Cousin Marriages - would you take the risk?

[Deeba1234]

Re: Cousin Marriages - would you take the risk?

@bebo

Cousin marriages are not discourged in islam either be it one generation or massive inbreeding. Like I said, it is convenient and religiously/culturally accepted so its a no brainer for them. Trust me many Pakistani parents who are against cousin marriages do not oppose it because of gentic health risk but becaue of all the drama associated with it.
BTW, I am just answering to why people still ignore the risks associated with it, not a fan of cousin marriages myself …major eww factor on top of risks.

Islam doesn’t encourage cousin marriage generation after generation the way Mirpuris do it:

The Islamic view is that while marriage between cousins is permissible, it is preferable to choose a marriage partner from outside one’s family. We have to distinguish between what is permitted and what is advocated. Some clans restrict marriages to amongst their kin only – a practice far from what is advocated.** It is worth stressing here that when marriage of cousins is repeated over several generations, they are bound to have more effects on children. **

**By permitting such marriages Islam does not encourage them. It advocates the cementing of social relations through marriages between totally unrelated families. **

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) once told one of his Companions to choose a wife from a tribe different to his, and then to choose for his son a wife from a third tribe, and to seek for his second son a girl from yet another tribe. **Preferring this course of action, Islam nevertheless permits marriage between cousins because it meets a social need.” **

Source: http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?pagename=IslamOnline-English-Ask_Scholar/FatwaE/FatwaE&cid=1119503544772#ixzz18MPqhsGN

[bebo]

Re: Cousin Marriages - would you take the risk?

@Deeba1234

Islam doesn’t encourage cousin marriage generation after generation the way Mirpuris do it:

The Islamic view is that while marriage between cousins is permissible, it is preferable to choose a marriage partner from outside one’s family. We have to distinguish between what is permitted and what is advocated. Some clans restrict marriages to amongst their kin only – a practice far from what is advocated.** It is worth stressing here that when marriage of cousins is repeated over several generations, they are bound to have more effects on children. **

**By permitting such marriages Islam does not encourage them. It advocates the cementing of social relations through marriages between totally unrelated families. **

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) once told one of his Companions to choose a wife from a tribe different to his, and then to choose for his son a wife from a third tribe, and to seek for his second son a girl from yet another tribe. **Preferring this course of action, Islam nevertheless permits marriage between cousins because it meets a social need.” **

Source: http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?pagename=IslamOnline-English-Ask_Scholar/FatwaE/FatwaE&cid=1119503544772#ixzz18MPqhsGN

I am by no means a scholar on Islamic rulings nor did I google about it. But as far as I know prophet got his own daughter married to her second cousin Ali, while there were many proposals for her from outsiders. I think its reasonable to conclude that Islam does not have a prefrence either way.

[hareem01]

Re: Cousin Marriages - would you take the risk?

^I agree with bebo on this.

[saimab33]

Re: Cousin Marriages - would you take the risk?

@bebo

Cousin marriages are not discourged in islam either be it one generation or massive inbreeding. Like I said, it is convenient and religiously/culturally accepted so its a no brainer for them. Trust me many Pakistani parents who are against cousin marriages do not oppose it because of gentic health risk but becaue of all the drama associated with it.
BTW, I am just answering to why people still ignore the risks associated with it, not a fan of cousin marriages myself …major eww factor on top of risks.

Actually, my parents werent against or for cousin marriages (they were neutral about it) until one of my uncles (who is married to his first cousin) had 2 children with genetic defects. Right after that happened, my parents said there is no way that we (my siblings and I) were going to marry cousins. And my parents discourage the rest of our family as well (my dad is the oldest and very well respected amongst his siblings) to not marry in cousins, but find people outside the family to marry. AND…the whold family drama issue as well…but that was secondary!

[Deeba1234]

Re: Cousin Marriages - would you take the risk?

@bebo

I am by no means a scholar on Islamic rulings nor did I google about it. But as far as I know prophet got his own daughter married to her second cousin Ali, while there were many proposals for her from outsiders. I think its reasonable to conclude that Islam does not have a prefrence either way.

