As far as the guy paying for everything in the pathan culture, hmmm?
Why do u need to represent that marriage has taken place? isn't nikkah and rukhsati enough?
and yeah pathan guys do pay for everything.. well atleast all the people i know of did ...
So ur saying tat they don’t pay? I asked all my friends and they said that it is the girl who pays for all the wedding expenses… which part of it the girls don’t pay?
Because its sunnah which means it is encouraged and something the Prophet did after every marriage. In general feeding people in Islam is a proper unselfish means to gain dua'a right. Rukhsati is a cultural tradition so no it doesn't count as Walima.
You are Pathan and you dont know what Valima is, strange least to say.
Anyway, normally ppl mix PAKISTANI culture with ISLAM. Pakitani weddings have nothing to do with ISLAM (other than NIkkah of course). In Islam you are only supposed to be doing VALIMA (thats on groom) but in Pakistani culture (that we got from Hindus of course), we do SHADI on large base and VALIMA on large base too. We spend (rather waste) tonz of money which can help many poors out there. THere is no limit, day by day ppl are keep on adding funcitons into the list 2 mehndis , mayoon, ubtan, doodh peliee, kheer chatiee etc etc, what a waste of time and money !
Here is what Islam says about wedding. Do nikkah in mosque and girls parents can give their daughter some jahaiz ONLY IF THEY ARE CAPABLE OF GIVING AND ARE WILLING TO GIVE. After nikkah, guy is supposed to throw a VALIMA party where they can invite near relative and have some simple food (not 55 dishes).
Anyway, normally ppl mix PAKISTANI culture with ISLAM. Pakitani weddings have nothing to do with ISLAM (other than NIkkah of course). In Islam you are only supposed to be doing VALIMA (thats on groom) but in Pakistani culture (that we got from Hindus of course), we do SHADI on large base and VALIMA on large base too. We spend (rather waste) tonz of money which can help many poors out there. THere is no limit, day by day ppl are keep on adding funcitons into the list 2 mehndis , mayoon, ubtan, doodh peliee, kheer chatiee etc etc, what a waste of time and money !
Here is what Islam says about wedding. Do nikkah in mosque and girls parents can give their daughter some jahaiz ONLY IF THEY ARE CAPABLE OF GIVING AND ARE WILLING TO GIVE. After nikkah, guy is supposed to throw a VALIMA party where they can invite near relative and have some simple food (not 55 dishes).
No actually we don't have valima... we just have nikkah and rukhsati (mehandi ki raat and engagement)... and tat is wat the guy pays for...
^ So the guy pays for all the rukhsati and nikaah expenses, including food, right? In that case, I think everyone is getting confused over your using a different term. As far as I know, a guy is required to host a feast on/after his wedding. Doesn't matter if you refer to it as walima or not. And it does not even have to be on the next day afer the wedding. I might be wrong. but looks to me like they are fulfilling the requirement of hosting a 'treating' everyone on the nikaah day itself.
Waisay, girls seldom pay for their own weddings, even in Pakistan. Mostly it is the girl's family who do that. Perhaps, due to the fact that a lot of girls in Pakistan aren't financially independent. A great majority of them are not even 'allowed' to work. In such a situtation, obviously the burden of the expenses for the marriage fall on the girl's family.
Fiona, I was even more surprised/shocked when I learnt guys pay for all the expenses of weddings in UAE, in fact in almost all the Arab countries.
this is not just a pakistani tradition....even in american culture traditionally the girls family pays for the wedding.
keep in mind the girls family pays for the wedding and they invite majority of their family and friends whereas traditionally the guys family pays for the valima and they invite majority of their family and friends...so i think that is fair :)
nowadays....people are starting to do joint weddings(they split the costs) here in america....they do the nikkah early morning...and they do the valima (which is the sunnah) later in the day (this is when the girl gets ruksath as well)..so it's just one big event as oppose to 3 or 4. I hope to have it done this way....oneday :)
Waisay, girls seldom pay for their own weddings, even in Pakistan. Mostly it is the girl's family who do that. Perhaps, due to the fact that a lot of girls in Pakistan aren't financially independent. A great majority of them are not even 'allowed' to work. In such a situtation, obviously the burden of the expenses for the marriage fall on the girl's family.
