Re: Cousin- Divorce?
^ i would agree with this. educated or not, being abused leaves one in a state where they are not themselves anymore, no matter how headstrong or bold they once were. which is why it's essential for you, OP and her family, to ensure that she sees what a detrimental relationship she is in and gets the support to see life beyond divorce. it will take a lot of courage on her part, and a lot of commitment from you guys to keep at it until she leaves once and for all.
Re: Cousin- Divorce?
It’s not a matter of living in Utopia. I am going to tread very lightly here, so as not to offend OP nor her cousin’s situation, because I do feel very badly for this girl’s situation, but, the reason why I was the first to bring up the girl’s professional/educated status is because OP herself has repeatedly mentioned that they are not your run of the mill, backwards folks. From OP’s threads, not only about the cousins wedding, but her own, there has been a lot of emphasis put on the affluent status of the family, lots of high money gifts, laina-daina, and huge sums of money exchanging hands.
What I found incredulous is that a girl that is so educated and professional and from an obviously upper class upbringing would put her own life in danger and into the hands of a man who obviously only sees her as a cash cow. With education and professional status also usually comes confidence and a sense of self worth. In this day and age, I do not know one singe girl that is educated and holds a high level job that would put up with this kind of treatment nor sit there and think that she’ll wind up an old maid divorcee and be scared of the stigma of divorce. I just found that to be very dakyanoosi in this day and age. This girls parents are supporting her which is more than a lot of people get, she has her family behind her…she needs to get out now and trust that Allah has better things in store for her, inshallah.
OP, again, no offence was meant on my part, please don’t think I’m making light of or pointing any fingers here. 
Do NOT under any circumstances let her get back with him
Re: Cousin- Divorce?
i hear you khatti, and you're right about not living in utopia. but at the end of the day, like i said.. anybody, man or woman, if they are subjected to such mental and physical abuse that they are made to feel worthless and as if there is no getting out of it.. well, it can take a toll on anyone no matter how strong or smart they are. and OP's cousin is definitely fortunate that her family are more supportive of this than some families.. which is why it's necessary for them to keep encouraging her to leave.
Re: Cousin- Divorce?
Heard about "too good to be true" but this story is "too bad to be true".
I mean Cmon, broken tooth, arms covered with bruises and she says she loves him! And her family does not do anything. I find it hard to believe.
Then the very question of OP, "plz help urgently". I mean what kinda help are you exactly expecting on internet forum? Call 911. You can't be that stupid or are you?
Re: Cousin- Divorce?
OP -
Your cousin will not be alone forever. She will have her Allah swt who will protect her, guide her, take care of her and provide for her.
Life after a divorce is rocky for a little while because you have to piece your life back together and become whole again. You have to heal...and this is important so I say it again...you HAVE to take time to heal. Don't just jump into marriage with the first guy who proposes after divorce. However, after that rocky stage is a HUGE sense of relief and peace and happiness. Life does not stay this way forever, people don't stay miserable forever and she will not be in love with him forever. SHE WILL get over him and eventually find someone who can treat her well. And even if she doesn't, she will find her purpose in life that might end up being even more satisfying. When you don't know what lies ahead, its stupid to assume its all going to be bad. You don't know if your cousin will die alone after her parents are long gone...its unreasonable to even think that.
After my divorce, I took time out for myself only. I worked, dated, met people, decided to do whatever I wanted since it was my time and I DID. It was fun...and that ride ended almost a year ago...LOL.
My point behind this is you and your cousin are being very pessimistic. Your cousin can walk away from this abusive marriage with no strings attached. She has no kids, property or liabilities with this man. She can break free and start her life again. IF she stays, she has more to lose than gain. Her position is ideal for a woman who needs to get out. I know no divorced woman would ever wish she didn't have her children but I know many who wish they didn't have them with their ex's. Your cousin still has a LOT going for her: she's educated, from an affluent family with a strong support system behind her.
Be fearless...tell her to leave this scumbag behind.
Re: Cousin- Divorce?
I don’t think anyone here is saying it will be easy for her. But it cannot be worse than what it is now. She already has two things going for her: her education and parental support. This is a no-brainer.
@kakee I want to refer you to Quran 13:11
Even if it is hard to do, the change has to start from the ‘victim’. Others will help her, but she needs to take the initiative.
Re: Cousin- Divorce?
I really didn't want to get involved in this topic, but from personal experience this is a sign of black magic done to break up the couple. Seek the Quran, genuine Islamic alim/scholar for some help.
Black magic? Hm each to their own
If it was me in the situation i would walk. No man or woman is worth the love they claim they have if all you get is tortured in return. OP being divorced is not the end of the world. There are many people out there that do find happiness again. As for her father saying hel get the guy psych help why? Shouldnt his parents be doing that! Stop wasting money on this guy. His intentions are clear. He just wants everything and gives crap in return.
