For those who have lost your parents, how have you coped?
My dad’s one year anniversary is coming up … and I feel like I’ve had to learn how to walk all over again over the past year. Losing your parents is like losing your limbs, except in the real world, you can’t grow new arms or legs, you need to just make do without them. Nobody really understands … as it is different for everybody. People who I have spoken to who have gone through a similar loss, nobody can share the pain. It is so individualized. It’s different even for us siblings. How I handled my father’s death is different from how my sister/brother handled it. How my mother is dealing with it is on a whole other level. To share your life with someone from your teenage years into adulthood … even I cannot begin to comprehend what she has lost.
Sorry to hear about your loss. My father passed away in late 2006, been 3 years but the pain never subsides. We are so used to having our parents around and we don't realize that until after we lose them. There never is a right time to lose a parent or to lose any loved one, and all we can do is have faith in what Allah has decided for them. Allah has a special one-to-one relationship with every single human he has created. It is hard to comprehend by looking at our own situation, the pain just doesn't let us understand. It is a well developed system, everybody is moving towards the same destination, one after the other. Our parents leave today, we will follow, and then our children - be that in this order or not. Look at it this way, it is harder for a parent to bury a child, because it is more naturally right for the children to bury the parents. Alhamdulilah my father did not have to go through the trauma of carrying a dead child's janaza. Humans depreciate with time, there is a peak and then there is decline. Allah knows best, there is a right time for everyone to leave. It leaves a huge space and we miss those who leave for our own sake. But for the sake of those who leave, it is the right time.
I don't know if anything I say is any helpful, but their memories are a precious asset. We have to accept the loss, submit to Allah's will, and the best we can do is pray for their souls. They need our prayers. Time goes fast, we wouldn't even know when we will be in their position, and then we will follow them to our ultimate destination. If we leave behind someone who is there to pray for us, we are lucky. Your parents are lucky that they have left you behind to pray for them and to continue what they left unfinished.
You will be in my prayers inshalah. Please pray that all the departed souls rest in peace, and Allah gives us enough strength and will to make them proud and to be able to face Allah and our parents in there hereafter.
my khala lost her husband last yr.. it came as a major shock as he was only in his early 40's and mashallah they have 5 kids (the youngest is only 3yrs old) they were the most loving couple u could come across (even after all those yrs), i still hvnt got over it.. and she never will, she cries herself to sleep every night.. breaks my heart everytime i think about it..
you never get over losing someone, esp a parent (may Allah tala bless my parents with a long long healthy life) even thinking about losing them scares the hell out of me cos i couldnt cope with it, my parents are my everything..
all i no is that time is the best healer, Allah knows best & if He has brought you to it, He will help you through it.. be patient
Brings tears to my eyes just reading this, i am very fortunate to have both parents around, however i see before me my father who is getting weaker and weaker as the years go by and i dread that inevitable day.
May Allah SWT give you the patience that you so need, no loss is as great as that as your parents i believe.
Like in an earlier post, you are a blessing that they have left behind, ensure you remember them in your prayers regularly and ask for thier forgiveness.
The best healing process for anybody will be prayer and dua. I will remember you and your parents in my prayers today.
There are very few regrets I have when it comes to my relationship with my dad, which is why it is easier for me to accept that he's gone .... if that makes any sense. It doesn't make the pain any less though. Everyday, and I mean everyday, I would give him a hug and puppi before going to sleep and tell him I love him. From when I was a little girl, up until the day he left for the hospital.
So he knew how I felt about him ... and I knew how much he loved me too.
We have not!!
But we got to thank allah for the time he gave us with our loving parents. Some kids lost their fathers when they were in grade 2-5 I am definitely more lucky that. I had my father for till I became independent. I lost my mom when I was like 5.
For you its too early to get settle down with the changed reality.
As far as coping goes.. It never happens… but when you got your own kids/nephews/nieces… and they don’t remember their grand-parents… they look up to you as you once looked up to your parents… only then you realize… Allah has moved you to the next level of life.
