girly, did I say I was sacrificing by taking a maternity leave? I said " that is it" coz I won't be leaving my job permanently or anything, just the maternity leave.
Like after one is 60+(after career is nearly over), one has to worry more about walking straight rather than one's identity or stuff. At 60+ relaxing is a good thing to do. No need to be occupied with things.. but the age at which kids leave home.. for parents it is usually 40+.. and at 40+ I cannot just relax and wait for my death to comeby.
Yeah agreed..nature of relationships changes etc.. but why would not the children respect and love me if I work?
honey, u are underestimating money and the materialistic things necessary in life. I can give love to my kids even when I work. But I cannot provide a better and fuller life while sitting at home. By better I mean, the best I can afford for them.
^
And why would you ask that? You are trying to show I care more about money and thus there are some major "issues" behind it?
Excuse me for wanting to lead a good life and thus wanting to hold a job or run a business eventually. Don't ya agree the financial situation is better if both the partners work?
Uff people! What is so wrong about wanting to lead a better life when it is so much in our own hands to make it a better one.
Ok I'm done arguing with you FRaudiya. I clearly said that I was not talking about strenous jobs like doctors and surgeons et al which you conveniently ignored when you gave your sisters example. As Sarah said we can argue from either perspective and no would would ever win. Any way to each his own.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Chandbeti: *
^
And why would you ask that? You are trying to show I care more about money and thus there are some major "issues" behind it?
Excuse me for wanting to lead a good life and thus wanting to hold a job or run a business eventually. Don't ya agree the financial situation is better if both the partners work?
Uff people! What is so wrong about wanting to lead a better life when it is so much in our own hands to make it a better one.
[/QUOTE]
Actually you are the one who assumed all of the above. My simple reason behind asking this was that from my experience those who dont grow up with too much money dont care for it all that much. Those that do grow up financially secure havnt experienced not really having money and to them it seems like life must be really hard if one doesnt have the latest designer wear and what not.
Anyways, the topic is straying away again. Yeah we GS people are generally very thick minded when it comes to our views and most will never change, that goes for me and most others ive known here.
Anyways chandbeti, instead of being accusatory in every piece you write, try and be a bit more relaxed, GS and its inhabitants are not worth getting stressed over :)
Financial situation is much better when both partners work, i agree, but in all honesty many dont care much about all the bells and whistles that come with being rich. I for one would much rather have the piece of mind knowing my children are growing up into responsible human beings under the guidance of their mother. Look around you, the western society and its 'freedoms' that you seem to covet so much have lead to a morally decayed society falling apart at the seems. Children donot respect their parents anymore, who are hardly around when they grow up. Family values seem to be almost non existant, and teenage girls are more concerned about looking and acting like the latest female popstar than with the important things in life.
Ah well, but life isnt what it used to be anymore i guess. The times have changed and maybe im still stuck in the past but forgive me for strongly believing in family values and being so critical of the west.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Maniac: *
Those that do grow up financially secure havnt experienced not really having money and to them it seems like life must be really hard if one doesnt have the latest designer wear and what not.
[/QUOTE]
Very true. My father has spent his entire working life in a sector (banking) with much higher levels of salary (and much higher stress, too) than the sector that I work in (consumer goods), and even though I'm just 22 I'm already extremely concerned about how on earth I would be able to provide my future family with the same quality of life that I had when I was growing up - and the only answer that comes to mind is to marry a woman with a career.
It certainly sounds like some of you don’t yet have children and think that staying at home is the “easy” life. Having little ones at home is far from laid back and easy. They love to climb, stick little fingers into sockets, draw on walls, play splashy in the toilet, yank the dog’s tail, take things apart, throw keys and other useful items into the garbage pail etc etc etc! Turn your back for 30 seconds and its just about guaranteed that they’re getting into something they shouldn’t be! So getting in some housework is a Herculean task! Doing laundry is lots of fun! They think that the washer is a basketball hoop so they’ll try to toss in anything they can. I’m teaching them that its CLOTHES that go in there but clothes don’t make a noise when they “score” so its much more fun to toss in the TV remote! I enjoy them endlessly but I am tired by the time my dear husband gets home and its definitely an “earned” tired.
