Cousin- Divorce?

Islamabadi1 · December 3, 2014, 4:10pm

Re: Cousin- Divorce?

Go find out the difference between attacking and self defence.....then come here and make comments....i run a business which sells Pepper spray and electric shock pens...and most of my clients are women...and no they dont go attacking anyone..it is for self defence

Xaos · December 3, 2014, 4:38pm

Re: Cousin- Divorce?

you are the one who needs to be educated if you think pepper spray and electric pens is going to solve the problems of an physically abusive husband...... lol..... wonder why all the domestic abuse helplines, counsellors, social workers never thought of this.

He is not a random guy on the street, a cat caller. he is someone the the OP's cousin was living with 24 x 7.

if you are unable to show sympathy to someone in their difficult time at least refrain from giving hurtful comments

mzprincess88 · December 3, 2014, 7:27pm

Re: Cousin- Divorce?

I forgot to add...that cousin and her husband were living rent-free in a house owned by my cousin's parents. My uncle and aunt, who had tenants in there before, we're losing $440 a week in rent due to this but generously allowed them to stay in this home so that they could save some more money for their own home. The husband would still say "why do these people come to MY house " when they would barely , if ever, go over.

mzprincess88 · December 3, 2014, 7:32pm

Re: Cousin- Divorce?

Oh also...cousin was previously engaged. For 3 weeks. This husband continuously says to her "you were rejected once you are useless." When in fact he knows that cousins family broke of engagement because those people too turned out to be greedy. But the constant thana baazi never ends .

khattichic · December 3, 2014, 7:55pm

Cousin- Divorce?

OP, most important thing right now is for you guys to keep her physically safe and out of harms way. Don't push divorce or anything right now. It's enough for now that she's in her parents care and has their support. She needs to go through the process and feel the range of emotions from fear to despair to hope. If you guys haven't already, enlist the help of a professional counselor/therapist.

I hope her situation improves and she realizes how much her life is worth and how better off she is without this creep.

Reha · December 3, 2014, 9:03pm

Re: Cousin- Divorce?

I hope OP's family realizes the importance of simplicity in Nikah now.

After dealing with two greedy families, I really hope they've learned that cushioning their son in laws will only get them greedy son in laws.

Their daughter was her **HUSBAND'S **responsibility - not the parents where they decided to shower this guy with every luxury under the sun as if he worked for it.

Captain_Obvious · December 3, 2014, 9:20pm

Re: Cousin- Divorce?

So what kind of solution would are you looking for? Based on what you've already mentioned, it doesn't look like it's worth not dissolving the marriage. According to what you've said, the guy isn't just useless, he's also harmful. So it seems like a no brainer to me. Now what I'd be more interested in if I were part of the family is whether the guy would give a divorce on his own or whether he would let her take khula. If the answer is no for both, then I've know of ulema councils dissolving marriages where the girl was abused and where the guy didn't want to go through with a divorce.

Iconoclast · December 3, 2014, 9:52pm

Re: Cousin- Divorce?

^Adress of aamil baba with expertize in "shohar aap key qadmoon mein"

Muzna · December 4, 2014, 1:39pm

Re: Cousin- Divorce?

~ Thank you All ~ [merged]

shrugs frankly do not care. I did not personally attack anyone. I didn’t mention any names I just had a problem with people saying stuff like this “There is no excuse for an educated woman to tolerate such physical abuse. In fact, if a girl is educated, she should stand up for herself and set an example for other girls who are not as fortunate.” or somehow “She’s an educated professional…obviously from an affluent family…she’s terrified of divorce but not scared to go back to a physically abusive husband? Fears becoming an old maid? Does this mindset still exist in 2014???” it is impossible to believe that someone who is educated and comes from a good family would want to go back to her abusive partner.
As if education or their background had anything to do with it.

That is what I have a problem with. I do not need to convince anyone. I state my opinion which is what others do too. I do not agree with Victims helping themselves first and then going on to say that they should help others who are less fortunate.

yes…it is very apparent that you do not care…and that would be fine except that by having such an attitude with a community where you spend so much time damages your credibility.
why would anyone want to hear you if you show a despondent attitude towards them?
and yes, I know…you really don’t care and just want to say what you know is right in your mind and your opinion and from what you have read. (I would go on to say that you have “experienced” but I’m not certain that’s the case so I’ll stop there.)

even stating your opinion without caring for what others think is perfectly fine (though counter-productive because it defeats the purpose of a discussion board) but by having a “holier than thou” approach and suggesting that anyone with an opinion contrary to your’s is ignorant, wreaks of arrogance. (even if what you are saying is correct.)

and yes, I get it…you don’t care whether or not anyone’s mindset is changed as a result of interacting with the much more enlightened you so I won’t even go down that path, but I do still have a glimmer of hope that you might be interested in growing on a personal level so I’m posting some links that you might find useful. have a read when you have a few moments…

How to Speak Your Mind Without Making Someone Else Wrong
How to avoid causing offence | Happiness Weekly
5 Ways to Stay True to Yourself and Not Offend Others in the Process | Slow Down Fast Personal Coaching and Lifestyle Design ~ David B. Bohl