cousin's wife

Lifestyle Relationships
1

My cousin’s wife is soooo annoying. He just got married and unfortunately my family was not able to attend his wedding.
He is still studying and so is she so they don’t live together yet. B4 they got married he constantly talked about how he hoped she would get along with all of us. We assured him it would be fine.
The problem is after they got married he give her my email and cell number so me and her could become friends. Now she constantly emails me, facebook messages me , calls me and texts me. I asked my cousins sister (brides nand) if she did that to her too and she said no.
I dont want to be rude to her but its getting annoying and I really dont know what to say to her. Its not like we r the same age or anything either and I’ve never even met her.
I hinted to my cousin that she constantly tried to communicate with me and he was thrilled not realizing how annoying i found it to be. He thanked me for being so welcoming to her.

I am getting so annoyed with her..what should I do?

2

Re: cousin's wife

For starter you should start communicating with her and tell her what level of contact you want to have with her. She cannot read you mind till you tell her what is in your mind. What do you expect out of her and what she should be doing and what she should not be doing.

3

Re: cousin's wife

I think she is just desperate to become friends with you. Just talk to her from time to time and put her mind at ease. Once you speak to her a little bit, you can always maintain a certain distance so she understands what her limits are. :)

4

Re: cousin’s wife

Since when do people have a hard time dealing with unwanted messages??? :halo:

5

Re: cousin's wife

loog contact kareen tu museebat, na kareen tu museebat :)

6

Don't feel compelled to answer every one of her e-mails and facebook messages. Keep in touch here and there, and she'll probably find her limits. If she seems lonely, then introduce her to other people whom you think she'll like.

i dont believe.
7

Re: cousin's wife

Mahiya are htey from pak? do you live in a western country? maybe that's why she's constantly contacting you, she finds you impressive for some reason (that and u cudn't come to her wedding). Im sure she sees her nand everyday/frequently so no need ofr online contact as much as she does iwht you. Maybe.

8

There, you said it. That is the problem. Your cousin, aka her husband, gave his wife your contact info and told her to become your friend. Perhaps she is doing just that and trying to be an obedient wife. I don't think she is the annoying one. I think its your cousin who gave your personal info to her without consulting you first.
You said he was "thrilled" after she contacted you. Don't you think he told his wife that he gets happy when she communicates with you? Its not her fault. She is just trying to make her hubby happy.

9

Re: cousin's wife

Number one- if i dont respond to her, one message is followed by a hundred more saying " r u busy" "y rnt u respondin" and so on...
Number 2 if i do respond she starts a very detailed story of her life and what she has been to and whats to know everything about me
Number 3 i live in canada and she lives in canada just different provinces
Number 4 we rnt much alike at all i m 16 she is 22 (not that thats the problem - it just makes tougher)
Number 5 i cant really introduce her to other ppl cuz the only other ppl i know in her city r my cousins plus she has lived there her whole life so i assume she has friends
Number 6 she doesnt live with her nand who is also my age bcuz the rukhsati hasnt happened.... but she still doesnt contact her
Number 7 it is possible that she is trying to please her husband but hes really not that type who would get mad if she didnt contact me....

10

You know when I first read this, this exact thought was in my head. That is a possibility, that it is not your cousin in law's fault, especially because she did not ask you for the contact information.

Regardless, if you don't like replying to her e-mails or facebook message you can always give her the "busy-busy" signal. But if you do that, just occasionally call her up, to see how's she's doing, just so she knows you and her are in good terms. I think this sitation is a temporary problem- after a while this will all pass when she gets going with her own life and starts to feel comfortable with her new family- so be as nice as possible.

Mr.Khan , Punjab will not be a Piece of Cake !
11

Re: cousin's wife

mahiya_f, you're 16? Okay. Don't know why your cousin would want his 22 year old wife to be friends with his 16 year old cousin who isn't even in the same province!

12

in all honesty i dont know either.... it could be bcuz me and him get along really well.... but other than that...

itna chahun
13

Re: cousin's wife

Talk to your cousin and ask him why.

14

Re: cousin's wife

Talk to ur cousin about it. I don't think it's a good idea to say anything to her

15

Mahiya,

You're 16 **right? **If so, I'm sure as a student you've got studying and other things to do. I think that when you attempted to talk to ur cousin last time, you weren't able to fully explain yourself and he made the assumption that you were fine with his wife bugging u all the time. But this time, be a bit more clear. I understand that you don't want to come across as being rude to your cousin as that can cause problems in the family.

You can try talking to the girl yourself. You can say that,

"Baji, I'm so sorry but I won't be able to talk as often or as regularly with you because I'm just swamped with so much work from school and what have you. And I hope you don't mind, but I need some space/break** to get things done otherwise I'd be talking ALL day and will get NOTHING accopmplished. I hope you understand. This will give you a break from me.....and I don't want your husband and the rest of his family to think I'm hogging a sweet person like you all to myself, LOL."**

**
^This will be a nicer way to give her a hint that u need space**:)

Or if you think it's better to talk to your cousin about it then use the same above explanation. Say:

"Bhai, I really enjoy talking to your wife, but I won't be able to talk as regularly or as often because I'm swamped with so much work and what have you from school. So, I hope she doesn't mind but I need some space so that I can concentrate on my work otherwise I'd be talking all day and won't get anything accomplished. Your wife is really sweet and it has been a pleasure to get 2 know her. I hope that you and your other family members don't think i'm hogging her to myself, because i'm sure they would also appreciate the pleasure of her company as I have."

