How important is it to have things in common with someone who you consider a close friend. When i say common I mean common interests, common background/nationality/race, culture, religion? Do you feel you can become close friends with someone who is different in all/any of the above but otherwise they have similar internal values to you, they are loyal/reliable/easy to talk and communicate with? Or do you feel like somewhere down the line their differences will affect you and make you less of your own identity?
**Could you be good friends with someone completely different to you? Would you let your children be friends with someone very different?
Also this question is in relation to a situation came across recently. Do you think people from 2 areas of conflict can become close friends? Or do you think issues related to conflict will one day affect the friendship? What do you do when a third person says that such a close friendship is not possible and influences the friendship to distance that person from you for no real reason? That person obviously values the friendship that you have nurtured over many years but you notice that they are slowly getting influenced as the new person as they live than you. Do you just let it happen because you trust they won’t get affected or do you reach out more to that friend to prove yourself to the person? **
I think it can happen if you don’t let external events affect the friendship.
Re: Could you be good/close friends with someone completely different to you?
like ke saath mein comment bhi karein iss situation pe. It’s different from the usual threads and maybe not as urgent but it’s still a life issue some of us face. Friendship is an important relationship as well.
Re: Could you be good/close friends with someone completely different to you?
As long as two people respect each other n do not touch controversial issues... We are all equal in the fact that we all are diffrent. We are all same in the fact that we all will never be the same. I have seen, People in a same nation turn against each other. So , common background does matter, but not always... It depends upon ur imagination n thinking.
Re: Could you be good/close friends with someone completely different to you?
Absolutely.
One of my BFFs is the same religion, culture but wayyyyyyyyyyyy more religious that I ever was. Its never affected us and we've been BFF's for over 15 years now Mashallah. She will advise sometimes but only if she's worried about me or feels like it can help me.
One of my close friends is a white girl...non-Muslim and the opposite of me. We're good friends because we do not question each other's beliefs or practices...we will try to learn and more often than not just accept the fact that we're different. We don't focus on differences...just the similarities and the things that make us unique and funny.
Re: Could you be good/close friends with someone completely different to you?
Absolutely.
One of my BFFs is the same religion, culture but wayyyyyyyyyyyy more religious that I ever was. Its never affected us and we've been BFF's for over 15 years now Mashallah. She will advise sometimes but only if she's worried about me or feels like it can help me.
One of my close friends is a white girl...non-Muslim and the opposite of me. We're good friends because we do not question each other's beliefs or practices...we will try to learn and more often than not just accept the fact that we're different. We don't focus on differences...just the similarities and the things that make us unique and funny.
what if someone close to you told you not to be friends with her because of this difference and she could influence you? Or told her she should not be friends with you? What would you do?
Re: Could you be good/close friends with someone completely different to you?
what if someone close to you told you not to be friends with her because of this difference and she could influence you? Or told her she should not be friends with you? What would you do?
I would tell her I appreciate her concern but I wasn't raised like that. I am good to people who are good to me - regardless of who and what they are.
But I also would be a little taken aback because I have never had people say these things to me.
When I make friends, they are just friends I laugh, hang out with, chill with, etc. I don't start telling people about my personal life...for that I have enough people to confide in.
Re: Could you be good/close friends with someone completely different to you?
I would tell her I appreciate her concern but I wasn't raised like that. I am good to people who are good to me - regardless of who and what they are.
But I also would be a little taken aback because I have never had people say these things to me.
When I make friends, they are just friends I laugh, hang out with, chill with, etc. I don't start telling people about my personal life...for that I have enough people to confide in.
what about if the person is someone older and someone you look upto who is saying that and you may be influenced by it. I guess what if your friend was part of a background that maybe a relative of your nationality/background would have issues with. And how would you deal with it if you were on the receiving end of being distanced because of those differences.
what if the person your friend may marry is from a conservative family and does not approve of the friendship? :/ She feels conflicted.
Re: Could you be good/close friends with someone completely different to you?
what about if the person is someone older and someone you look upto who is saying that and you may be influenced by it. I guess what if your friend was part of a background that maybe a relative of your nationality/background would have issues with. And how would you deal with it if you were on the receiving end of being distanced because of those differences.
what if the person your friend may marry is from a conservative family and does not approve of the friendship? :/ She feels conflicted.