Chandbeti, you think that my attitude about the importance of having a loving parent at home is contributing to the poor stance of women in Pak? Sorry, I think its more husbands and fathers who deny women their choices in life and keep them at home. Please note that I said “having a loving PARENT at home”, I didn’t specify gender. And yes it is important, it’s the best thing for any child to have a loving parent at home (note I said LOVING). IF they have the choice. I am so abundantly blessed to be able to be at home with my little ones and I never take that for granted. I’m SO thankful every day for all that I have and I really feel for those who don’t have the choice. Those that do have the choice and choose to work over staying with their little ones, well that’s selfish. And it teaches the little one that money is more important than they are. Chandbeti, you sound so disdainful of “breeding” that I hope you don’t “breed” unless your views change substantially. I mean, you could hire a surrogate to take care of the nasty breeding for you and then send “it” off to boarding school and meet “it” once its all self sufficient. That’s one cold attitude there. Many women from Pak have that problem – maybe because they were raised with the attitude that women are “less” than men? Anyway, I wish for you a great career and I hope that somehow it helps you find yourself. I wish you could know the absolute joy of motherhood though. What could be more powerful and fulfilling than bringing a new life into the world? Not something any man can do. And being the one who teaches the new life what its all about? Now that’s a powerful job! When I worked on wall st., I helped build a state-of-the art trading floor. What excitement! But guess what? It was obsolete and out of date almost immediately. Now helping shape the lives of my boys will never be obsolete. And the joys of seeing the first smile, the first steps, first words. Priceless, as amex says. And ask any kid - would they rather have a parent at home or have an (outrageously expensive) toy? Invariably, they would want the parent.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Femme Fatale: *
Ok I'm done arguing with you FRaudiya. I clearly said that I was not talking about strenous jobs like doctors and surgeons et al which you conveniently ignored when you gave your sisters example. As Sarah said we can argue from either perspective and no would would ever win. Any way to each his own.
[/QUOTE]
There is no argument, as long as you dont make comments like you dont think men can multi-task, or are unable to handle things all is well.
when you make statements like that, either defend them or just say you were wrong and move on.
The point which I am making, which is not an rgument is that taking care of children may take a lot of time, but it is mostly routine, low stress work, where you can easily multi task. cleaning while playing, cooking while looking after them are easier then taking care of them while you change the oil of a car.
Too many owmen make this out to be some extremely high stress, high effort job as if they are on an assmebly line for 24 hrs a day, which is clearly not the case. Why is it that some women are able to manage, and some do not? because it is in discipline, work ethic and effort.
Does taking care of children take time, yes it does, is it tough, indeed..is it as tough as some make it out to be. No
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Femme Fatale: *
I have no problem admitting my mistakes if i make any. Here I didn't.
My pleasure.
[/QUOTE]
Okay, then teh following statement was not a chauvanistic statement but an inquiry due to lack of knowledge?
*Are guys even good at the sort of multi-tasking being a stay-at-home parents requires. *
In which case, let me give you the simple answer.
yes, guys are very good at the type of multi-tasking that being a stay at home parent requires. the proof is in teh growing number of men who have become stay at home parents in the US.
Actually you are the one who assumed all of the above. My simple reason behind asking this was that from my experience those who dont grow up with too much money dont care for it all that much. Those that do grow up financially secure havnt experienced not really having money and to them it seems like life must be really hard if one doesnt have the latest designer wear and what not.
Anyways, the topic is straying away again. Yeah we GS people are generally very thick minded when it comes to our views and most will never change, that goes for me and most others ive known here.
Anyways chandbeti, instead of being accusatory in every piece you write, try and be a bit more relaxed, GS and its inhabitants are not worth getting stressed over :)
Financial situation is much better when both partners work, i agree, but in all honesty many dont care much about all the bells and whistles that come with being rich. I for one would much rather have the piece of mind knowing my children are growing up into responsible human beings under the guidance of their mother. Look around you, the western society and its 'freedoms' that you seem to covet so much have lead to a morally decayed society falling apart at the seems. Children donot respect their parents anymore, who are hardly around when they grow up. Family values seem to be almost non existant, and teenage girls are more concerned about looking and acting like the latest female popstar than with the important things in life.
Ah well, but life isnt what it used to be anymore i guess. The times have changed and maybe im still stuck in the past but forgive me for strongly believing in family values and being so critical of the west.
