Re: Could you be good/close friends with someone completely different to you?
You can message her on special occasions, but give her space. If she doesn't respond to the Eid message, don't contact her to ask why she hasn't. Just leave her be. If there is a third party that is influencing her in a negative way, she may not realize it if you keep bugging her about it. Sometimes when you leave a person alone, things become clearer to them.
You can message her on special occasions, but give her space. If she doesn't respond to the Eid message, don't contact her to ask why she hasn't. Just leave her be. If there is a third party that is influencing her in a negative way, she may not realize it if you keep bugging her about it. Sometimes when you leave a person alone, things become clearer to them.
I think that's a good approach. I will give her space. I am not going to ask her why she is not responding. The two messages i sent for Eid just wished her and her family Eid mubarak and the second message was sent in case the first didn't reach her. I will only message her on her bday, Eid and NY. If she replies or not is up to her. I had a feeling she was perhaps mingling with some people who had quite conservative views and she said some of her extended relatives were liberal but some of the ones who moved here were more conservative. She went to this community rishta event and she said that there were guys who had a range of beliefs. There were some guys who were more liberal and others quite conservative. One of the guys she met said he was religious, like her, which is good because i'd hope she would find someone of the same religious level as her. She said he was quite conservative when it came to social stuff and thought one should not have close friends who are not of same background. I kind of joked with her like i do and said "Wow. That's quite strict. I'm sure there would be exceptions to those rules. I'm sure he won't mind our friendship. If you got married to someone who thought like that you'd still be friends with me right? I'd still be invited to your wedding, right?" And she was like of course, don't be silly. You're one of my closest friends.
Anyway, their baat is not fixed or anything. I think he is too strict for her. I don't even know now it's up to her to decide. I think i probably shouldn't have joked about that.
I don't understand. We've been friends for 9 years and shared many common events/experiences like for eg. going to a Rahat together, watching Bollywood movies together and lately sharing Pakistani dramas with each other. She introduced me to the world of Pakistani dramas and got me intrigued/addicted into watching many series. How can she do that and then disappear? Yeh sahi nahi hai. She also told my parents about good dramas and my dad watched all of them. When i didn't know meaning of urdu words i wrote them down and she asked her parents.
If my dad asks about what new dramas your friend suggests i'll have to say the distance is too great for her to tell now. At least I have showbiz Pakistan to discuss and learn about Pakistani dramas from friends here. Lekin 9 years of friendship and losing a Pakistani friend like her will definitely leave a void in my real life friendship circle. When i knew about any good Pakistani movies showing here like Bol i would let her know. she would let me know about anything Bollywood/Pakistani drama related. I used to share with her any interesting knowledge i learnt on GS or elsewhere about Pakistan that she did not know. In those 9 formative years there was no event or situation which had affected our friendship which is why this seems so strange. Even with cricket whenever Pakistan won against India i would be the first to congratulate her and when India would win she would congratulate me. We had plans to travel subcontinent together. She used to joke that if she comes across an Indian rishta she will let me know and I told her I would do the same if i came across a good Pakistani rishta especially since im on GS. Now that she is not responding i can't even tell her of replies im getting on GS's zaroorat e rishta. Last time i play matchmaker. This was way before my last matchmaking debacle.
Re: Could you be good/close friends with someone completely different to you?
You may never know those reasons. There's a chance she may never tell you or might not be completely honest about it. And no, I don't think knowing the reasons will make you feel any better. We tend to think it would, but it will just hurt more to know the reasons for rejection. Sometimes we do get closure from the person who hurt us, but many times we don't...so you have to be the one to give yourself that closure...to detach and move on.
Friendship is based upon more than just knowledge of Pakistani dramas. You're too concerned about getting their approval/acceptance and it shouldn't be this hard. And yes, contrary to what u think, you are sounding like the over-enthusiastic, eager-to-please, intense friend. If they don't reciprocate, of course it will hurt...but then you move on.
Isn't it the right thing to do though? If you are friends with someone for nearly a decade and for whatever reason you can't reciprocate the friendship, shouldn't it be something you tell the person? even if it's not a completely honest reason the person should know before being cut off.
Pakistani dramas was just an example. The friendship was based on more than just Pakistan/Indian things. It was based for many years on trust, communication, being reliable and loyal as well as understanding each other's points of view. I guess till recently. Anyway, im going to be optimistic about it. I was also wondering whether other people had gone through similar situations.
One shouldn't get too attached to any relationship be it friendship or whatever else. That's how i feel after this. A part of me hopes she will be how she was before. If not, then there is no other option but moving on.
Re: Could you be good/close friends with someone completely different to you?
Friendships are overrated anyway . Especially with friendships between female friends. Guys can have friendships with other guys that last past marriage but I've noticed for many females it's not that easy.
Re: Could you be good/close friends with someone completely different to you?
I don't share a common religion with any of my best friends - one is Hindu, another is Christian and one is Buddhist. It's never been a big deal and we've always taken part in each other's festivities with curiosity. I don't choose friends like that anyways, I could care less what race/religion/country they are from, as long as they are kind and we share SOME similarities. I think I choose my friends based on who I can be myself around. I have nothing against girls who are into clubbing, partying, etc but that's never been my scene and so I can't really get into a lifestyle like that and feel comfortable.