Even if u take that opinion, what bebo mentioned about it being ok ‘on a massive scale’ (ie down several generations) is not correct, esp the way it is often practised by UK Mirpuris (a lot of their families won’t even allow marriage outside the family, how twisted is that) is a total distortion of the Islamic guidelines..

I’ve got nothing against cousin marriage now and again if the couple themselves want it but like the OP am so fed up of seeing ignorant parents and families who have already being doing it generation after generation and seen the results in the higher level of ‘problems’ but then still insist their children must do the same..

[Naabigh]

Re: Cousin Marriages - would you take the risk?

No way - I dont want our kids to have my beauty and their intelligence

[SadiKhan]

Re: Cousin Marriages - would you take the risk?

In my family some of my cousins did marry each other.. and they have very cute kids… but in my case My husband wasn’t family.. my parents weren’t either.. and as for my kids.. its a big no no..

I have seen people getting married to their first cousins and then having kids with problems. I’ve seen them how hard it is and wouldn’t want it for my kids..

[Orpheus]

Re: Cousin Marriages - would you take the risk?

There was a programme aired on BBC2 recently on this very subject.

[soni27]

Re: Cousin Marriages - would you take the risk?

they dunt think bout whts comin ahead .. they just thinkin the immediate present like .. we wana get our daughters marred to reliable guy .. pll we know .. ppl we trust (who they think they can trust) n .. bla bla

[McPendo]

Re: Cousin Marriages - would you take the risk?

Why do you have to badmouth the mirpuris?

[The_Last_Straw]

Re: Cousin Marriages - would you take the risk?

As the saying goes, “Incest is best.”

Yup, there’s an increased risk…though not much greater than unrelated couples. It’s a bigger problem in families where too much inbreeding takes place. People have the responsibility of thinking of all factors and consequences when it comes to marriage. You do your part, realize that Allah has the ultimate control over things including health, and pray for the best. Islam allows cousin marriages, and I’m not gonna judge someone who decides to marry their cousin. To each his own.

[The_Last_Straw]

Re: Cousin Marriages - would you take the risk?

@bebo

I am by no means a scholar on Islamic rulings nor did I google about it. But as far as I know prophet got his own daughter married to her second cousin Ali, while there were many proposals for her from outsiders. I think its reasonable to conclude that Islam does not have a prefrence either way.

Found the following from the Islamonline website:

However, a different question may be asked, namely: “Is it better or preferable for a Muslim to marry someone he is not related to rather than a relative?”

The answer to this question varies from case to case, and perhaps it may be preferable to marry people who are non-relations, for example if one aspires to form new social ties or bonds, and regards the existence of a marriage relationship with a different family as constructive in widening the circle of social bonds." (Source: www.islam-qa.com)

Elaborating on the issue whether it is preferable not to marry close cousins, we’d like to cite for you the following fatwa:

“Islam permits marriage between first cousins. If we read the Qur’anic verses which enumerate women to whom a Muslim cannot be married, you will find that this list does not include cousins.

The Islamic view is that while marriage between cousins is permissible, it is preferable to choose a marriage partner from outside one’s family. We have to distinguish between what is permitted and what is advocated. Some clans restrict marriages to amongst their kin only – a practice far from what is advocated. It is worth stressing here that when marriage of cousins is repeated over several generations, they are bound to have more effects on children.

By permitting such marriages Islam does not encourage them. It advocates the cementing of social relations through marriages between totally unrelated families.

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) once told one of his Companions to choose a wife from a tribe different to his, and then to choose for his son a wife from a third tribe, and to seek for his second son a girl from yet another tribe.

Preferring this course of action, Islam nevertheless permits marriage between cousins because it meets a social need.”

Read more: http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?pagename=IslamOnline-English-Ask_Scholar/FatwaE/FatwaE&cid=1119503544772#ixzz18VKUlHk6

[ayeshi]

Re: Cousin Marriages - would you take the risk?

agreed!