He beats her he wants her earning and her gold her parents money. Im sorry your aunt and uncle didnt sell their daughter to him to put up with his crazy ass demands. Kick the guy to the kerb. The sooner the better! I had a friend who got married by choice had a massive wedding and all, within days he was beating her abusing her her marriage lasted 4 months. Theres only so much a person can take! Shes now happily remarried and in a better situation.
Allah swt is there for everyone. She doesnt need to feel alone.
I really didn't want to get involved in this topic, but from personal experience this is a sign of black magic done to break up the couple. Seek the Quran, genuine Islamic alim/scholar for some help.
Re: Cousin- Divorce?
It is better to be alone and make your own way in this world than to have your life (and the lives of future children) tied to someone who makes you miserable (or worse).
Re: Cousin- Divorce?
Lol don’t talk to me ever again.
She took the initiative of telling the OP about it. Jesus, PakLinks is just one after another of unrealistic people who obviously do not work and have never encountered victims of abuse.
Re: Cousin- Divorce?
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Re: Cousin- Divorce?
Lol don't talk to me ever again.
She took the initiative of telling the OP about it. Jesus, PakLinks is just one after another of unrealistic people who obviously do not work and have never encountered victims of abuse.
kakee...you've never really encountered much aside from sushi and kangaroos...do we assume you're ignorant? :)
No. We could, but we don't.
Re: Cousin- Divorce?
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mmm-hmmm...dats right!
Re: Cousin- Divorce?
I really didn't want to get involved in this topic, but from personal experience this is a sign of black magic done to break up the couple. Seek the Quran, genuine Islamic alim/scholar for some help.
No offence, I don't get this sort of advice. How does this in any way shape or form help the OP?
Re: Cousin- Divorce?
kakee...you've never really encountered much aside from sushi and kangaroos...do we assume you're ignorant? :)
No. We could, but we don't.
LOL
So, you're another ignorant person? Because that statement of yours is awfully ignorant. The way people respond is what any person who is a social worker, and other similar types of occupation would tell you that they are being ignorant.
That they do not understand what it means to be abused to the point that you are not yourself anymore. Also, love the quotations of 'victim'
Re: Cousin- Divorce?
LOL So, you're another ignorant person? Because that statement of yours is awfully ignorant. The way people respond is what any person who is a social worker, and other similar types of occupation would tell you that they are being ignorant.
That they do not understand what it means to be abused to the point that you are not yourself anymore. Also, love the quotations of 'victim'
So you're a social worker that works with victims of domestic violence? I had no idea that's what you did for a living or that you had a PhD in the matter. You cannot say what a social worker would or would not do or say because you're are not one and have zilch experience to speak of it
The people who posted in this thread have varying opinions just like yourself but all have given well meant advice. If you have an issue with Paklinks or it seems more like Pakistani people you're free to not interact with them or post in this thread.
But do not come into threads and blanket-insult people again and stay on topic with respect to the OP's question.
Can I get an AMEN! @Reha
[quote="kakee, post:309, topic:320885"]
LOL So, you're another ignorant person? Because that statement of yours is awfully ignorant. The way people respond is what any person who is a social worker, and other similar types of occupation would tell you that they are being ignorant.
That they do not understand what it means to be abused to the point that you are not yourself anymore. Also, love the quotations of 'victim'
So you're a social worker that works with victims of domestic violence? I had no idea that's what you did for a living or that you had a PhD in the matter. You cannot say what a social worker would or would not do or say because you're are not one and have zilch experience to speak of it
The people who posted in this thread have varying opinions just like yourself but all have given well meant advice. If you have an issue with Paklinks or it seems more like Pakistani people you're free to not interact with them or post in this thread.
But do not come into threads and blanket-insult people again and stay on topic with respect to the OP's question.
[/QUOTE]
Re: Cousin- Divorce?
Your cousin also needs to take into consideration the safety of her children. Being a single divorcee is miles better than if one day he physically abuses their children and causes irreversible harm :(
Re: Cousin- Divorce?
So you're a social worker that works with victims of domestic violence? I had no idea that's what you did for a living or that you had a PhD in the matter. You cannot say what a social worker would or would not do or say because you're are not one and have zilch experience to speak of it
The people who posted in this thread have varying opinions just like yourself but all have given well meant advice. If you have an issue with Paklinks or it seems more like Pakistani people you're free to not interact with them or post in this thread.
But do not come into threads and blanket-insult people again and stay on topic with respect to the OP's question.
Except for the fact that I was addressing those who were making ignorant comments. If PakLinks was a representation of Pakistan then Pakistan sure must be rich. I love how you hinted that I was prejudice against Pakistanis even though that is not the case.