Fiona, I was even more surprised/shocked when I learnt guys pay for all the expenses of weddings in UAE, in fact in almost all the Arab countries.
ur the first one actually telling me tat there should be a feast after wedding or something... but why though? If we are talking about giving food to needy people we can do tat in engagement, nikkah and rukhsati.. wat is the point of after marriage feast? yeah the guys is required to have a feast, can't he do it during nikkah or rukhsati? Keep in mind Nikkah and Rukhsati is more important then walima.. so in which one do u expect to get more guests? still girls family has to pay more na?
Now i don't get it why would the guy allow the girl's family to pay for the wedding (especially when the guy doesn't need financial help)?
I have this strong feeling tat it is not fair... the girl's family is giving their daughter to u and u expect them to pay for marriage as well...
Actually there is nothing to be shocked about if the guy pays for all the wedding expense.. ofcourse if the guy doesn't need financial help it becomes his responsiblity to pay for all the expenses (islamicly as well)...
I am Pathan and we have mehndi, wedding and walima (which we call the draima, i.e. 3rd day).
The mehndi is paid for the girls side because the boys side go over to HER house for the mehndi.
The Wedding is paid for by the girls side because the boys side go over to HER house to "collect" her.
The Third Day/Walima is paid for by the boys side because the girls side come over to the boys side to see her.
Darling we don't have anything called walima.... ofcourse there is this small women party at guys house after marriage where girl's family bring all the jahez and family friends bring their gifts.. but tat is mostly in the house and really small gathering...(only womens)....
No jan.. For mehandi and wedding the guy pays all the expenses to girl's family in advance...
keep in mind the girls family pays for the wedding and they invite majority of their family and friends whereas traditionally the guys family pays for the valima and they invite majority of their family and friends...so i think that is fair :)
nowadays....people are starting to do joint weddings(they split the costs) here in america....they do the nikkah early morning...and they do the valima (which is the sunnah) later in the day (this is when the girl gets ruksath as well)..so it's just one big event as oppose to 3 or 4. I hope to have it done this way....oneday :)
Nahi it will still not be fair to girls family, for keep in mind the girl's family is giving away their daughter to u, jehaz to u.. and on top expect to pay for wedding.. I still don't get why it would be fair..
yeah tat would be actually fair if they do contribute and try to make it short...
i dont know where u are getting this info from but…all the paki weddings ive attended the guys family always gave jahez…nivr been a time where they didnt.
As far as “giving away the bride” what should they do…keep her confined to the home?
But wat does walima represent? The thing ur calling sunnah is not walima.. it is rukhsati... During Muhammad PBUH's time they would do nikkah and then rukhsati where the guy's family would invite a couple of friends (feast)
can u please show me the hadith where it was mentioned... i think we are mixing the concept of rukhsati with walima in the sunnah...
of course it is...but both parties are giving it...or at least they are suppose 2. Besides the jahez is suppose to be for the girl not her in-laws. The girl wears it all.
The only thing i dont get about our culture is why does everything have to be so darn elaborate.....parents will give so much jahez that they end up spending their entire life paying off credit card debts. It's just ridiculous...if they would just stick to what fardz people wouldnt be going through so many pre-marital problems.
The only thing i dont get about our culture is why does everything have to be so darn elaborate.....parents will give so much jahez that they end up spending their entire life paying off credit card debts. It's just ridiculous...if they would just stick to what fardz people wouldnt be going through so many pre-marital problems.
Now ur getting to understand my point..... Girl's family already give soo much jehez and on top pay for the wedding.. isn't tat ridiculous?
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