Yes. They are kinda close family friends. Not tooooo close but yes I can count them as close family friends. But since I have been judged here for my concerns, I am quite scared of discussing the issue with her mom. I know she won’t mind it at all but how to deliver it to her, would you guys please help me, before she judges me for my words
Jolie, I could have started it as a general topic but it would not work. Yahan kisi pal sukoon nahin, phir itnay saray aisay questions hoty jispe batana hi parta ke ye real story hay bhaeeee Dunya aisee jaga hay jahan anyone can judge you for anything !!
Pata hota aaap itne aqalmand hain to aap se hi suggestions le liya kertay
Ainda yaad rakhungi!!
like it or not, but unfortunately in our society, grown-up marriage ready girls are judged , often more on their physical attributes than any other aspect of their personality. Obesity amongst kids is an health issue, but amongst girls it becomes a social issue too. That is the reason I see why Op was gender specific.
quote of the Op below (… such a child …) would not make much sense without giving an specific example.
I typed a long reply for this but then though nvm…this thread makes me so very sad. OP, I hope you’re never in the position to where someone uses the words you did for that girl towards your own child. And you very much have shown that you yourself are a big part of the problem with society that you speak of.
I hope that too. God forbid if I am in that position, without being judgmental, I would accept the reality without focusing on what others are saying but by considering this situation seriously and seek advice.
I’m not sure why people are being so terribly sensitive about this thread or stating that Queen is being rude. She is not making fun of the little girl or making her comments with ill intention. In her post, she states that she is concerned for the physical health of this child. Honestly, people have become far too sensitive about weight and ignorantly assume that all concerns about weight are in regards to beauty or appearance. Obesity is about much more than appearance. It is a serious health issue that often begins early in life and if left unchecked (as many of you suggest for fear of offending the girl or her mother), can lead to many more serious health conditions later in life, such as diabetes, hypertension and heart disease.
While I agree that people should strive to be less judgemental towards others, we also should not go to the extreme and ignore harmful and self-destructive behaviour, such as unhealthy overeating, for fear of offending. There is no reason why this issue cannot be brought up in a tactful and appropriate manner (which I’m sure Queen would do as she is close friends with the child’s mother). Also, as far as using the soft touch approach and gently encouraging the girl to be more active, it sounds as if the girl’s mother has already tried that unsuccessfully and is at her wit’s end.
Yaar, I just want to give her mother some comfort zone, most of the times, I feel her getting embarrassed due to her girl’s behavior and without sounding her judgmental, I want to provide her a comfort level where instead of getting uncomfortable, she can discuss the issue with me. I am just worried about, if she finally chooses to discuss it with me, how shall I react or how can I help her?!!
Also, I wanted to discuss it generally because sometimes, this uncontrolled child behavior has nothing to do with inheritance or learned behaviors but out of no reason so if faced, how should one tackle it?
If its a medical condition, I am sure there will be a cure to it but if not medical, and just a habit, how to handle it??
^ If she discusses it with you, you could begin by listening to what she has to say and telling her that you understand her concern and then tactfully make some suggestions (i.e. have you considered going for daily walks with her?, have you asked her paediatrician what he/she think?, etc). If it’s not a medical or lifestyle issue and has a behavioural/psychological component involved, therapy/counseling may be helpful in being able to help identify and address the underlying issue that is causing her to overeat (i.e. some people overheat due to anxiety, depression, or not be able to express their feelings, etc).
Are we also talking child marriages here? The girl is 9 not 19! Plenty of time in life to become runway ready to impress the future larka and larke walas.
Obesity is a social issue as well as a health one but not the way OP is putting.
It’s all in the delivery. However noble and correct Op’s concern may be, her approach and comments in her original post is what comes across as mean and judgmental.
Yes, childhood obesity is a valid concern and very real problem. But repeatedly calling a 9 year old girl fat and lamenting about her ever finding a suitable rishta or being approved of by society is just plain mean and nasty.