Part of being an adult is making your own choices and being responsible for them. When you're a child, you need guidance because you don't know better.
When you're a grown up, you do the guiding.
What I am trying to say is...use your better judgment on this. If you believe your friendship will not impact you in anyway negatively, stay friends if you want to.
This has nothing to do with someone else, it has to do with what you feel you should do...or want to do.
Re: Could you be good/close friends with someone completely different to you?
What do you do when a third person says that such a close friendship is not possible and influences the friendship to distance that person from you for no real reason? **
.
Lemme guess. You're tryin' to befriend a Pakistani and a third person, a Bengali, is telling you that friendship not possible.
Re: Could you be good/close friends with someone completely different to you?
Lemme guess. You're tryin' to befriend a Pakistani and a third person, a Bengali, is telling you that friendship not possible.
That's quite a good guess actually. Not totally. I'm already friends with this person but it's been a while and recently i got in touch but she seems to have changed and become more conservative about friendships. Maybe influenced by her new surroundings and the person she might potentially marry. who is a bit conservative.
It may involve the nationalities you mentioned but i don't want to make it one of those threads.
Re: Could you be good/close friends with someone completely different to you?
Personally, I’ve never had any issues being friends with people that are quite different from me in terms of nationality, race, culture, or religion. I have a few friends that are of a different background and we get on quite well. One such friend is like a sibling to me. I don’t think that these things are major issues as long as you respect the other person’s beliefs and they respect yours. I find that having common interests is more important than having a common background in regards to friends.
In regards to your situation, I think you should give your friend some space. Often, when people are being influenced by someone, they don’t notice it initially until it becomes an issue. If this third person’s influence is having a negative effect on your friend, such as causing her to loose friends, she will eventually come to that conclusion on her own and address it appropriately. However, it’s something that she has to realise on her own. If you insist too much, you risk pushing her away.
Re: Could you be good/close friends with someone completely different to you?
one of my close childhood friend turned into a big political GhunDa and a murderer, the local police was afraid of him. he killed at least 5-7 innocent people before he was chased by the provincial constabulary and when he found himself completely surrounded and shot in the foot, he climbed on top of the high ground and with his AK-47 he killed 3 armed forces men and then shot himself in the head.
two of his brothers were also killed within a few months. one killed by the police and the other one accidentally shot himself.
as soon as he committed the first murder at age 15, i broke my friendship with him. i met him on several occasions but nothing more than salaam du'aa.
the only benefit i got from my friendship with him was that a lot of people were scared of me to death just because of my association with him in childhood years.
i always try my best to keep the friendship for ever.
Re: Could you be good/close friends with someone completely different to you?
Part of being an adult is making your own choices and being responsible for them. When you're a child, you need guidance because you don't know better.
When you're a grown up, you do the guiding.
What I am trying to say is...use your better judgment on this. If you believe your friendship will not impact you in anyway negatively, stay friends if you want to.
This has nothing to do with someone else, it has to do with what you feel you should do...or want to do.
True i agree with that. In my case, it's my friend who is distancing herself. I should have made it clearer. I just wanted to know what others would do if they were in her situation. Like others say i should probably give her some space. It's just that for the past 9 years we've always wished each other on occasions such as Eid and for the first time there's no response to my message. I sent it twice just in case she didn't get it. Only 2 months ago everything was fine. She has introduced me to Pakistani dramas and I introduced them to my family. She gave my dad good advice on what Pakistani dramas to watch. We also went to Rahat's concert here and also to SRK's concert. I told her about GS and that one day we should visit Pakistan together and she said that we should travel India and the subcontinent together as some of her family were from India pre-partition. No such issues have affected us in the past. Even with cricket matches if Pakistan wins i am the first to congratulate her and if India wins she congratulates me. We don't mention to each other when our sides win against each other because i guess we don't want to hurt the other's feelings.