My friends and me might be seen as "boring" to some but we have engaging conversations and they are from good families and girls who my parents adore as well and see as a great influence. I think most of all, I know they are people who I can count on and who have been by my side when I was down or needed moral support during tough times in my life. I honestly believe friends should bring out your best qualities and not your worse... so I can never understand why people would want to be with a group of friends to simply "fit in".
Re: Could you be good/close friends with someone completely different to you?
Friendships are overrated anyway . Especially with friendships between female friends. Guys can have friendships with other guys that last past marriage but I've noticed for many females it's not that easy.
I have had friends who have been there for me when others haven't. I never thought that'd happen but it did.
Re: Could you be good/close friends with someone completely different to you?
I don't share a common religion with any of my best friends - one is Hindu, another is Christian and one is Buddhist. It's never been a big deal and we've always taken part in each other's festivities with curiosity. I don't choose friends like that anyways, I could care less what race/religion/country they are from, as long as they are kind and we share SOME similarities. I think I choose my friends based on who I can be myself around. I have nothing against girls who are into clubbing, partying, etc but that's never been my scene and so I can't really get into a lifestyle like that and feel comfortable.
My friends and me might be seen as "boring" to some but we have engaging conversations and they are from good families and girls who my parents adore as well and see as a great influence. I think most of all, I know they are people who I can count on and who have been by my side when I was down or needed moral support during tough times in my life. I honestly believe friends should bring out your best qualities and not your worse... so I can never understand why people would want to be with a group of friends to simply "fit in".
I agree with that. Just because someone is same background doesn't mean they will make great friends. To let someone new come and spoil an ongoing long term friendship isn't tight either. I don't get why female friendships don't tend to last as long as male ones especially when issues interfere.
Re: Could you be good/close friends with someone completely different to you?
I have had friends who have been there for me when others haven't. I never thought that'd happen but it did.
True. Friends come in handy in those situations. Yet when you have a long term friend and they just stop responding randomly and they've told you about these views had others have it makes you wonder whether friendships are worthwhile in today's day and age.
Re: Could you be good/close friends with someone completely different to you?
I have had friends who have been there for me when others haven't. I never thought that'd happen but it did.
True. Friends come in handy in those situations. Yet when you have a long term friend and they just stop responding randomly and they've told you about these views had others have it makes you wonder whether friendships are worthwhile in today's day and age.
Re: Could you be good/close friends with someone completely different to you?
No drums. Violin.
Oh nice :) best instrument to play in a sad scene or at the end of a sad story when 2 friends dissolve their friendship.
Any tips on how to resolve misunderstandings between u and a pakistani friend influenced by others?
Oh nice best instrument to play in a sad scene or at the end of a sad story when 2 friends dissolve their friendship.
Any tips on how to resolve misunderstandings between u and a pakistani friend influenced by others?
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A Pakistani influenced by others is a gone case. Give up and find someone from Nepal to be friends with
Re: Could you be good/close friends with someone completely different to you?
A Pakistani influenced by others is a gone case. Give up and find someone from Nepal to be friends with
Nepali is an interesting choice. But I can't discuss pakistani dramas with a Nepali girl and India-Pakistan cricket games won't be the same. I don't even want to go to the India vs pakistani World Cup game next yr in feb. you and niksik can have my ticket :): p was going to have a banner and mention GS maybe. Anyways not interested in cricket anymore.
Re: Could you be good/close friends with someone completely different to you?
How important is it to have things in common with someone who you consider a close friend. When i say common I mean common interests, common background/nationality/race, culture, religion? Do you feel you can become close friends with someone who is different in all/any of the above but otherwise they have similar internal values to you, they are loyal/reliable/easy to talk and communicate with? Or do you feel like somewhere down the line their differences will affect you and make you less of your own identity?
**Could you be good friends with someone completely different to you? Would you let your children be friends with someone very different?
Also this question is in relation to a situation came across recently. Do you think people from 2 areas of conflict can become close friends? Or do you think issues related to conflict will one day affect the friendship? What do you do when a third person says that such a close friendship is not possible and influences the friendship to distance that person from you for no real reason? That person obviously values the friendship that you have nurtured over many years but you notice that they are slowly getting influenced as the new person as they live than you. Do you just let it happen because you trust they won't get affected or do you reach out more to that friend to prove yourself to the person? **
I think it can happen if you don't let external events affect the friendship.
I used to think no, but I did become friends with someone of a background I never thought I would (not that I have anything against said background, just didn't think it'd happen). so I guess so. I think I said this in another thread, it's a matter of if you click with someone or not. Sometimes you can be perfect on paper, in "superficial" ways but not really be that close or hvae aa great friendship, and sometimes you can be total opposites but ....ya just click? it's hard to define what that click is..lol
best instrument to play in a sad scene or at the end of a sad story when 2 friends dissolve their friendship.