Constant Nagging

Lifestyle Relationships
1

My parents moved in with me after they retired, my wife keeps nagging me about little things about them specially about Dad, like
why ur dad uses guest bathroom, he shud use his own
Your Dad ate the meal i prepared for you
why he watches tv till late night (though it does not affect her in any way)
etc.

I have told her many times that you can’t expect to change there habits at this age and these are little things.

What can i do about it?

2

Re: Constant Nagging

Be a man and tell her off. But that is me. On to your issues:

  1. why ur dad uses guest bathroom, he shud use his own
    Its his choice. Maybe he wants to use it because it is closer. To make your life easier, just ask your dad why he uses it and tell your wife.

  2. Your Dad ate the meal i prepared for you
    Yeah so? He is your father. As a kid you most likely ate off his plate, I know me and my sister would actively as children eat whatever our parents were eating. So if he does it why does it matter? He is entitled to do so, rather your wife should be asking if your dad wants more.

  3. why he watches tv till late night (though it does not affect her in any way)
    If it doesn't affect her - then why does it matter.

Now she could be saying the last part because she is concerned. Your wife may have some valid concerns and some may not be so valid. I suggest each issue should be taken independently.

However it gets too much, ask her how she would feel if you as the husband constantly nagged her about what her father or mother did or said.

3

Re: Constant Nagging

Try to explain to your wife that it is hard to change a person once they have aged. My mum says elderly people tend to revert to a child like stage as they age more. Get your wife to consider how she would behave when she ages and how people would act around her when she ages. Remind your wife that your dad is an adult and he is used to doing things his own way and once you are independent it can sometimes be hard to adjust.

For the late night tv thing get your dad his own tv in his room so he can watch it in comfort.
About the food your wife should make the same food for everyone in a large quantity so even if he eats your stuff there should be more. If you have children lock the guest bedroom and blame it on your kids saying they make a mess. Also is the guest bathroom any different to your parents bathroom if so see if you could change their bathroom to make it more friendly for them to use if it is any different. Also your father might only use the guest bathroom if his own one is occupied by your mum.

There was this nice story fwd by email abt 4 to 5yrs ago about how a man treated his father and how his child was imitating them then him and his wife learnt their lesson as their son said he was making a specal plate for them to et in. If someone has this they should post it

4

Re: Constant Nagging

DD, sounds like your wife is very irritated by the fact that your parents moved in and so shows it in these small matters, bcos for her, the total ownership and control over her domain has changed from before.

However, she needs to know from you if u intend to move them out or not (i'm guessing not!) so please ensure that u tell her that they r there to stay (in a NICE way).

If the TV is a problem bcos your dad watches it in the shared room, then as rainy day suggested, get another one for his bedroom.

Tell your wife, if her parents were in the same situation, wouldn't she want to know they were well taken care of? Our parents did everything for us when we were kids, we should treat them with kindness now.

5

Re: Constant Nagging

I would simply say: When your parents are old aging, do you want me to behave this way as well?

Im one of four girls and discussed this with my significant other before agreeing to tie the knot. I told him at some point, I will have to be there for my parents and he has to accept that if he wants to be with me. He agreed.

By the same token, I owe his parents the same care and concern he shows for mine.

6

Re: Constant Nagging

at times wives do so bcoz their parents are not given the due importance . if the husband respects and cares for her parents, he can easily quote the examples by sshowing it to his wife. and in the same way the wife will respect his parents as these relations are more of a give and take. i myself have seen many males supressing their wives that his parents are her duty while her parents are no more his. after all parents are parents whether b it his or her. both of them can give due respect to their mother and father-in-laws as it is true that they r their legal parents.........

7

Re: Constant Nagging

For once its’ abt the father and not the mother? :eek:

8

Re: Constant Nagging

Buy a bigger house. have them in separate portions.

9

Re: Constant Nagging

^^:hehe:..

10

That wasn’t a joke :snooty:

11

Re: Constant Nagging

Not yours…:p…i was :hehe:ing for Sara’s…:smiley:

To answer the question…i have absolutely no idea…even my sister does this…
your parents did this and that…I think it has to do with the boredom because she could do ANYTHING before they came to stay with you and not she cannot…:frowning:

The second being, however much your spouse’s parents love you…they can never be our own, so adjusting could be a bit of a problem..:), if this is there in the mind…oh,..:frowning:

12

Re: Constant Nagging

to be honest ur wife needs to get a grip....

13

i agree that is the best solution. no botherings for future.

14

Re: Constant Nagging

be fair i suppose things that donot affect her and arent any of her business shouldnt be paid any mind to.(you can try resoning but it wouldnt go after a certain point, hold your ground if u must)and things that affect her should be dealth with sincerely(talk to your parents if a situation cannot be remedied by mean of any other way). remember they are your parents and you owe them your life literally and your wife is your partner who has to be a part of your life in everything you do.

15

Re: Constant Nagging

did you talk to your wife before moving your parents in....
did you give her enough time to sink it in that two people are gona share her kingdom.

If the answer is yes....just give her enough time to get use to the fact that ur parents are now gona live with you. if she comes up with more of these excuzes take her in a private place and calm her down and then talk to her nicely and answer her questions. I am sure when you explain it to her that make her hear what she is saying she'll realize that these things are not worth nagging her husband.... and most probably she already knows but she cant straight up tell you to ask ur parents leave the house so that is why she is coming up with all these things in a hope that you might get ur parents a separate place.

gud luck

16

Re: Constant Nagging

Start nagging about everything she does.
Nihari has too much mirch in it. Biryani is too salty, daal is too watery , do not cook food while I am home, your breath smells horrible. She will forget your father and will start looking after her own issues.
I am just kidding .
It will take her some time to adjust to constant presence of your parents. She is paying too much attention to all that for now because it is a new experience for her to live with in laws. It is your job to address her concerns. She is being respectful to your parents and nagging to you. Things could be worse and ugly she would be nagging to your parents directly and making their lives living hell.

17

Actually i did that and the results were 200%.

To be on the safe side, she ganged up with my parents... which brought them closer against a common "enemy".

18

:hehe:

19

Re: Constant Nagging

Females these days have absolutely no tolerance, ask her would she be uptight about these little things if they were her own parents?

20

LOL

Its amazing how quickly women run to Saas Susar for rescue when in firing line from husbands.