criticizing the dress and price tag..

[Pareezay]

@farrah

i had the same kind of reaction for my engagement dress … people in pakistan LOVE to ask about the price! i did feel a little bad about it when my grandmother was like it’s not enough work on the dress for that money … but i was like whatever … i wouldnt have exchanged it for any other dress … and the amount of time i had to get the dress … i couldnt have gotten a replica done anyways … so yea …
but what did broke me to tears was that when i brought the dress home and tried it on, my own mother started criticizing about the size of the neck and this and that before even saying two words of compliment … lol … oh that was a bad night … hahahahahah … but she had to pay for ruining my moment with ten thousand hugs …

aww, but it’s your mom so it’s okay.

[pakifairy]

weddings aren't the be all and end all of life.

i think people need to get over the whole thing to be honest.

totally agree.
and i find it sad that the only day woman feel they can look their best and dolled and glammed up is their wedding day. um there are a zillion more occasions in life to look glowing and stunning in an expensive gown later in life a few years down the line and by that time one would be able to get that gown from their own and NOT daddys money. that makes you even more beautiful in it.

[naqsa]

Re: criticizing the dress and price tag..

I do agree that girls tend to indulge them selves a bit too much when comes to wedding shopping (I find myself doing the same and stopping myself) but for someone to say that wedding day is not THAT important as you have your whole life to look forward to, is a weird angle, IMO. Your wedding day is the day when EVERYONE attending eth ceremony pays attention to you, teh bride. Of course you want to look your best, it's common sense. You'll have loads of pictures taken that day, which is something you won't be doing on ANYOTHER day of your life unless you are a movie star. So to be a little obsessed about your wedding dress, makes sense if you are the type that generally cares about their appearance. If not, then you most likely won't care on your wedding day either.

P.S. many of US are paying for our wedding dresses. Our daddys aren't.

[pakifairy]

@naqsa

I do agree that girls tend to indulge them selves a bit too much when comes to wedding shopping (I find myself doing the same and stopping myself) but for someone to say that wedding day is not THAT important as you have your whole life to look forward to, is a weird angle, IMO. Your wedding day is the day when EVERYONE attending eth ceremony pays attention to you, teh bride. Of course you want to look your best, it’s common sense. You’ll have loads of pictures taken that day, which is something you won’t be doing on ANYOTHER day of your life unless you are a movie star. So to be a little obsessed about your wedding dress, makes sense if you are the type that generally cares about their appearance. If not, then you most likely won’t care on your wedding day either.

P.S. many of US are paying for our wedding dresses. Our daddys aren’t.

i think its awesome when girls/couples pay for their own stuff.

[pakifairy]

I do agree that girls tend to indulge them selves a bit too much when comes to wedding shopping (I find myself doing the same and stopping myself) but for someone to say that wedding day is not THAT important as you have your whole life to look forward to, is a weird angle, IMO. Your wedding day is the day when EVERYONE attending eth ceremony pays attention to you, teh bride. Of course you want to look your best, it's common sense. You'll have loads of pictures taken that day, which is something you won't be doing on ANYOTHER day of your life unless you are a movie star. So to be a little obsessed about your wedding dress, makes sense if you are the type that generally cares about their appearance. If not, then you most likely won't care on your wedding day either.

P.S. many of US are paying for our wedding dresses. Our daddys aren't.

i think that there are other opportunities though for us to shine and we should think in that way. we shouldn't think that this is the only day. this is one of the most important days of our lives but not the only day we can shine. if we think this way it becomes that way.
when i go to one of my husbands screenings or premieres i get all glammed up and i will continue to do so. it is really fun and it feels good being that it is one of his accomplishments.

[rabia3983]

. P.S. many of US are paying for our wedding dresses. Our daddys aren't.

^

[Silsila]

awwww poor girl, I hate when Aunties do that, they prob just jealous! you get so much bad nazar at wedding times!

[naqsa]

Re: criticizing the dress and price tag..

bottom line, designer or not, a jora only looks beautiful..if YOU are beautiful..(figuratively speaking)
^ couldn't agree more.

[Pareezay]

I do agree that girls tend to indulge them selves a bit too much when comes to wedding shopping (I find myself doing the same and stopping myself) but for someone to say that wedding day is not THAT important as you have your whole life to look forward to, is a weird angle, IMO. Your wedding day is the day when EVERYONE attending eth ceremony pays attention to you, teh bride. Of course you want to look your best, it's common sense. You'll have loads of pictures taken that day, which is something you won't be doing on ANYOTHER day of your life unless you are a movie star. So to be a little obsessed about your wedding dress, makes sense if you are the type that generally cares about their appearance. If not, then you most likely won't care on your wedding day either.