Anyway the situation is out of my hands. I don't want to come across as a an over-enthusiastic friend so I leave it in her hands whether she wants to reply to me or not. But i will continue to wish her on her bday and on Eid. It is up to her whether she responds or not. I cannot control her actions but I can control mine. I think if you offer genuine true friendship to someone you should keep your side of the deal even if the other person is maybe having a hard time deciding on the friendship.
Re: Could you be good/close friends with someone completely different to you?
Savera, give your friend space to decide what she wants. Don't impose on someone, it'll only push them further away.
Ok i'll do that but at least she can reply to my Eid message. It doesn't take long and she's been replying for the past 9 years. I will still keep wishing her every year at this time and on her bday even if she doesn't reply.
Re: Could you be good/close friends with someone completely different to you?
Ok i'll do that but at least she can reply to my Eid message. It doesn't take long and she's been replying for the past 9 years. I will still keep wishing her every year at this time and on her bday even if she doesn't reply.
You can message her on special occasions, but give her space. If she doesn't respond to the Eid message, don't contact her to ask why she hasn't. Just leave her be. If there is a third party that is influencing her in a negative way, she may not realize it if you keep bugging her about it. Sometimes when you leave a person alone, things become clearer to them.
Re: Could you be good/close friends with someone completely different to you?
Personally, I’ve never had any issues being friends with people that are quite different from me in terms of nationality, race, culture, or religion. I have a few friends that are of a different background and we get on quite well. One such friend is like a sibling to me. I don’t think that these things are major issues as long as you respect the other person’s beliefs and they respect yours. I find that having common interests is more important than having a common background in regards to friends.
In regards to your situation, I think you should give your friend some space. Often, when people are being influenced by someone, they don’t notice it initially until it becomes an issue. If this third person’s influence is having a negative effect on your friend, such as causing her to loose friends, she will eventually come to that conclusion on her own and address it appropriately. However, it’s something that she has to realise on her own. If you insist too much, you risk pushing her away.
That's a good approach and very mature as well. I think i will give her space. At the very least even if she decides that she decides that the friendship is not for her it would be good to know reasons why. Just for closure as with any friendship. At least reply to my Eid message. I've known her for 9 years and I'd hope there would be enough good moments from those times for her not to be influenced by others whether they be extended family or future family. I don't know if it's all friends or just me. I think if they got to know me and realised how much knowledge i have of Pakistani dramas and Pakistani things just from being on GS they will change their minds.
Re: Could you be good/close friends with someone completely different to you?
one of my close childhood friend turned into a big political GhunDa and a murderer, the local police was afraid of him. he killed at least 5-7 innocent people before he was chased by the provincial constabulary and when he found himself completely surrounded and shot in the foot, he climbed on top of the high ground and with his AK-47 he killed 3 armed forces men and then shot himself in the head.
two of his brothers were also killed within a few months. one killed by the police and the other one accidentally shot himself.
as soon as he committed the first murder at age 15, i broke my friendship with him. i met him on several occasions but nothing more than salaam du'aa.
the only benefit i got from my friendship with him was that a lot of people were scared of me to death just because of my association with him in childhood years.
i always try my best to keep the friendship for ever.
That must have been quite traumatic for you. I don't think i could be friends with someone who murdered someone either. At least when breaking off a friendship/not responding one should give a reason. So other person at least knows. That is good communication which you did.
Re: Could you be good/close friends with someone completely different to you?
. At the very least even if she decides that she decides that the friendship is not for her it would be good to know reasons why. Just for closure as with any friendship.
You may never know those reasons. There's a chance she may never tell you or might not be completely honest about it. And no, I don't think knowing the reasons will make you feel any better. We tend to think it would, but it will just hurt more to know the reasons for rejection. Sometimes we do get closure from the person who hurt us, but many times we don't...so you have to be the one to give yourself that closure...to detach and move on.
Friendship is based upon more than just knowledge of Pakistani dramas. You're too concerned about getting their approval/acceptance and it shouldn't be this hard. And yes, contrary to what u think, you are sounding like the over-enthusiastic, eager-to-please, intense friend. If they don't reciprocate, of course it will hurt...but then you move on.