cousin's wife

[redvelvet]

Numb I am not trying to embarass anyone. That is exactly what I am trying to prevent from happening by not going directly to her.

I like the rest of your solutions a lot and i talked to my cousin. I told him that i really enjoyed getting to know bhabi and that he was lucky to have her bcuz she was sooo sweet. I also mentioned that I have been swamped with school lately and havent been having time to do a lot of other things. I told him that Bhabi was friendly and she must be getting along with everyone else too which was good. But my cousin said "not really she hasnt talked to anyone else." he said he wished she would interact withe them more especially his sister... so i said "maybe bhabi thinks that by talking to me she is fulfilling her duty of getting along with the family... maybe u should suggest that she talk to ***** bcuz they live in the same city and she IS your sister." My cousin didnt seem offended or anything bcuz i was pretty subtle ... but at the same time he didnt see like he was going to take action... but inshAllah we will c!

Yaaay!!!! I'm proud of you Mahiya! You were probably thinking your cousin would bite your head off, but instead he was honest with you about his wife not bonding much with his sister. You've alerted him to a problem and inshaAllah he'll take it from there and give the message to his wife. Its funny how often times we think the other person won't understand us or will end up getting mad.......so we avoid confrontation......only to realize that it was no big deal. Happens often, LOL. Either way, you must feel better Mahiya, and I'm glad!

[Dhoop]

I just hope it's not some one else in her house( brother/another cousin?) in her guise who r badgering u like this.....

[Cheegum]

I just hope it's not some one else in her house( brother/another cousin?) in her guise who r badgering u like this.....

Dhoop!! You're alive! :)

[Numb]

*Numb I am not trying to embarass anyone. That is exactly what I am trying to prevent from happening by not going directly to her. *

I like the rest of your solutions a lot and i talked to my cousin. I told him that i really enjoyed getting to know bhabi and that he was lucky to have her bcuz she was sooo sweet. I also mentioned that I have been swamped with school lately and havent been having time to do a lot of other things. I told him that Bhabi was friendly and she must be getting along with everyone else too which was good. But my cousin said "not really she hasnt talked to anyone else." he said he wished she would interact withe them more especially his sister... so i said "maybe bhabi thinks that by talking to me she is fulfilling her duty of getting along with the family... maybe u should suggest that she talk to ***** bcuz they live in the same city and she IS your sister." My cousin didnt seem offended or anything bcuz i was pretty subtle ... but at the same time he didnt see like he was going to take action... but inshAllah we will c!

and you think this works? Why don't you simply tell her that I have no time for you? Will you embarass her? No, definitely not, but she will ATLEAST find out the truth instead of having hopes! Isn't it better to tell it all instead of making this poor chicken think "everything is fine, I'm most welcome"...

Aahmed, why do you actually talk to me? Have I not told you not to talk with me? I have nothing against you, but it would be better for me if you don't talk to me and no I'm not crying, just telling the truth and the truth makes people cry...Is this girl that busy that she even has not 5 minutes to reply, but has lots of hours to post her story @GS and everyone is playing the childcare and helping this poor girl? You are a bigger person and this and that and what not...blabla, that is such an gibberish. I'm not crying, I cry over people who have to make this public, I have stopped doing this, because this is wrong. I used to talk about my life as well, but that is 'snip'...I learnt from the mistakes... Just imagine, she reads that by accident! How will she behave then? Qurbaniyyan deni parti hain.

Imagine yourself in the situation of the poor chicken, mahiya_f:

How would you react if your cousin would react like this and make it public and imagine you would find this out by accident! Wouldn't you be hurt?

There is a fine hadith!

"What you wish for yourself, you should also wish for your brother and sister"

What would you wish for yourself? Would you wish that your new family acts like this or a cousin of your husband? I give you a personal example, even though I don't like to make this public. My family doesn't like my wife, I don't know why, but they don't tell her, they make her think everything is fine, but it's not and she found that out, she is all the time and that tears me apart! I would love to quit, because of my family, but she doesn't want. This is how people can make lives futile...

enough said...I hate it when people have to make their troubles public and involve the entire world in this!

[Bonbonniere]

Re: cousin's wife

^ Hello? This is a public forum.

Our handles are for anonymity. She isnt posting the concerned party's name and address niether is she embarassing anyone by coming here and seeking advice from people who might be able to offer her a more polite way out of the current situation.

Numb, aap ye baatein nahin samjhoge.

[gulab_jamun]

Numb,
Do you know how I became a gupshup member? I want you take a look at my very first post. Yes, I became a member because someone was- for lack of a better word- was complaining about me...

Was I hurt? yes, i'm only human. But I realized that this is the moment where if I swallow real criticism, I can be a better person. Did I think that someone did wrong? No, I realize it was a public forum, and she did not know I read GS on and off, and it was something of a million and once chance that that kind of thing would ever happen, and thus I doubt it would be considered backbiting! It is the same as sending a letter to an advise columnist and asking advise....

Numb, reading your past posts, I believe you have a lot of anger within you, and you are releasing it here.

Life isn't as simple as being blunt....And I had to learn this too! People have fragile hearts, and telling someone to just "back off" does more harm then good. To get what you want and still maintain friendships, you have to use tact.