A friend of mine back in the UK recently died from a heart attack at a young age. I’ve found that I get upset about it only when I’m actually thinking about him, For example, I assumed he was buried last week and was fine with it, but when my mother who was at the funeral talked about him lying in the casket I felt my voice wavering and myself getting emotional. Now I find myself consciously fighting to keep any memories I have of him locked up and forgotten because they upset me when I remember them.
I did the same thing when my grandmothers in Karachi died. I’ve tended to hide from my memories of them from almost the very moment that I heard they died, in order to avoid getting upset by it. It’s now reached the point that even though my dadi died only around 12 years ago, I struggle to remember much of her, what she looked like, and cannot remember the sound of her voice. My nani died 2 years ago, and again, I hide from my memories. I’m fast forgetting about her, and I find that I don’t want to try and remember because I’m worried that I’d get emotional about it.
What do you do when those you know die? Do you try and avoid their memories, or do you face them and try to get through them?
Don't you think it's better for you to face what happened, cry if you feel yourself getting upset and just let it out? You have seen the effects of bottlings it all up ... you start to forget the person and things about them that made them special.
I've only had two people close to me pass away and I went through the grieving. I had to otherwise I wouldn't be able to get over it.
When nani ji passed away- I couldnt cry much since i had to be a big support for ami ji. There was so much besides her loss going on in our lives that i drifted away from Allah [astagfriullah]- I couldnt get myself to pray or to ask Allah to keep her in jannah. It took a long time until somethign else hit me.
Its easier for everyone on gupshup to sit and type a nice little message. But loss of love one is something that you dont cope with. Over years they just become part of you.
sometimes i tell myself they are in a better place but then i cant hug them, tell them that i love them.....
Honor their memory. Grieve. Take as long as you need.
More you suppress the emotions/memories, more physically debilitating the emotions will become. Contrary to popular belief, grief is very physical.
Suppressed emotions won't surface easily. What you've done to bury your emotions, you'd have to undo to deal with them. Look for items from the past that'll inovke the memories; listen to music that reminds you of your time with them; talk to common friends.
My father passed away 3-4 years ago. Coping with his loss was very difficult at first because it just didnt seem real to me. I was in denial for several days. When I saw him laying in his coffin and saw this glow on his face with a slight smile.....that's when my heart was at ease and i made peace with my loss.
What I'm trying to say is that you need to find some way to put your heart as ease. For me it was seeing him laying there in his coffin...for you it may be something else. Perhaps going to his grave site and making dua for him. Trying to supress your feelings wont help. It will only make matters worse. Hold on to the memories you had with him because eventually it will put a smile on your face.
Most of all...always remember...."Time heals all wounds"
i think i deal with it pretty badly .. but eventually it gets better.. moment i think, i will be following that somebody soon, i start getting neutral..
It s really very hard,........my mamu passed away last summer and its something dat u can never get over,..........especially wen dere so young, u feel it more,........i mean ,..........he's got a little year old son left behind and two daughters,.in a way its gud we've all gt a reminder of him,......but evrytym we see them,....u can't help but think how are dey gna survive without their dad,...............but u gta contemplate it sumhow,..just haven't found a way yet....
i learn grieving when i was kid (my mom passed away when i was 11), and i’ve lost my two grannies, and one grand dad…so i’m rather used to it:bummer:…BUt it’s hard to see one’s family disappearing:(
facing death…remembering the dead one is a good way to deal with it
i used to go to the cenetary and visit my mom’s grave often when i was a teeenager cause it’s not far from home…i’m ashamed of crying about mom sometimes, i did a lot, and often in the past..but just very rarely now…
because time heals even the hardest shortcomings…it takes time but eventually solutions to problems of loosing someone that is holding your life comes along the way…one day:blush:
i'll dig up old pics, and go through 'em..and remember the good times.
last year both my nana and my dadi passed away (may Allah grant them Jannah), and every time i think about them it's always with good thoughts - the things they said, their own little 'quirks' ...or even when you visit the places where they used to live, and where they'd sit, and the things they'd do :)
there will always be sadness when you've been affected by a death - but you need to allow yourself to think of the good times you had with that person, instead of shielding away from it. if not memories, what else do we have left?
It is hard. A very good friend of mine died 2 years ago. He hang himself. Everytime I think about him, it gets to me. It sounds like a cliche, but time does heal most wounds. I will be honest with you. You will feel messed up loads of times. There are numerous ways of coping with it. You will have to find out what suits you for every individual you loose in your life.
Well when a loved one dies...it is huge emotional loss. Don,t hide from it, as memories are part of you and how you keep those who pass away close. It is hard..but remember the good times you have had with them. Death is part of life the never ending cycle.There will always be an empty spot in your heart due to the loss, but you keep the ones who pass away there.
Probably I am getting emotionally sterile. When my grandmother passed away last year (we were extremely close) I felt just a tinge of sorrow. I was relieved that there were so many people on her janazah and everyone had nothing but good words for her. She did a marvellous job with her life and to me and my siblings she was better than angels. Death does not make me sad anymore. I think it is the most natural thing.
Well, my mother passed away when I was 15. It has been a long time since then, of course, i cried my eyes out at that time. I was also angry thinking "Why did our mother had to go at such a young age, esp. when we needed her the most?" But then I realized that its all in Allah's hands, we can not live or breath if he doesnt want us to. She lived her life, she went through a tough time when she was ill. Death made it easy for her. I would not like her to be alive but in pain. So whenever I remember her, I always pray to Allah that she gets a better place in Jannah. I love it when I hear people praise her of the qualities she had. Not everyone is liked by many people.
Yes, mother is a blessing and I really do miss her.
i still have not come to terms with the loss of a very close family member. I am trying to concentrate on just about everything else. Each time a memory comes up, it is difficult to deal with. It was like the worst nightmare unfolding during april.
i have da same problem as madscientist.
i always had to be da strong one, cant cry so tat all da other family members wud get some strength from me.
my elder sis died 12 yrs ago, she was only 20 and mentally disturbed due to depression and then eventually committed suicide. saw her flying down from the 8th storey with my very eyes but i juz numbed myself. i felt like i had to cuz everyone else was shattered. not a single tear. kept myself busy. but i miss her so much everytime i talk abt her. like even now i'm tearing away hehe...
i guess wounds heal with time but anything that reminds us of those wounds wud definitely bring back the dark memories of da pain. its not something i talk abt to ppl cuz i hate these feelings which comes with the memories.
i dunno if this is bad or wat, but tats da way i deal with death. maybe i dun need to be da strong one all da time, no one is asking to be one. but i dunno, maybe its juz in my mind?