^ Hopefully this won't offend your cousin because you're giving him a valid understandable reason for not being able to talk to his wife ALL the time.......and that reason is being a student and being busy! And you're saying nice things about her, so he shouldn't take offense. At the same time, you're hinting to him that she should also bond with **other **family members as well:)

You can try asking your cousin's wife if she's made other friends in the family. And as gulab jamun suggested, u can help her to meet/connect/bond/get-to-know other members of the family....although her husband (ur cousin) should b the one to help facilitate the family bonding.

And as GJ suggested, please don't feel compelled to respond to each and everyone of her emails. If you do that.....then she'll EXPECT you to respond all the time because you're allowing her to get used to it. I don't respond to every single email from my cousins or closest friends. So, don't worry about that.

The other suggestion I have is that you can talk to your mom **about it and see what she has to say about it. Your mom would have a better understanding of the family and can suggest some **tactful ways to go about the situation. Best wishes, Mahiya:)

In order to AVOID mind games and guessing games....its BEST to talk directly to SOMEONE....either your cousin......his wife......or your parent.

16

Re: cousin's wife

What is the problem with her? Or you? Don't you want to have contact with her in general? She has no one and wants to get along with somebody and she considers you to be the person she can talk with! What a nice family actually she landed in! I hope she is reading that and never contacts you again! give me her email adress I will mail her the link to GS....

**"I don't want to be rude", what a magical sentence, **is it not rude enough that you post that in Internet? What will the people think of your cousin? That she's a nasty, annoying cousin? well done!

If I had read that my cousin writing about me in a public forum, for the entire life I would talk to him/her!

17

Re: cousin's wife

^ Ok Numb calm down. She didnt take any names or embarass anyone publicly. She is 16 yrs old and having a hard time relating to someone much older then her.

If you tell your cousin that his wife is annoying...it might not sit too well with him. What might work is setting expectations...let her know you have a busy schedule and sorry if I dont get back to you right away...please dont mind. And then, make sure you only answer her calls or text her at a certain time. Early morning, people dont have much time to talk then.

Timepass- December 2012
18

^ I agree with Bon. I know that I have been in a situation where people whom I like have bombarded me with frequent emails/contact. I've been on the receiving end of that situation and as nice as the person might be.......it can become overwhelmingly irritating.

In all fairness.....I have also been on the giving end of this scenario. Unaware of my actions, I've pestered people with frequent contact as well. It happens. Most of us have been on one end or the other at various times and it can be frustrating.

I'm sure Mahiya didn't have the intention to embarrass her cousin. If that were the case, she would use her cousin's real name. But she hasn't done that. She's frustrated and is seeking help. Even the most sweetest people can be a nuisance sometimes because they are **unaware **that they're bugging others.

That's why Mahiya needs to make this girl aware of her feelings in a NICE way. She can simply tell the girl that she can't communicate as regularly or as often because she's busy and has things to do. This of course does not mean ignoring the girl completely......but reducing the frequency of communication.

And this may turn out to be a GOOD thing for the cousin's wife. With the reduced communication, the cousin's wife will have more time to focus on her marriage, on herself, and on making the effort to find other people for company....and thus bonding with other members of her husband's family as well.

19

Re: cousin's wife

Numb, don't get your knickers in a bunch, relax. Jab dekho rona shuroo hojatay ho.

Mahiya, I don't know the circumstances of your cousin's wife, is she new to the country/province or does she have her own friends where she lives. At the very least, be gracious once in a while and give her a call, if nothing else, maybe tell her that you'll call her every Thursday or whatever and like someone already said, you can let her know that you are busy with school or whatever and as such, it's hard for you to talk/chat/email more than once a week.

Maybe she's just trying to fit in in the new family, just try to put yourself in her shoes, I know it can be annoying, but you have the potential to be the bigger person here.

20

Re: cousin's wife

Numb I am not trying to embarass anyone. That is exactly what I am trying to prevent from happening by not going directly to her.

I like the rest of your solutions a lot and i talked to my cousin. I told him that i really enjoyed getting to know bhabi and that he was lucky to have her bcuz she was sooo sweet. I also mentioned that I have been swamped with school lately and havent been having time to do a lot of other things. I told him that Bhabi was friendly and she must be getting along with everyone else too which was good. But my cousin said "not really she hasnt talked to anyone else."
he said he wished she would interact withe them more especially his sister...
so i said "maybe bhabi thinks that by talking to me she is fulfilling her duty of getting along with the family... maybe u should suggest that she talk to ***** bcuz they live in the same city and she IS your sister."
My cousin didnt seem offended or anything bcuz i was pretty subtle ... but at the same time he didnt see like he was going to take action... but inshAllah we will c!