P.S. many of US are paying for our wedding dresses. Our daddys aren't.

Thanks for bringing logic in this thread Naqsa.
Im paying for more than 75 percent of my dress because it's my choice to get something costly and don't want my mom or dad to when I myself can afford it. My mom has insisted on paying for some of it because it's her khushi. I am also paying for all my jahez clothes, almost all the wedding costs, and pretty much everything Im buying for my new house. My parents can alhumdulillah can buy me anything I want to but it's so much more sweeter when you work hard yourself for what you want. I can always look back and say, you know what, I had my wedding however I wanted it and didn't burden my parents with it. And Im so happy that they can save all this money for their future instead. Im sure there are many girls who do the same, and that's why it's wrong for anyone to criticize them. If Im working hard to buy what I want, noone else needs to interfere. It's really easy for anyone who has had their fancy wedding, designer dresses and spent their daddy's money to downplay the importance of wedding later on but for those who aren't married yet, it's a huge deal.
Going by your posts, I can tell you're pretty much doing the same in terms of paying for alot of stuff, mA!

[fasaadi]

^I dont think its right to give your criticism when its not asked for. But a lot of times, people will ask for your opinion when choosing a dress to buy (a great example is the 'is it worth it?' thread), and in that case, I dont think its wrong to give your honest opinion.

[naqsa]

Re: criticizing the dress and price tag..

^ Yup, sure am and I thank Allah that I'm in the position to do so. I'm also the eldest of six girls in the family so M'A my parents have a lot of responsibilities. We are pooling our funds together so that they are not burdened. You know, parents will never say that they are being burdened but to be able to know as a child that you were able to make the process easier on them, is a true blessing.

[Pareezay]

Re: criticizing the dress and price tag..

^Bless you and your family, Naqsa, mA.

[automne77]

We desis are quick to say that something is Haram when we dislike it. Although I am of the view that a lot of money should not be tied up in one dress that you are going to wear only for one day. I do try to remember the hadith that tells us muslims not to say anything rude or harsh about another muslim's shopping. It might break their heart, the only time we are allowed to give our 'opinion' is when they have not yet purchased it and ask us for it before buying. After they have bought it we must pray that they are happy with it.

I really wish that we would learn to do what this hadith tells us to do, my choice is always going to be different from another's and they don't think like me, heck my own sister doesn't think like me. Our weddings were as different as day and night. That was her day, and why should I wreck her happiness by saying something that might sour her day.

A bride is sooooo nervous anyway about her clothes, jewellery, makeup and not to forget her life ahead... I have seen countless brides that know that their makeup is bad or that their choice didn't rock but when they ask me I tell them that it is great...mashAllah she is glowing or whatever.. I have seen them so relieved when someone says that to them... and plus u get ajar for it.

sorry for the long post

[oreocookie]

Thanks for bringing logic in this thread Naqsa. *Im paying for more than 75 percent of my dress because it's my choice to get something costly and don't want my mom or dad to when I myself can afford it. My mom has insisted on paying for some of it because it's her khushi. I am also paying for all my jahez clothes, almost all the wedding costs, and pretty much everything Im buying for my new house. *

MashAllah..that's awesome.

To go slightly off-topic, I know many girls who got married when they were in college (and some even before!) so naturally they were not working or saving money, and thus they did not get to have as much choice in decor and dress and other certain things.

I don't think it's wrong to offer your honest opinion if someone is only contemplating something, for example, the nilofer dress someone is inquiring about.

However, after you obtain something, you shouldn't ask for opinions about it because you are setting yourself up for disappointment, it's different if you show it out of happiness and joy rather than for critique or opinions.

[mistral]

I really wish that we would learn to do what this hadith tells us to do, my choice is always going to be different from another's and they don't think like me, heck my own sister doesn't think like me. Our weddings were as different as day and night. That was her day, and why should I wreck her happiness by saying something that might sour her day.

A bride is sooooo nervous anyway about her clothes, jewellery, makeup and not to forget her life ahead... I have seen countless brides that know that their makeup is bad or that their choice didn't rock but when they ask me I tell them that it is great...mashAllah she is glowing or whatever.. I have seen them so relieved when someone says that to them... and plus u get ajar for it. sorry for the long post

Very good points. Especially the bit about a bride on her wedding day. She's nervous enough. Unless you're going to say "you look absolutely stunning honey," don't open your mouth at all. I don't know what the heck it is with some people who will not hesitate to tell the nerve wracked bride that her lipstick is all wrong, her makeup too dark, the clothes not quite right, etc. If you don't have something nice to say, SHUT UP and don't spoil it for her.

Sorry for shouting. :)