[/QUOTE]
Okay! I am sorry for making assumptions. But I really can't get over some people's mentalities.
And yeah, western society is decaying but is our desi culture far behind it in terms of getting rotten? NO, there are problems in every family back home too. It is just that they are not allowed to come out of the closets. Ya think children who have a stay at home mom don't turn out bad? I have seen many such examples to lose my faith in it.
Just because a female works an outside job.. does not mean family values go down the drain. It just needs more effort. And some women and their husbands are willing to take the effort.
Chandbeti, you think that my attitude about the importance of having a loving parent at home is contributing to the poor stance of women in Pak? Sorry, I think its more husbands and fathers who deny women their choices in life and keep them at home. Please note that I said “having a loving PARENT at home”, I didn’t specify gender. And yes it is important, it’s the best thing for any child to have a loving parent at home (note I said LOVING). IF they have the choice. I am so abundantly blessed to be able to be at home with my little ones and I never take that for granted. I’m SO thankful every day for all that I have and I really feel for those who don’t have the choice. Those that do have the choice and choose to work over staying with their little ones, well that’s selfish. And it teaches the little one that money is more important than they are. Chandbeti, you sound so disdainful of “breeding” that** I hope you don’t “breed” unless your views change substantially. I mean, you could hire a surrogate to take care of the nasty breeding for you and then send “it” off to boarding school and meet “it” once its all self sufficient*. That’s one cold attitude there. Many women from Pak have that problem – maybe because they were raised with the attitude that women are “less” than men? Anyway, I wish for you a great career and I hope that somehow it helps you find yourself. I wish you could know the absolute joy of motherhood though. What could be more powerful and fulfilling than bringing a new life into the world? Not something any man can do. And being the one who teaches the new life what its all about? Now that’s a powerful job! When I worked on wall st., I helped build a state-of-the art trading floor. What excitement! But guess what? It was obsolete and out of date almost immediately. Now helping shape the lives of my boys will never be obsolete. And the joys of seeing the first smile, the first steps, first words. Priceless, as **amex* says. And ask any kid - would they rather have a parent at home or have an (outrageously expensive) toy? Invariably, they would want the parent.
[/QUOTE]
first let me correct ya.. it is not amex, it is mastercard. :)
So, u think I should not be a mother coz I don't want to sit at home and want to earn more money for a better future for me and my family. Well honey, if you were not the age of my aunt I would have said things like.. "If only every dog's wish came true". But I'll let go of it.
I am not going to be the first mother to take this "giagantic" leap. So you feel so low about every working mother huh? You think it is selfish? I think stay at home moms are LAZY! they just dont want a stressful life.
Honey, you gave up a good job, god for you. I won't do the same I know. I can still have the joys of parenting while holding my job. I think I can handle it. It maybe hard for some people.. But I am willing to give it a try. :)
P.S: Will you be the surrogate mother of my future kids? And then the nanny. You seem to read me like an open book.. :)
Listen, I apologize if I offended you. Truly. But try to go back and really read what I wrote when you arent feeling angry and defensive. I think maybe you'll be less offended.
Making assumptions like you did about stay at home moms being lazy and not wanting a stressful life was way off base. My oldest boy has a medical condition which has taken away his desire to eat. Completely. I spend more than an hour to get a small meal in him. More than 4 hours a day to get him to eat enough calories. Each day that I get him to eat enough is a major victory - if he doesnt then he will have to go for surgery to implant a feeding tube in his stomach. So we go over to the next state for his medical problems and we have therapists coming in to the house 4 times a week. So the house always has to look at least somewhat decent. And I need to spend time with my other 2 little boys so that they know they are as special to me as the older one - they are too young to understand that he has troubles and needs the extra time. Am I complaining? Absolutely not. I have my issues and they are my own. I meet my issues each day with a smile on my face and determination in my heart. But I know that no one will care for my boys the way that I and my husband do. We, the ones that gave them life. Every stay at home parent has issues to one degree or another, of one type or another. Laziness isnt an option. I'm sure there must be lazy ones out there, but I've yet to meet one. The only "lazy" stay at homes I've met are in Pak where they have servants - to cook, clean, take care of little ones etc.
I've been in the working world. And yes its stressful. But there is stress too in parenthood. Stress that affects permanently the lives of humans that you yourself created. May you realize that. And let it have at least a little impact on your views.