[mizsani]

Re: Cousin Marriages - would you take the risk?

I would sooo not take the chance
Plus, its not just about genetics..
it sort of limits u socially also.
Like if someone is born in a certain kind of family, and u marry into the same family.. tht limits ur chances of growth.. and ur future generations chances too.
Sociologically, if ur born in a place with a specific kind of enviroment, beliefs, thinking process… chances are (if u do not get out of it)… ur future generation will have the same beliefs, thinking, and the cycle will continue.
For example, If ur born in a family where most people do not graduate from college, u also have higher chances of not attending college, consequently their children wont either if u marry a person within the same family. Since there will be no one to enforce education and it would be harder to put kids through college financially and also hard to tutor them cuz the parents didnt attend college either… hence, the cycle will continue to ur kids and grand kids.

@Sehrah

Have you ever gone to a wedding and felt like you were surrounded by similar looking people with slightly odd features? Chances are you stumbled into a wedding where most of the khandaan is related to each other through both their mother and father. i.e. through *consanguineous marriage

Marrying your first cousin carries an increased of having children with some kind of genetic defect compared to not marrying your first cousin and also of miscarriage. Now this risk is admittedly small around the 2% figure, and some couples will take that risk if they have found their perfect partner which is fair enough.

BUT what if your parents were cousins too, and your grandparents, nanke, great grandparents etc. If you have a family tree/bush where there’s been a number of cousin marriages then that means if you marry your first cousin you carry a massive risk of having a child with genetic defects.

Yet still in the UK I see loads of Pakistanis marrying their cousins, despite a family history of genetic defects they continue to marry their cousins and inevitabley have a child with the same defect. What’s the reason behind marrying cousins despite the risks?

As a medical student I often get asked this question by non-Pakistanis and find it hard to defend as I have no idea why certain groups of Pakistanis (mainly mirpuris in the UK) are obsessed with their cousins…

(i couldn’t get the italic fonts off )

[Sehrah]

Re: Cousin Marriages - would you take the risk?

As the saying goes, “Incest is best.”

I have to say I have never in whole life heard a saying like that…

The Islamic view is that while marriage between cousins is permissible, it is preferable to choose a marriage partner from outside one’s family. We have to distinguish between what is permitted and what is advocated.

I totally agree and think its a dangerous misconception that Islam rulings *encourage *cousin marriages, when they do no such thing, once people get ideas like that in their head it’s hard to clear them out.

Sociologically, if ur born in a place with a specific kind of enviroment, beliefs, thinking process… chances are (if u do not get out of it)… ur future generation will have the same beliefs, thinking, and the cycle will continue.

Yeah I’ve noticed that too mizsani that communities who do strictly marry into their cousins tend to be more closed off from general society but then also seem to have more social and domestic problems.

[mizsani]

Re: Cousin Marriages - would you take the risk?

@Sehrah

Yeah I’ve noticed that too mizsani that communities who do strictly marry into their cousins tend to be more closed off from general society but then also seem to have more social and domestic problems.

yaaaa… and then they just get stuck in their own little bubble and if tht bubble is filled with negativity then all the generations experience tht most of the time. And if the couple wnats to split up.. so many problems are caused within the family… like family members turn against each other… and there is just wayyy too much pressure

[EDAL]

Re: Cousin Marriages - would you take the risk?

Cousin marriages are not good in today’s day and age.

I know Islam allowed it, but that was because back then people could not really venture far to find a spouse, and it would have been highly inconvenient to ban it.

However today, when the whole damn world is like one village, why the hell would you marry your cousin?

I’ve always thought of my cousin sisters, as nothing more than sisters, some of them resemble my own sisters, The ones in Pakistan call me “bhai” and that is the end of that.

People, stop marrying your cousins, there is no reason to anymore, just stop with this cousin crap.

[S02]

Re: Cousin Marriages - would you take the risk?

I don’t think that cousin marriages should be sought out/forced/arranged. But if the two like each other and are happy, they should not be forbidden from marrying.

It has worked out well for many in our family.