I'm sorry for u're loss Mehnaz, I don't think it's ever easy to cope with losing a parent. May Allah swt grant all those that have passed place in jannah, Ameen.
It's been several years since I lost my father. The anniversary of his death is October 12.
I lost my mother just 6 and a half years ago....just a little over a month after I had Noor.
Nothing helps this loss. My beloved dad passed about 3 years ago and I am still in a state of shock that this honorable, infallible and invincible man could have passed. It hits me like a brick wall, even still, that he isnt here for me to talk to. Something that helps a little bit is to remember and talk about the person who has passed, to keep photos around, to keep in contact with those who loved him or her. But its a tough thing even still. It tears a hole in your heart thats so big that it will never fully heal. So I try to fill that hole with happy memories and thoughts for and about him.
My heart goes out to you because I know what it is to suffer such a devastating loss.
My dad is gone for 14 yrs now, his death anniversary is 20th of Oct. Only last night I was thinking that one day our kids would be remembering like that once we are gone. Suddenly my loss becomes less painful than what their emotional loss would be. I actually prayed for the health and life of my kids and my wife and myself.
I was 8 when my dad passed away. Being the eldest with 4 little siblings in nappies my mum had to make it through every piece of crap that was thrown at her and she got there in the end. I was so lost, I was the eldest and had no1 but my dad to look up to. Y'know the littlest things he did that made him look like the coolest father in the world even if it was just to get the clock working again or fixing the light bulb. It's really painful and you never ever heal. Even after a decade now the wounds are as fresh as ever and the memories that come with it. Everything that my mum had to go through, all the people who made it that much worse for us, the tears in my siblings' eyes even if they were babies and didn't understand what was going on. It's like as if it was only tomorrow.
I just wish I had him right now, to see how we've had to deal with his loss and how we've had to adjust everything and how we've been through so much and we're still on this journey, without him. I know for a fact if he was here things would be COMPLETELY different. It's just so weird how much of a difference ONE person can make. Especially a father, a father being the man of the house holds so much importance, he looks after you, he's there to catch yu when you fall, he'd go out on a limb to protect you from harm. And not having that is like not having your skin to protect all your organs, which are ready to be hurt so easily.
The love and prayers I have for my dad are endless. I guess now that's all they need, our prayers to be with them. Inshallah and Ameen.
Thats what I am talking about. OK not a good response. But point beautifully made.
Once you have kids we got put out grieving on back seat, because its time to ensure kid’s happiness.
Like changing positions..
It still rips my heart apart..thinking about them.. but can’t let that in the way of my nephews/nieces happiness…(one day my own kids).. I luv when i teach them some thing.. when they act around me the way I acted around my previous generation.
tlk u good dude.. chalo ab bacho ko ice-cream ly ker do…
I don't think we can cope. The way I see it is that time goes on and we must too.
The only thing I dont and cant cope with is the knowing what my mother thinks of every decision and step I take in my life. I sometimes feel that I need her just to tell me that what im doing is ok and she's happy with it. Very selfish reasons for wanting my mother back! I was in my teens when she died, so I wasnt young, but for the first 3 or 4 years I used to think that if I prayed hard enough God would allow her to be alive again.
a close relative of mine have gone through so much, i cannot believe how she have made it until now. She is probably around 35 or up and got married when she was 20 or so.. she didnt get any kids until 7-8 yrs ago when she got an adorable son. Before him she had gone through miscarriages, after her son she wanted another child aswell.. but then again she lost it just after he/she was born… and finally now she have another son but he isnt normal.. cannot move his legs .. even worse is that just a few months ago she lost her husband.
I keep thinking about their 7 years old son… and get teary eyes
My dad is gone for 14 yrs now, his death anniversary is 20th of Oct. Only last night I was thinking that one day our kids would be remembering like that once we are gone. Suddenly my loss becomes less painful than what their emotional loss would be. I actually prayed for the health and life of my kids and my wife and myself.
You are right. The loss of your parents becomes bearable when you have your own kids.
Thats what I am talking about. OK not a good response. But point beautifully made.