This whole thread makes my blood boil because it’s not just limited to girls, it happens to boys as well. My own precious 10 year old son has been subjected to bullying, yes bullying and comments very similar to the type the OP has made by members of our own family (adults and kids alike) because his “baby fat” has still not melted off and nor is he very tall. We work very closely with his pediatrician to make sure he lives a healthy life style. On paper he’s considered overweight but I also know he’s a prepubescent boy who will hit a growth spurt sooner or later. Our doctor has told us NOT to put him on a diet or reprimand him for his appetite, just to make sure that his diet is healthy and varied and that he gets plenty of exercise, which he does. And still, stupid people call him fat and compare him to his twin brothers (who were preemies and are still small for their age).
Everything is interlinked Jolie. So do you say, let it go and kal ki kal dekhi jaayegi?? Of course, if I said, I am concerned, I didn’t say out of no reason. I am concerned because she is a girl, I am concerned because she is young, I am concerned because if not controlled now, this can not be good for her in a longer run or for her future and for her marriage too. Yes.
I feel really sorry for a lot of mothers who instead accepting the reality are more sensitive about their kid being called Fat. How would they be able to treat their kid properly unless they don’t come out from the word FAT and take it as an offense?
If a kid is Fat, IS fat. I am not joking around about her and nor laughing at it. I am not using the term in a humorous way. I am discussing the term medically. I feel so sad how still a lot of people are close-minded and declare to be oh-so-open-minded without taking a reality as a reality but misjudging others.
Fat in my thread has been used as an adjective and nothing else. I don’t know what else appropriate can be used as a replacement of Fat.
Fat is a medical term and is often used in describing an over-weight person. I used it to describe the appearance of a girl and nothing else.
Everyone who declares to have a good vocabulary, please look into the meanings of word FAT.
I believed people might be wise enough to differentiate between the word FAT when used as an offense/insult and when used to describe someone to discuss in a decent manner. But no! I was wrong.
Loads of people have stated “But obesity affects both boys and girls, why is the OP only talking about it in girls? She is just being mean.” Yes, childhood obesity is serious and affects both boys and girls and should be treated equally serious in both sexes. However, Queen posted and asked for advice regarding a specific*** situation*** involving a specific child, who happens to be a girl. Hence, her comments and concerns have been directed at how obesity affects young girls. Should she have written an entire scholarly discourse discussing childhood obesity in both sexes?
No, she should stop assessing a child’s self worth by his/her appearance and predicting that they will never be suitable rishta material because they are FAT
Yes, please keep your sympathy to yourself. We mothers of FAT kids, no matter how misguided we are, are perfectly fine in our make believe worlds away from reality as you so aptly put it. We don’t need the insults and jibes from judgmental people telling us how our FAT children are a result of us being awful mothers in denial.
seriously queen.. quit it now! we are all parents here, and you are the parent to be.. learn to be sensitive to kids and their needs.. we don’t keep our kids in a bubble.. being blunt and honest is one thing but insulting.. that’s just ridiculous!
No I will not stop. Will you stop misunderstanding if I say. Certainly not. Why should I then??
The thread was never directed to you so please stop taking it to some other turns. I don’t have problems with how you deal with your relationships. Do as it pleases you. The thread belongs to me, I know my intention and all those people who are taking it as an offense kindly leave it.
Those who know my concerns are welcomed here.
Where has she done this? From her original post, I recall about one sentence vaguely related to appearance. The rest seems to be geared toward the child’s physical well-being.
Also, Khatti, you used your son as an example and I noticed something. You stated that you *regularly speak to his paediatrician *and have made sure everything is normal with him healthwise and that there are no underlying medical issues. That is they key point and is what some people have suggested would be a good idea in the case of this girl. Also, from Queen’s posts, I rather get the impression that the girl’s mother is deeply concerned about her daughter and may not know where to turn or how to begin addressing it.
That is really ridiculous. Ridiculous the way, it has taken. Ridiculous the way, it has perceived. Ridiculous the way how the matter isn’t focused but all the sensitive moms are gathered as I am the most insensitive human on earth. Please stop over-reacting and judging.
Dunya aisee jaga hay jahan anyone can judge you for anything !! 
